


Darkness Descends

by Crims



Category: General Hux - Fandom, Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), The Force Awakens - Fandom, kylo ren x oc - Fandom, kylo x oc
Genre: AU, Blood, Choking, Darth Vader - Freeform, Death, F/M, First Order, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking, Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Medical Experimentation, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Memories, Miscarriage, Murder, OC, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Freeform, Stormtrooper, The Force Awakens, Unplanned Pregnancy, anakin skywalker - Freeform, dark side, medical trooper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:14:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9401231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crims/pseuds/Crims
Summary: A seemingly unimportant medical trooper is tasked with saving Commander of the First Order, Kylo Ren. Hux's suspicions rise until the trooper is placed under his personal arrest and Ren is for once in agreement with Hux. But there’s more to the rebellious medical trooper than first meets the eye, something that could jeopardise the already perilous commander and leader of the Knights of Ren.





	1. Medical

The suns were setting behind the ruins, a crimson light filling the sky and painting your face red as you stood on the steps and watched light begin to disappear and the dark clouds above begin to descend bringing with it the rain. It seemed so peaceful and yet beyond the melting light was darkness, a war raging in the stars. Darkness and light once again battling for control, it had seemed the light would win, shine through. Yet, as the last of the light descended a mere slither left, the darkness was all consuming and down came the rain.  
“Make it quick, don’t let me see the darkness again”  
Eyes shone with the slither of light, a plea made, the darkness eclipsing the last of the light as the red was replaced with the crackling of the lightsaber that pierced through you and darkness consumed your eyes as you fell back into the arms of one who wrapped themselves in darkness. The mask glaring down at you as the rain fell down the grate as if mimicking the silent tears that fell behind the visor as they watched you lie at their feet, held in their arms, all light gone from your eyes.

“EVACUATE!”  
“Sir-“  
“Leave them! There’s no time!”  
Medical bay had been overrun from the time of the first explosion, perhaps beyond then, now the Resistance had sent in their pilots to finish the job and the Starkiller was all but destroyed. General Hux had his orders and he was ordering the others to leave,  
“Sir-“  
“I said leave them, is that clear?”  
Whether there was agreement or not, the medical bay was soon cleared of all those ready to walk, those who couldn’t desperately fought to get themselves up whilst others merely lay and sobbed at their eventual reckoning.  
“Stars-“  
“You, with me”  
Hux ordered as people stood watching from the windows as the planet imploded, molten rivers beneath their feet as the base sank and fighters left in an attempt to escape. Yet you, the one that Hux had chosen, were heading in the opposite direction to those who were escaping.  
“General we must leave-“  
“Supreme leader has given my orders, you will help me see them through” looking down you found that you had no choice, as well as his words Hux had a blaster aimed right at your stomach,  
“Find some men and meet at the entrance”  
It was hard enough to stop one person, but eventually you had a team of three with you and Hux was waiting as promised.  
“With me-“  
“Sir-“  
“We have to retrieve someone from the trees, you two bring Commander Ren’s shuttle, you two follow me”  
Order given, you followed Hux out of the hanger entrance and into the cold of the night, the snow was one problem to tackle the other was the shaking planet beneath your feet.  
“Who are we looking for sir? The Resistance-“  
As if sensing their name had been spoken, one of the X wings pilots took aim and took out one of the trees beside you, its trunk heading for Hux,  
“Sir!”  
Hux turned to face you, the trunk heading his way as he stared but suddenly found his feet taken from beneath him and his entire being moved out the way as he landed in the snow and out the reach of the fallen tree.  
“What happened!?”  
“X wings pilot sir, they know we’re here-“  
But that was the least of the worries. An explosion from not far behind you sent a flurry of smoke and fire into the air, part of the base had been destroyed and time was running out.  
“Hurry!”  
The snow was deeper as you head further into the trees, the crevice even more so. But there was something else, you saw the charred trunks of the trees and knew that something had happened, something that was far beyond a typical skirmish.  
“Over here!”  
You and your companion storm trooper hurried through the crevice, towards Hux and the edge of a cliff, the yellow burning light over the side an indication to what lay there as well as the rumbling that was beneath your feet.  
“It’s commander Ren!”  
“I know that, now hurry!”  
Hux looked to you, the colour on your shoulder meant that you were assigned to the medical bay and therefore surely you must know how to heal someone. But this was beyond what you could achieve, at least in the open with no supplies.  
“Sir-“  
“Heal him-“  
“I can’t! Not here I have nothing-“  
“I am your general-“  
“And I am telling you I cannot help him here! He has extensive damage and injury and unless we get him onto the shuttle now he will not make it…sir”  
It was intended to sound challenging, Hux knew that and any other given moment he would reprimand you and have you sent for discipline, but another look down to the motionless Ren and he knew you were right.  
“Get the shuttle here”  
The other storm trooper called for the shuttle and gave the location, you meanwhile knelt down and inspected what you could of Ren and his injuries further. Forgetting your blaster, forgetting that this was the fearful commander that had many shaking where they stood, your eyes observed his body. His leg had an injury, his left shoulder also had a burn and his left side still bled into the snow where he lay. But it was the extensive line of burn down his face, his neck and shoulder that was the main concern. Tissue, sinews and nerves all exposed and you were in no doubt his body was in shock. Anyone else had sustained these injuries and they would be dead, but Ren had strength beyond what many could assume.  
“The shuttle!”  
“Help me!”  
Leaving your blaster behind, you took his right side and was instantly aware of how heavy his arm was. There was no sign of the muscles working, his shoulder severed and causing his arm to hang there.  
“Hurry now”  
Hux stood on the loading walkway as the shuttle hovered just above the ground that beginning to crack as the side crumbled away and yet another explosion filled the night sky with a brilliant yellow. A dance of tie fighters and x wings soaring above your head as you dragged the weight of Ren between the two of you before the third joined and help.  
“Get us out of here”  
“Yes sir”  
The shuttle lifted up, out the trees uncaring as it broke branches on its ascent,  
“Lay his arm out- no don’t-“  
“What’s going on?”  
“See this” you pointed out the burn on his shoulder and neck, Hux’s nose wrinkling at the sight,  
“What of it-“  
“Its severed the tendons in his shoulder, as of now his arm is useless and it’ll stay like that unless I fix it-“  
“Then you better had, supreme leader will not be pleased-“  
“I need somewhere I can work, a proper medical-“  
“You have this until we clear Starkiller and enter-“  
“It’s not soon enough!”  
It was a state off between you both, the other storm troopers watching but also aware of the battle that was raging on outside the shuttle. The planet was beginning to explode, all the interior explosion now pushing outwards and upwards,  
“There are medical supplies on this shuttle, use them-“  
“They-“  
“I am your commanding officer and you will do as I say!”  
“Sir-“  
“I will but I need you to hear me when I say that this is worse than what it looks- he could loose his arm-“  
“Sir!”  
“What!?”  
Yet at that moment the ship was hit. You had been in warp heading out of the atmosphere when the tail end of an X wing had caught you, thrown by the force of the explosion and as such you had been caught and one of the engines had blow. Hurtling out of control, your legs unable to keep you up right you fell forward, your forehead smashing into the front of your helmet and cracking the visor before you fell into unconsciousness. The last sounds were the alarm and the others yelling, the red warning light blaring inside the ship as your eyes closed.

When you came round the first thing you felt was the incessant choking and closed in feeling. Gasping for air, ignoring the crying aches and pain of your body, you tore the helmet off and threw it away from you, sucking in deep breaths of air and calming your erratic heart rate. The cracked visor and blooded helmet stared back at you and it was only then you realised that you were no longer in warp, you were alive, you noted, unlike the other two stormtroopers you noted as you looked round the wreckage. One crushed under the weight of the now bent and destroyed wing, the other impaled. Lying flat you allowed your body to adjust as you listened to the sounds round you, there was barely any, no groans or calls for help. Hux. Where was Hux and more importantly where was Ren? Willing yourself up and pushing the overturned medical table from your legs, you finally stood and felt the rush. It caused you to be sick, the suddenness and the evident stress of what happened taking its toll on your body. Righting yourself once more, you removed the pieces of armour thankful for the sudden rush of cool air against your skin as you head out what remains of the shuttle. The sky was red, mixed with purples and blues; clearly it was evening- just how long had you been unconscious? As you looked at the sky one again you saw the spot that had evidently been the Starkiller, now nothing more than a cloud of ash and destruction suspended in the sky. But there was no time to dwell on things that had happened; you had to find where the general had gone with the unconscious and injured commander. Scavenging what you could from the wreckage, including the remains of what had been a medical kit, you head off in the direction that the convenient and worrying blood trail led you.  
“Halt!”  
“I’ve spent a day walking, if you’re going to shoot me, I suggest you make it quick”  
The blaster lowered as 6F-897 realised who it was that was approaching the base. It could have been missed if you didn’t know where to look or paid attention to your surroundings. The moss and vines had overgrown long ago, splintering their way through the stone until only a small opening could be seen.  
“Where is he?” Dropping the bag that you had carried with you to the floor, you saw a vat that had been placed beneath a drip and dunked your head into its cold depths and stayed there until your lungs screamed for air.  
“-a lot of blood-“  
“Ren or Hux?”  
“The general seems unharmed-“  
“And you?”  
“I’m fine-“  
“Take this” handing him a capsule he nodded his thanks,  
“If pain starts inject it into you, let me know”  
Gathering the bag onto your shoulder once more, you turned and head deeper into the base, through the doorway where you found a two corridors, one to the right and another to the left,  
“Here” Hux stood beside a door way, a livid purple bruise lining his eye.  
“It took you long enough-“  
“I was left-“  
“I was going to send 6F-897 to retrieve you, I couldn’t pull the weight of Ren by myself-“  
But you weren’t listening. Entering the room you saw Ren led on what had once been some kind of holo table, torn black clothing matted with blood and where he had been led in the snow.  
“Has he woke up?”  
“No. He’s not moved; barely breathing…you cannot allow him to die”  
But once again you barely heard what he said to you. Inspecting the still form of Ren you saw that the burns were still red, brightly so and his side was dripping blood. That would be your first priority, clean and dress and stop the bleeding, then you would tackle his arm that would essentially need to be sewn back together.  
“Have we got anymore medical kits? Anything-“  
“Half the east wing is blocked off and we’ve found nothing else-“  
“I can’t-“  
“Yes you can!”  
Hux’s eyes blazed with a fury that you had only seen a handful of times. They stared you down, glazed with a shine of what you thought was tears, such a contrast to his usually stoic appearance. But it was an unspoken stress, a fear, you could feel the waves of energy rolling off him and see it in the tense of his jaw,  
“He cannot die, do you understand?” gritting his teeth as if furthering the seriousness of his point, he continued to stare until you stiffly nodded at him and heard the hiss of air escape from his barely parted lips,  
“Find what you have to and need and fix him”  
Before anything else could be asked he turned on his heel and left, to where you didn’t know. But that wasn’t your priority, the man led before you was.  
“If only they knew” your whisper was barely a breath, your hand hovering over his face as you took in the paleness of his skin and the barely rise and fall of his chest. There was so much more at stake if you did not save him.  
Removing the layers of his clothing was difficult, you called 6F back to help you lift him, holding him there as you removed the torn and burnt clothing, lying a spare sheet you found tucked in one of the medical boxes over his waist to maintain some modesty.  
“Can you fix that?” looking up from Ren’s side, where you noticed the pattern and knew he had been shot, you saw 6F watching you,  
“People are expecting me to, so I suppose my answer should be yes”  
“What about his arm?”  
You said nothing more, that was a task you had yet to set your mind to, for now you had covered as much of the burns as you could with a wet dressing. His side was raw and the blood continued to drip as you stitched as quickly but efficiently as you could,  
“You’re running out of that”  
Ignoring the commentary that was being offered beside you, there was a moment where you realised that the thread was not going to last. But the bleeding needed to be stopped; if the bleeding wasn’t then he would bleed out slowly, like some kind of sacrificial animal.  
“What-“  
“Have you retrieved the distress signal from the shuttle?”  
Silence reigned. In the whole time he had stood at your side and as you lifted your gaze, you saw his own.  
“6F-“  
“We retrieved it”  
“However?”  
“…It uhh-“  
“Well?!”  
“It was damaged in the crash; we are trying to mend it as best we can- Wait!”  
“You will not speak to me like that-“  
“I do not know how I can make it any clearer! If he is not in a medical bay he will die!”  
“So you keep reminding me-“  
“Then you had better fix the distress call-“  
“You dare threaten me” Hux held you by the throat, pinned against the wall as you stared at one another, a pent up frustration from you both leading to that moment,  
“A mere medical trooper-“  
“No, but I know that supreme leader won’t be blaming me if Ren dies, especially if he entrusted you with his return”  
You had sensed it from him, the way he had reacted earlier and now confirmed it. Stepping back and releasing your throat, he watched as you continued to hold his gaze,  
“I’ll have 6F return to the ship, it’ll be resolved”  
“For your sake general, I hope so”  
The thread ran out not long after you finished closing the wound on his side and the one on his leg. His entire right side was still exposed and waiting for treatment, thankfully he was unconscious and had yet to wake so was in no need of pain relief.  
“Not that you would need it, your mind was always the strongest”  
Lifting your hand from the dish where you had poured some of he water, you let it drip onto the ebony strands of his hair before smoothing your hands over it and pulling your fingers through it. Soft, just like you had always known it to be. Continuing until the entirety of his hair had been dampened, you began to rub his scalp, letting your fingers press and drag along becoming lost in your own actions as you receded into your thoughts. When was the last time you had done this? Since he had been this still and calm,  
“What are you doing?”  
“…checking his skull, if he’s received a blow to the head then I need to know if its fractured” it was so easy to relay, as if you’d planned it, but your gaze never left the spot on the wall ahead of you as your hands continued despite Hux standing beside you.  
“What about his arm?” unaware, as you continued your administrations, Hux watched you, saw your expression and gentleness in your touch.  
“There’s no more thread general, I have all the needles I need but without the thread-“  
“There must be another way? A replacement?”  
Sighing, you looked away from the wall round to the general and saw once again the desperation had returned to his eyes,  
“I need to inspect the area-“  
“There’s no time for taking in the sites-“  
“There are plants that can be used as a binding agent, its the least I can offer until we reach a medical bay and I have a droid…that’s if we manage to be found”  
“We will”  
He seemed sure and you were in no mind to argue, your priority was finding something that could close the remainder of the wounds.  
“If on the chance he wakes, there’s a capsule in the bag, straight into his thigh”  
Leaving your instructions behind, you took your bag and left the base, walking down the stone and moss covered ramp till you were on the ground once again. The air was thick here, mist hung in the air and round the tops of the trees. You remembered a place like this, from somewhere deep in your memories, the same trees, the same skies. But it was long forgotten, pushed to the back and sealed there where you refused to enter them once again.  
“But that’s not possible anymore, you made it impossible” whispering to yourself as you climbed up the vine ladder that had formed on one of the large trees, you pulled yourself up onto the stone ledge and continued on your way. The stone was part of a building of some kind, large and expansive with layers to it. As you scaled the side, up onto another ledge rather like tiers, you realised you were stood on top and looking out over the planet and felt your heart clench. You knew this place, it wasn’t similar to the planet you had left, it was the same. Memories began to leak, to flood your mind as you stood and looked over the ruins that you stood on.  
“No- no we can’t be here-“  
“Who-“  
A hand clasped your shoulder from behind, your instincts took over and soon they were on their backs and staring up at you, groaning in discomfort as you easily held them in a wrist lock.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Hux sent me to help you- please, my wrist”  
Releasing 6F, you watched him stand, flex his wrist and dust himself off as he grabbed the blaster from where it had been discarded on the floor.  
“I am capable-“  
“For a quiet life it’s better if we do as he says”  
There was truth in his words. It was difficult enough, having Hux maintain his general stance despite the situation, only added to the tension.  
“Look for a green plant-“  
“They’re all green-“  
“Let me finish. It’s a green plant but will have a deep purple stem, pinch it at the base of the stem from the main body of the plant, don’t crush it, don’t bruise it, just put it into the bag”  
“Anywhere in particular I should look?”  
“Moisture, it grows in crevices and usually stays away from other plants”  
“What does it do?”  
“It makes a bonding agent you can use in place of medical bonding”  
“What if we don’t find it?”  
“Then the commander will lose his arm and his life”  
Failure then was no option. For a trooper like 6F who made the majority of the Order’s numbers, that’s all he was, a number and replaceable. But if he could have a hand in helping save the commander then promotion and ranking could be his.

It took half a day, climbing, searching and near falling to find the plant that they were in need of.  
“There you are” tucked and hidden away in the recesses of the building ruins, you plucked them and placed them into your bag, filling it as much as you could and careful of the other supplies that you had collected. Dropping down to the ground you heard the noise echo as you looked round and saw the steps that had once led down to the courtyard, a filled pool of water; this had been a temple, a place of training. Looking out you saw it all, how it had once been and how it had looked as it burnt with fire, the screams and pleas as people ran, the rain lashing down and the sky dark. Two figures shrouded in black, faces hidden behind masks, marched up the stairs and into the temple where students cowered.  
“Please! Please don’t!”  
“Hey”  
The scream echoed in your mind as you felt once again the heavy hand of 6F on your shoulder as you swayed where you stood. Opening your eyes you found your feet on the edge of the first step that led to many. Skin gleaming with sweat as you released the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding. The suns were setting, the sky was darkening.  
“We should go-“  
“But the plant-“  
“I have it-“  
“Should-“  
“We’re on an unknown planet with no way of knowing what creatures lie here, do you really want to be out in the dark and find out?”  
The returning to the base was a silent one, the noises of the trees around you beginning to come alive as the night sky once again took hold,  
“Make the rations up, split them between you both-“  
“What about you?”  
“I’ll be fine”  
Taking a contained you found to the side, you filled it with water from the vat and head back towards the room you’d left Ren.  
“Well?”  
“I have the basics, 6F is making the rations up now you should go and eat general”  
“…if he wakes-“  
“You’ll be the first to know”

Whilst they ate and worked on getting the distress call working, to find any kind of power in the base, you created a fire and boiled the plants in the water you had collected.  
“I said I’d never come back here, yet here I am, with you of all people” once again you sat at the top of the table with his head in your hands as you rubbed his scalp, wetting his hair.  
“I saw it, the temple…saw them all…it’s energy sits so heavily there. Or perhaps it’s only I who can feel it? What can you feel? Nothing? Does your body not scream being back here? Or are you injuries preoccupying you”  
You searched his mind and found there was still nothing, no indication of activity, nothing. So well trained and refined, all effort must have been used and reserved for keeping the pain at bay for you had felt none of it, at all.  
“This will hurt, if you feel it that is”  
Taking a breath as if bracing yourself for it, you took the first of the boiled plant, pressing them in your hand and forming a flat shape before sitting at his head once more. With your fingers you pinched the burnt skin together and lay the paste over it, forming a seal with the plant and essentially holding the skin together. His shoulder was more difficult, inside had been damaged not just the outside like his face and the rest of his arm. Patching those up and the injuries on his leg and side you stood and stared at his shoulder.  
“Stars let this work”  
Taking the wire that you had stripped, boiling it and holding it over the fire you stood beside his arm. Wire braced in pliers you reached into the burnt and torn arm, finding the severed ends of his tendons you saw his arm twitch and move thanks to the manual stimulation. Taking the wire, thin enough that it could be thread, you pierced the severed ends and knit them together, placing more of the paste over it to bond it in place. It was a temporary solution and one you hoped would save his arm. For the next hour you took the wire and knit the torn muscle, and damage tissue back together before covering it in the paste and the continuing with the entirety of his arm and shoulder.  
“I’ve done what I can, it’s up to you to come back and wake up” wiping your forehead on your forearm, perspiration covering your skin with the effort and the heat of the room, thanks to its closed quarters and the fire you had built.  
“I know you won’t let me see what’s going on, but whatever it is can wait…you need to wake up Kylo-“  
“I think you’ll find that’s your commander”  
“He’s my patient-“  
“What is that?”  
So you explained, as you had to 6F about the plant and what it would achieve. Hux inspected it as if you were stood waiting for a drill inspection before nodding to you.  
“His arm?”  
“I can’t tell, it’ll be a matter of time”  
Time it seemed you had. A week passed, or at least that was what it was by your calculations, and still there was no sign that a rescue was coming. The power had been returned only for it to short circuit and fail. Rations were low, tempers were frayed and Ren had yet to wake. You’d changed the dressings and rewired his arm twice in that time and the burns continued to redden. Less agitated but still red and hot to the touch, his mind as silent as the day you had found him. You sat and watched him, day and night, spoke to him and still nothing. The silence was becoming deafening.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returned to the Finalizer, Hux begins to realise that there's more to the medical trooper than he first thought and that something is going on with a still unconscious and recovering Ren.

“It’s been nearly three weeks general, where are they?”  
It was raining again. The skies were dark and filled with thunder that rippled through the otherwise empty base, rain falling from the overhang and making a curtain over the entrance but still it maintained its heated atmosphere and offered no coolness other than when you were standing in the rain itself.   
“The signal is weak-“  
“The commander and general of the First Order are missing, do you really suppose that supreme leader is going to care for a weak signal-“  
“You’re treading a dangerous line-“  
“We are out of rations, the medical supplies are gone general, it is time we walked the dangerous line if it means we get out of here alive”  
6F was asleep, restless, unsettled, but asleep. Hux was capable of going without sleep as were you, that was your training and when called for it came back to you in full force. You’d reduced your ration in take as well, part of your training and ensured that the extra portions were shared between 6F and Hux, what you took was enough though you could all do with a decent meal. Lips cracked and showing signs of sun exposure, articles of clothing removed to try and combat the incessant heat.   
“Damn” dropping the metal wire down onto the table, your head hanging as you rested your hands against the edge you sighed with a mixture of frustration and tiredness.   
“It should have worked” the wiring kept coming loose, no matter how much of the paste you applied and the amount of times that you rewired it slipped or broke. Moving down his arm you lift it in your hands and felt how cold it was, heavy with no sign of life in it. Cursing under your breath you pressed and saw that the skin remained a pasty white.   
“This would be the time to wake up Ren” not that it would do much good. You had been urging him to do so each day since you had arrived and nothing had worked. You had said nothing to the general, or very little about Ren’s condition. Instead avoiding answering or giving a generic response such as, time will tell. The truth was that you knew exactly what was happening but were merely holding onto the idea that it would work. 

I know you can hear me, I know you’re in there. Your arm is useless; whoever inflicted the damage made their mark. There’s nothing more I can do, I need you to wake up Ren. Wake up now, now Ren, wake up!.

You felt it stirring, a pain in your side. Your right arm felt numb, like you had been led on it for too long and was now trying to lift and move it. Looking round you, you saw Hux was asleep in the cot; 6F slouched in the entrance way, blaster in his lap. You had sat with your back against the bottom of the table, facing the hallway where you had left your patient, legs crossed at the ankle as you’d tried to cool yourself and find some sort of rest. Again the pain began to resonate in your arm, flinching you pulled yourself up, holding your arm as you felt a tug in your chest. As if something had been physically attached and was pulling you down the hallway and away from the rain, into the darkened walkway. Closer and closer towards the doorway, the more the pull in your chest intensified causing you to gasp, a pressure on your sternum.  
“Whose there?”  
But no one answered, there was no reason for them to answer, it would give away their position but you sensed it, felt it and so your walking quickened, rounding the corner into the room and finding him led there still. Nothing and no one save you two in the room, but still your chest persisted in the tug that felt physical as if you were about to topple over at any point. A humming in your ears grew as you heard your breathing, in and out, leaning down towards him and watching his stilled form.  
“TRAITOR!”  
His roaring voice filled the hollow base as he sat up with a suddenness, hand round your throat.  
“R-R-“  
But he wouldn’t hear you, his grip tightening with each second as you held your hands over his to try and push the gripping hand away from your throat. His dark eyes, near black in colour glared at you with raw intensity, his injured arm lying against his side, the burns on his face livid  
“REN!”  
Hux burst into the room and saw the commotion before him, woken by the echoing yell. He scrambled, took hold of Ren’s arm and helped pull it away from your throat. Even in his weakened state it took two of you to physically restrain Ren.  
“Do something!”  
Throat burning, gagging as your lungs once more filled with air, you pulled open one of the drawers and removed a capsule that you’d kept back. It all happened as quickly as it had started. Slowly sinking back down onto the table, his body fighting against the sedative as Hux looked round and saw you sat on the floor, your neck already beginning to bruise with the force it had come under.   
“I-“  
“He called you a traitor-“  
“He’s been through trauma, he’s been unconscious for nearing three weeks, he’s delirious-“  
“He’s never-“  
“He’s awake and alive, that’s the main point isn’t it general?”  
Hux didn’t have a chance to reply as you left and marched past a sleepy, stunned 6F who watched you leave out into the rain an walk down the ramp. Not far from the entrance you doubled over as you were sick, the bile burning the back for your tender throat.   
You returned the following morning, your clothes sticking to your wet skin, the rain still pouring beyond the entrance way. 6F was stood looking at the box that held the distress signal, the feint red light that flickered on and then off.   
“He’s through there, hasn’t moved all night”  
Nodding silently, you turned to head back towards the medical room,   
“The commander he-“  
“He’s sustained injuries that would have killed anyone else, anything you heard last night is a consequence of the body handling the stress of those injuries...is that clear?”  
6F said nothing more, merely nodded as you nodded back and left him.  
“Has he woken again?”  
“Once, he went under not long after” Hux watched as you washed your face and hands, sniffing as you cleared your now thoroughly bruised throat.   
“Is there something you wish to discuss general? I can practically hear your thoughts”  
“I want to know why the commander woke and the first thing he did, was grab your throat and yell traitor”  
It was inevitable that he was going to question you, that’s what the general did, he was intimidating to others in a whole other manner than what Ren was.  
“I told you general, now unless you wish to arrest me, I suggest you let me work on his arm that has now been torn further”  
It was. The wire was not sufficient enough to hold it together, there was no option but to leave his arm as it was. It took you till night fall to try and at least stabilise it, redress his burns before finally sliding down the wall in an exhausted state and falling asleep. But it would be short lived. At some point, the exact time you were unsure of, the ground began to rumble beneath you. Dust fell from the ceiling and the sound of jets filled your ears as you woke up and pushed the sleep haze from your mind.   
“General?”  
“They’re here, they’ve found us”  
6F ran outside as if to confirm whilst Hux pulled on his jacket and looked round at you.   
“Ren”  
AS you packed the medical room, folding and collecting his clothes the room was filled with troopers. This was it, you had really been found and were being taken away from the planet,   
“Careful-“  
“You’re under detainment of the First Order under instruction of General Hux”  
Your wrists were placed into clasps, a combination needed to escape them whilst medical troopers placed Ren onto the stretcher and carried him away whilst you too were led away.   
“You’re making a mistake-“  
“We’ll see”  
Hux watched as you were led up the ramp into the trooper ship, he meanwhile entering another before the ships left the planet and head back to the Finalizer. It was a relief, despite the shackles round your wrists and the guard that surrounded you, to know that you would be leaving the planet and returning to the sterile environment of the Finalizer, where the medical team would be waiting for Ren, it put one part of your mind at ease.   
“Move” shoved forward, your feet made contact with the ramp as you emerged and saw that sure enough you were back on board. Ren was taken away, Hux watched, waited until he was sure you were on your way to detainment before he himself left the hanger floor and returned to his personal quarters under no doubt that Snoke would be wishing to speak to him.   
“Wake up” you felt the kick in your side, waking you suddenly. You’d been in detainment for a week. Hux hadn’t come to see you; nothing had been said apart from the typical abuse that stormtroopers gave to their hostages.   
“What is it time for another feeding already, I can hardly wait”  
The metal tray was dropped on the floor, the sludge that you assumed was your meal falling out its designated part of the tray and onto the polished black chrome floor. Sighing you scooped what you could up and ate it tentatively, it was vile and you were sure were the leftovers that were served to troopers and workers.   
“You” leaning against the wall to your holding cell, a force field screen holding you in there, troopers on the other side in there expressionless helmets.  
“What’s happening to the commander?”  
Still nothing from them, no matter what you prompted or enticed them with they didn’t react. Seemed they really were set in their training. Sighing you cleared your throat and lowered your head, foot tapping against the wall as you folded your arms. Your foot continuing to tap against the wall, over and over, repetitive.  
“Stop that”  
Looking round you saw one of the troopers facing you, your foot lifted and ready to drop back to the wall.  
“What? This?” dropping your foot back with more force you saw the tension in his arms and did it again and again,  
“I’m warning you-“  
“I can’t hear you”   
You kicked the wall even harder, scuffing your boot before launching yourself at the cot and pulling up the blankets, throwing the tray that had been filled with food against the wall.  
“Restrain her!”  
Both troopers stormed into your cell, lowering the force field. Thinking they had caught you unaware, one took you round the middle only to find your feet lifted off the ground and their own weight used against them to send them flying to floor with helmet cracking force. Unconscious and acting on reaction, you took their blaster and aimed at the other trooper and fired. It wasn’t life threatening but enough to leave him on the floor and incapacitated.   
“It’s a serious matter general; it was the only option-“  
“General!”  
One of the orders from the bridge ran into the medical bay, flustered and panicked he looked at the stoic general who stood with his hands behind his back,   
“What is it-“  
“She’s escaped”  
Nothing more needed to be said. Hux left the medical bay, following one of his officers down to the holding cell where they were met with the troopers on the ground. But it had been intentional; draw them away from the medical bay so you could enter. The medical team were your unit, they had their allegiance to Hux but somewhere deep down you believed they would cover for you. As you entered you were faced with empty units, some held troopers that you recognised from Starkiller. But he was not there, not that you had expected any different. Showing that the infamously and seemingly indestructible commander had been injured would send ripples of doubt throughout the ranks. Yet you continued to walk through, confidently, lowering your head and acting meek and quiet would draw attention that you were not meant to be there. Finally reaching the back of the medical bay, you keyed in the code and placed your thumb print onto the scanner before the door concealed door freed itself and slid back to let you in before the door resealed itself. As when entering medical bay, you walked through the decontamination area, washed over with a steam like substance before finally you were let into the treatment room. Until that point the lights had remained off, as the door opened the censors were triggered and began to brighten. Opening the data pad you saw his name and knew you were in the right place, yet as you turned round to face the bed you felt your blood run cold.   
He led on the bed, sedated perhaps or just his natural unconscious state, monitors and data screens recorded the vital signs of his marred and recovering body. But it was his arm, the one that you had fought to save with the bare minimal medical equipment that caused you the greatest shock. It was gone. Removed from his body with the jagged burn on his shoulder stopped in it course. It hadn’t worked, they couldn’t save it. His arm removed, his face half covered with dressings to try and fight the infection in the burns and cleanse them, his side where the blaster wound had bled now wrapped and dressed accordingly. Surely they couldn’t- they wouldn’t leave him as he was? That was his dominant arm; his sabre wielding arm- was this down to your error? Was it your fault that he was in the state he was,   
Ren, can you hear me? I tried, really I did, surely you must know that...see that? Even with all the unreasoning I know will come if you ever find out I’m here you have to see I did the best with what I had-  
“You!” Hux and a band of troopers had returned from the holding units to find you stood at the end of the bed, silently staring down at Ren. Now they were advancing, intent of removing you once and for all. But you weren’t done, not yet. Barely glancing at them you raised your hand and the first of the troopers that had been heading your way found themselves suddenly halted, their throats restricted and breathing becoming difficult as they clawed at the invisible force that held them. Hux watched on in a mixture of confusion and dare it be said fear. You, the seemingly unimportant medical trooper was causing his troopers to falter and fail in a way that he had only seen used by the very man that you stood before in the bed.   
“End this now and no harm will come to you-“  
“Leave”  
“End-“  
“I said” turning her gaze to Hux, troopers with side of him whilst the other two writhed on the floor, yet it was your stare that stirred the most unrest. Darkened beyond anger yet hollow at the pain that was being inflicted, reddened from unshed tears as you continued to stare at the general.  
“Leave” your voice trailed at the end, hissing her threat and only tightening the grip you had round the trooper’s throats as if to prove you were in no joking mood.   
“Pull back-“  
“Sir-“  
“I said pull back, now!”  
Hux was not a foolish man, he knew how to wage and wait for his time and this was one of those instances. Slowly they retreated until their feet were out of the treatment room, a glass cube within the room, and finally the troopers on the floor were released. One passed out from the pressure, the other barely able to stand but dragging his comrade out the room and leaving you with Ren. Hours passed, Hux and the troopers surrounded the glass cube as they watched you stand and stare at the unconscious commander. Nothing was said; you barely moved, merely stared and continued watching him. Hux watched carefully, slowly it becoming clearer as to what exactly you were, or at least what you were in possession of.   
“How could this have happened-“  
“She’s strong, how strong I am unsure, she has yet to move from him”  
Snoke leant back, Hux stood before the projection reporting what had occurred, daring to leave the medical room.  
“She is young, reckless, but aware of her abilities, she is in need of being taught-“  
“Ren-“  
“When he awakens, bring him to me-“  
“Supreme leader-“  
“Do not question me general, there have already been too many errors made!”  
Hux reddened at the reminder of what had happened on the Starkiller, another planet having to be found and extensive work beginning. Lowering his head submissively Hux nodded his understanding at the command,   
“Watch her general, she could be of use to us”  
Watch you he did. Three rounds of troopers, a whole day and still Hux sat watching you. Not once had you wavered in your stance or said a word, merely watched Ren until finally you turned and left the glass room to face a barricade of blasters.  
“Supreme leader Snoke has entrusted your safety with me, it seems he believes you to be of value” Hux relayed, seeing the blank and evidently uncaring expression you wore.  
“You will not be held in the holding unit, however you are not to be out of sight-“  
“His arm”  
“A great misfortune however we are not savages, he will be fit with what is needed, the very best” It was a silent battle of wills, trooper and general. Escorted from medical bay, this time without the shackles, to a dormitory in the officers wing.   
“This is where you will stay, each day you will report to me and continue to do so until further instruction is that clear?”  
Merely staring at him as you walked past you heard the frustrated growl at your refusal to co-operate with him.  
“Very well”  
Soon you were alone, sat on the end of the clinically made bed. Drained, confused and now unsure as to what your actions had caused yet your mind was still flooded with the images of Ren led in the bed and missing his arm. Had you failed in saving him?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the personal arrest of Hux, you have no intentions of making it easy for him.

Yet it seemed that despite what Hux insisted and ordered you, that you had contradicting wishes.   
“I told her to-“  
“Sir, she’s heading for medical”  
Marching down the echoing hallways, still recovering himself from the three weeks he had spent on the planet, Hux was in a good state of mind to simply end your life and fabricate a story to the supreme leader.   
“General Hux-“  
“The medical trooper, where is she?”  
“She passed by here sir, she was in need of treating, she showed us a data pad with your insignia”  
Clearly you were more than a medical trooper and far more cunning than Hux was willing to give you credit for. When he did find you, you were stood looking out of one of the large port windows, gazing at a passing nebula.  
“Either you had a death wish or you truly mean to test me-“  
“Neither general, I was in need of medical assistance and given that you are less than likely to allow me to go for such personal needs I simply copied you insignia and placed it onto a medical file. Nothing more-“  
“I told you to report to me!”  
“I was on my way-“  
“Of course” Hux bit, sarcasm evident as he stood beside you glaring as you remained uncaring as you stared out the window.   
“What medical assistance-“  
“That is personal-“  
“Not to me, you are under my command still no matter what the supreme leader says. You are to report to me and that includes medical bay visits”  
Sighing you looked round, as if your personal quiet moment had been disturbed.  
“This was...personal-“  
“There is no such thing as personal anymore, you are a prisoner and-“  
“You are wounded yourself general and yet you do not seek assistance for it-“   
Hux stared at you, his blue eyes wide and mouth hung open and suspended mid sentence.   
“That is unwise general, surely you would not wish for your men to see you weakening, not now when they’ve suffered a blow from the resistance-“  
“How do you know this?!” he hissed, like a wounded creature suddenly becoming defensive,   
“I suggest that you visit medical bay general, they will need to clean the wounds and ensure that there is no infection otherwise it will be a bacta tank-“  
“What are you?”  
“-Perhaps even a healing pod if you do not wish to attend until the final moments-“  
“ENOUGH!”  
Hux’s collected demeanour had cracked. Yet as he shook with the bubbling rage that he held inside, he saw the growing smirk on your face, eyes dark with malice. That had been your intention all along.   
“As I said general, medical bay”  
With nothing else said, you turned and left the general to watch your disappearing figure down the darkened hallway.   
“What is she- who is she?!”  
“Be careful general, I am not one of your men to command-“  
“She was nothing more than a trooper and now, now she acts like...like...”   
Yet it seemed in his maddened rant, Hux realised what it was that had been swirling in his mind the whole time.   
“...that’s impossible”  
“No, not impossible”  
“How did he not detect her? All this time and he didn’t once detect her presence aboard the ship?”  
“It is possible-“  
“He is negligent-“  
“Not if he believed they no longer existed”  
It seemed that both Hux and supreme leader had had a sudden revelation. But what to do? Surely it was an advantage for them to have another; but the question of why you were there and who you were still remained. 

“General Hux won’t like that you’re here again”   
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him”  
You took the data pad from one of the medical team that had replaced you, clearly new to the whole world of the Finalizer and indeed to the stormtrooper world, you pitied them almost at the naive belief that it was wholly as grand as they believed.   
“Has there been any change?”  
“He woke up-“  
“What?”  
“He woke up, it was the early hours before dawn. We managed to get fluids into him before he fell back into unconsciousness-“  
“But you’re not sedating him-“  
“No”  
Your heart pressed against your chest wall, as if trying to burst from within you. His body was self healing, that surely meant he was aware of what was going on around him even in his meditative state.   
“Where are you going?!”  
“If Hux asks where I am, tell him you have not seen me-“  
“But”  
There was no chance for them to ask you further. Already opening the restricted areas of the medical ward, you walked into the darkened room and saw Ren led where you had left him. They had, at some point, attached the promised arm that they had intended. It was a dark metal, almost black in its appearance and led at his side naturally, hooked to the remaining element of his shoulder. How like your family.   
You would admit that you were mildly amused at the irony that this was how he had ended up. He had, in some ways, been granted his wish. But there were more pressing matters to attend too, you needed him to wake up and if what the medical trooper had told you were correct, then he was already aware of your presence at the end of the bed. He looked as unconscious as every other time you had seen him but there was a change, something around you, unseen and what some would call the atmosphere had shifted.   
I know you can hear me, you can sense me, wake up now and look at me.  
Still there was nothing. Only an emptiness.

This will only become worse; open your eyes look at me! Look at me!

Just like he had been taken by the shoulders and shaken, Ren’s eyes opened and his chest heaved as he took a deep breath as if coming to the surface from being under water. His mind focused, becoming clearer and clearer as he realised where he was. He had made it? How was that possible? He recalled looking at the sky, the destruction filling his ears and the searing pain of his injured- his arm. It felt heavier, and the ache was near intolerable.  
You stood silently as he regained his awareness and finally looked down to his arm and saw what was in place of his own flesh and blood. A shock, no doubt about it, to anyone else it would have sent them into hysterics, screaming and raging that their arm had gone. But he was silent. You saw the movement of his fingers, testing and moving them, bending his arm and feeling the weight, how it glistened and connected to his shoulder. His side still bandaged but no longer bleeding through, his face dressings had been removed and the skin had healed over it but still looked red and irritated. Perhaps, you reasoned, that was why it took so long for him to turn and look at you as if suddenly realising that he wasn’t alone.   
“...you, who are you?” hoarse thanks to its lack of use, his voice was filled with curiosity but also a tone of accusation.  
“I am a medical trooper commander, I was the one who was working on you-“  
“I remember you”  
Did he? Had his memory truly placed your face that quickly? It had been so long since you had-  
“- I said-“  
“Hux is suspicious, he has placed me under arrest and I am to report to him every morning. However, what he doesn’t know surely can’t harm him?”  
Ren merely stared at you, a feint rumbling in his chest that you were sure resonated as some kind of “mmm” in reply to your statement. Quizzical brown eyes continued to ponder over your face and travel down your body as you stood at the foot of his bed with your arms folded.   
“I agree. Now get me out of this bed”  
“Commander?”  
“You heard me”  
There was no doubt that Kylo Ren, master of the knights of Ren, was powerful even when injured. Perhaps that should have been at the forefront of your mind as you watched him remove the medical attachments and stand. Opening up and stretching his tall and equally as powerful body and pulling open the stiffened and aching joints and wincing only slightly at the pulling on his side.   
“We have a window of a few moments to leave the medical ward whilst the troopers switch round” returning from peering round the doorway and seeing the staff disappear, you walked back in to see that once more his gaze had fallen to his newly acquired arm. Held out with his palm facing upwards, it seemed as if his mind was still registering what exactly his eyes were taking in. Yet there was something else radiating from him...frustration...confusion...shame.  
“Commander we-“  
“I heard you”  
And as suddenly as he had been stood there he was walking past you and into the main ward of the medical wing; clearly there was no intention of staying there and having people prod and inspect him.   
The hallways of Finalizer were rarely empty. There was always someone going somewhere. That was why it was a surprise to find that you both walked out of the medical bay to an empty hallway and the emptiness only continued the further you walked.  
“Something...something isn’t right” stopping in your tracks, you shook your head and looked behind you to see that sure enough there was no one there, no one had appeared or was following you.   
“Where is everyone- why aren’t they coming after us? Surely someone-“  
Yet as you turned to face Ren once more, you found the back of your head slammed back against the durasteel wall. Your senses dulled for a second, you focused yourself once more and found the looming figure before you, a tightening hold over your throat. It seemed that the new attachment was in working order.  
“Hux is many things, granted, but he does not hold anyone under his personal arrest. So you’re going to tell me who you are and why you’re of interest to Hux” Ren’s voice was calm, his hand though tight and holding you in place appeared the only threatening factor. His figure was intimidating and perhaps even more so as it leant down over you, his other hand pressed against the wall beside your face and his unrelenting gaze never faltering or leaving your face as your own hands grasped the cold metal digits and tried to pry his hand from your throat.   
“Mistaken identity-“  
“Do not lie to me,” his grip tightened further and the pressure was becoming immense, his shoulders hunching down even further as his lip curled up,   
“You will tell me who you are and why you are under arrest or I’ll deliver you back to Hux and he can deal with the aftermath” his threat was sincere, injured or not he was strong and would follow through, you were sure of that.   
“I don’t know, he took an instance dislike to me when we were stranded on the planet-“  
“Lies”  
“It’s not lies!” despite your situation, being accused of lying made your own temper flare.   
“Who are you-“  
“I’m a medical trooper. Stationed to the now destroyed Starkiller base. My ID is-“  
Lifted from your position against the wall you were all but thrown against the opposite wall, body slamming down and hard against the cold steel and winding you of what little breath you had remaining.   
“No medical trooper can communicate through the force-“  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about-“  
“I felt it, it’s surrounds you-“  
“No. You’re wrong...I don’t....I can’t-“  
But he didn’t want to hear your words. Your vision was beginning to blur as the white spots began to appear in your vision as your air supply was cut off. You were of no consequence to him, whether you were to Hux or not was also none of his concern. He could feel it, the pulsing beat of your heart under the sensors of his hand but more so the risen hum of the life field that flowed round you. It grew, louder and louder as if it was becoming panicked at the threat he posed. It was intoxicating to him, such a strong vibration that his own body began to react, drawing from it until his breaths came out in short, sharp pants. Your eyes met his own darkened gaze, refusing to look away from him whilst he followed through with his gaze, locked together in a battle of wills it seemed it would end with his victory. Yet there was stirring, a resistance as you began to push back against him. Your hands tightened round his own and began to pry at his fingers. From the brink of unconsciousness, to the end you were suddenly fighting back. His gaze faltered, his arm shaking with the strength at which you pushed, your own arms shaking. Locked in a silent battle; the world around you both nothing more than a distant and echoing noise in the back of your minds.   
“Wh-Who are you?!”   
“My name is-“  
But your name would remain silenced for a while longer as all light was gone from your vision and you fell into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrations rising, the Commander pursuing and you're stuck in the middle and very much the blame.

You hadn’t dreamt in many years, that’s why you were sure it wasn’t a dream. Yet the nature of the episode that was unfolding in your mind’s eye was too vivid, too bright to simply be something your mind had fabricated. Voices were too familiar; faces whilst blurred still held some form of recognition, even the smells of the mildew covered stone, the evanescent green of the surrounding area, the copper of blood and the smokiness of the ash. It was no dream. More like a long forgotten memory once again resurfacing and being replayed before your eyes. The roaring of the fire, the screams and pleas growing louder until it was deafening and became nothing more than a shrill monotonous scream and then snap. Silence. The smoke and blood was replaced with the cold and sterile smell, the noise around you silenced and a synthetic silence surrounded your slowly awakening body. You weren’t in the forest, you weren’t there, you were in one of the rooms on the Finalizer. Your own prison quarters you were pretty sure of that, there was no way they had returned you to the holding cells. The bed was far too soft for it to be any other place, you’d take the ice cold metal gurney over the softness of the mattress, a rather petulant complaint but your joints ached at how they sank and therefore bent into the softness. All this, you thought, before I’ve even opened my eyes. Yet when you did there was not much to see. The lights had been dimmed; it must have been the designated night hours, living in space for such long periods of time played havoc on even the hardiest of sleepers. Therefore night was given designated hours for crew to swap and replacements take over. How long you had been unconscious was another matter, clearly there was no one around to ask yet the stark reminder of what had happened lay round your neck in the form of purple marks. Even still, they ached and as you pressed you felt the skin protesting at having such force placed onto the already delicate area.   
“Son of a-“  
“Good, you’re awake”   
Peering through the darkness you heard the undeniable snipe of Hux. Had he really sat there and watched you sleep?  
“Only just, no thanks to-“  
“No doubt you’ll have your own version of what happened but I have no interest in either of your tales-“  
“Clearly”  
It seemed that no matter what compromise was met, it was to be a battle of wills between you and Hux. Evidently, there was little trust going either way.  
“Where is he?”  
“I can’t tell you that-“  
“I’ll find out myself Hux you know that-“  
“I do, that’s why you are to be kept under guard every hour of the day and when you are not with the guards then you will be working alongside me, a personal assistant of sorts if that makes it better for you to swallow”  
The snarl like grin on his face was a clear indicator in how much pleasure he was taking from informing you of your promotion, if that’s what you could call it.  
True to his word, once you had recovered and found strength, you walked out and found guards stood either side of your door.  
“General Hux is on the bridge, you’re late”  
“I’m sure the whole Finalizer is now in crises”   
Neither trooper commented, merely walked either side of you as they led you to the bridge and up to the side of Hux who was stood gazing out the main port at the planet they were orbiting.   
“Glad you could finally join me-“  
“I’m sure, what do you want me to do?”  
Niceties were long since past, General he may be but there was a new element and the revelation that you weren’t simply a medical trooper.  
“Data files have been uploaded to that station, you are to sit and categorise them before we send them to the archives”  
“You can’t-“  
“I” he stepped closer, his voice lowered to the threatening tone you had heard him use to intimidate new recruits,   
“Can do what I want, you are my prisoner and I am so very close to reporting to supreme leader snoke that you were caught in the crossfire of the training unit...am I clear?”  
Looking at Hux, whose focus still remained on the orbiting planet, you grit your teeth as tightly as you were sure his clenched fist was,   
“Clearly”  
“Then get to work”  
The station was directly in his view, right at the front desk section where pilots, technicians and those who sat in command under Hux, all congregated. Some helmeted and hidden away, they could have been droids, another species for all you knew. You meanwhile had limited access, only able to log onto the main screen which was infuriating enough, you’d had more access in medical. Even more infuriating, was when you realised the all important “data files” he had been referring to were nothing more than supply orders and waste disposal along with odd docking reports. Trivial and completely unnecessary, punishment that you were sure of and it would continue until Hux became bored and thought of some other waste of time.

“Who is she?”  
“I don’t know” his voice was flat, lacking any sense of emotion or effort. His body though stood tall ached and slouched under the heavy black tunic and robe that he wore.   
“How was she not sensed?”  
“I don’t know”  
He didn’t know. His mind was lacking the clarity that he had been trained to achieve, clouded, filled with thoughts. Snoke looked down at the figure from his holographic projection,  
“You are the leader of the Knights, you must-“  
“I do not know!”  
Regret made his hands clench, never had he dared to speak in such a way to his master. He blamed the girl. That medical trooper. Stars his head was so unclear, his body felt dulled and it was only adding to the burning frustration in his chest.   
“She knows you. Find her and figure this out-“  
“The scavenger-“  
“I have my sights on her, you will not go near her until this situation has been eradicated-“  
“Supreme leader there is no-“  
“Do not question me!” Snoke stood, his voice filling the cavernous chamber as his own frustrations surfaced.  
“She is force sensitive and has been aboard this ship!”  
He knew that, the failure of not recognising another was added to the weight that sat on his shoulders,   
“Find the girl” Snoke nodded, retaking his seat and watching as the masked gaze lifted ever so slightly to gaze at him,   
“Hux will have her under his watch...I want you to find out who she is, where she has come from...by any force necessary”

“-good for nothing kriffing nerfherder- rather be placed under house arrest than-“  
You stopped mid rant, having finally finished with the oh so important data files, Hux had allowed you to leave. In that time you’d seen two shift changes and the night shift was half way through as you walked down the hallway, but there was someone behind you that had not been there before.   
“Come to choke me again?”  
Turning round, you saw the figure of Ren stood decked in his black tunic, face concealed behind another of his helmets.   
“You should not be-“  
“I do not take orders from you” snapping he straightened himself and you saw that his hands had been hidden under the familiar leather gloves, all his body once again hidden.  
“No, you don’t...and I do not take them from you either”  
“I am your commander!”  
But it did not stop you from walking away from him.   
“I am ordering you-“  
“I have had enough orders for today-“  
His body was soon in front of you and blocking your path. You were by no means small, you were one of the taller troopers, but Ren in his opposing form, seemed like a monument as you looked up at the visor.  
“You are awfully defiant for no one more than a medical-“  
“I am still a person”  
His head tilted, like a curious creature surveying their intended prey. Beneath the visor he saw the bruises on your neck, the ones he had inflicted and knew that they would be sore. He, unlike you, had remained fully conscious after the incident in the hallway. He’d watched as your body crumpled under his hand and fell to the floor as Hux ran over with his guards and checked to see that you were still alive. But he had been occupied with the coursing energy he felt through his body, he’d felt the strength in you as you pushed and pried his hand away from your throat. He had felt the same stirring as you had, flowing and rising in its power until it suddenly snapped. Like a circuit in one of the control boards surging when too much power was passed through it. He’d felt weakened as it slowly dropped to a calm beat once more and you were taken away to your quarters.   
“Can I leave-“  
“No”  
“Then what do you want with me-“  
“Your name. Give it to me”  
“I have no name, no trooper has a name-“  
“You are not simply a trooper, there is something more to you do not deny it-“  
“My code is MV-2469-“  
“I know your code, I want your name and I want to know where you came from-“  
“A farming system-“  
“Wrong”  
“If you know it’s wrong, Commander then why are you asking me? Clearly you know more about me-“  
“Do not play insolent I have no qualms with killing you unlike Hux”  
Your mouth closed slowly, your retort fading away as your eyes, dare he say it, softened as they gazed up at him once more.  
“Now that I do know” all bite had left your voice and it had now become a mere whisper. Now he realised that it was not softness to your eyes, it was sorrow. As if the revelation had saddened you and changed your entire attitude in a mere second,  
“If you’ll excuse me Commander, I’m tired and General Hux is insistent I return to his side in three hours time to begin my next shift”  
“No” he turned once more as you walked past him and grabbed your arm,   
“We’re not done yet-“  
“Kylo don’t!”  
It was your voice, he knew it was but the vision before him was not. It was dark, the sky rumbled with what he thought was thunder but as he looked he saw the smoke and ash of fire, the destruction of TIE and X wing fighters alike as they hurtled, engulfed in flames to the sodden ground. His sabre was in his hand, the red crackling beam illuminating his masked features as he turned and saw your hand on his, stood in front of him with the same sorrowful look filling your eyes. Blood stained with your face, your hair sticking to the sides of your face, mud smeared on your clothes but it was what lay behind you. Fearful faces, petrified eyes gleaming up through the rain, young, old, children huddled together and stood among the corpses of those already fallen.   
“Kylo please!” once more your plea came echoing in his ears as the screams around you both filled the air, other red sabres clashed through the darkness striking down those who stood in their way. But his remained still, your hand preventing him from lifting it into the air.   
“Please...please, don’t do this-“  
He felt the torment and the ever present anger as his hand began to shake, but he saw their faces, saw the battle around him and the distant voice in the back of his skull and the weakness was vanquished. He threw you to the side.  
“NO!”  
All at once he felt like the mask was suffocating him. His hand removed from your air clawed for the catches until he pulled it from his face, gasping for air as you too began to pant for breath both of your firmly back in the hallway of the Finalizer. A vision shared between you both and one that he had long forgotten.   
“Please-“  
Your quiet plea but he would hear no more. Staggering away he left, marching away from you as you felt the familiar surging in your veins before the returning weakness that drained you returned.   
“Please” your final plea whispered to no one but the emptiness. 

For days afterwards, Hux watched with amazement and suspicion as you walked up to him, took your orders and went about them with no objection. He saw how drained you looked, the telling sign in your face and the sluggishness of your body. Each day he reported back to Snoke who gave the general his instructions on how to proceed. But Hux was no fool and saw the change in Ren as well, the lack of presence was nothing unusual, perhaps not even the silent but intimidating figure. No, it was the pacing of the Commander, the snapping answers that, whilst could be frequent if he was lashing out, were sharper and more frequent. How at certain times, Ren would completely avoid the bridge and when he was present would only remain for a short amount of time and by the end of two weeks, Hux was in no doubt as to whom it was connected too and he was right.   
Ren avoided places he could sense her, his mind was in a state of crises and he had yet to sleep for more than an hour. His senses felt as if they were alight, irritated and tense. He paced up and down his own quarters, back and forth as he searched through the scattered shards of thoughts and memories that had once more appeared and continued to do so. Yet despite all his meditation, all the sleepless nights and ponderings still things remained unclear. Several of his walls had dints from where his metal fist had met it with the pent up anger and frustration from lack of clarity. Yet that was not all he was tormented with. In the quieter moments he found that one of the forbidden and repressed desires resurfaced. His arousal woke him from the little moments of sleep, his skin flushed and his hair sticking to the perspiration that also stung the still healing scar on his face. He would look down and once more be met with the tented front of his, the outline of his erection evident through the silken material. Gritting his teeth, he would lie there and will his mind to silence and his body to follow suit, in his training he had learnt to repress all manner of things. But in those moments he felt the urge, the need as his hand would snake down and tentatively grasp the heated flesh and draw a stuttered groan from his lips. It was wrong, so wrong yet he couldn’t deny the feeling of pleasure that coursed through him as he coated his fingers with the sticky fluid that seeped from the sensitive head.  
“Stars” breath catching in the back of his throat and drawing out into another moan, head pressing back against the pillow as his feet kicked back the constricting blanket and the cold air of the room washed over his heated body. All he could see was you, the look in your eye, the bruises round your neck and then the broken vision flashing in his mind before he stopped. No. He couldn’t do it. You would not be the one to do this. That was when he would go and train, getting used to his new arm and in the morning Hux would sometimes be greeted with reports of a broken console here and there. But it was not only Ren who was being effected in such a way, many nights you spent ignoring the rising feelings, the needs and urges but unlike the hard trained knight, you gave in wholly until your body was over sensitive, thighs shaking from the stroke of your fingers and drawing in long breathes of air. Both you and the commander were under the same fever and everyone else would suffer the consequences.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piece by piece things become clearer for Ren, however he refuses to accept or see that it is the case. Hux has new orders and with the help of Phasma and elite stormtroopers, he will see it through. Even if the consequences result in the potential loss of life.

Head hanging over the wash basin, hair damp and clinging to the sides of your face as you wretched once more and expelled the contents of your mouth into the basin below. Stars you had never felt this sick before, at least not in a such a long time that you could easily recall it. Your body drained, eyes dulled and ever growing purple circles beneath them from your lack of sleep. Stomach knotting making you unable to eat and yet your body was demanding that you immediately vacate what little you could keep down. It was a never ending circle and one that you were unsure how to break, it wasn’t meant to be like this, it wasn’t meant to go in such a way.   
“This is General Hux, I demand that you open this door”   
You’d been occupied in the wash room that you hadn’t even realised that the troopers had, at some point, called for you to leave your rooms. Now they had brought the general back. Knowing that the only way this would end was if you showed your face, you gathered what strength you had and staggered from the wash room. Leaning against the walls for support, careful of how you dragged your feet, you hit the button that opened the blaster doors with a hiss and came face to face with Hux and the troopers either side of him.   
“I have- what in the name of the creator-“  
“I...I can’t come to the bridge...not today-“  
“What’s wrong with you?” Hux questioned, leaning ever so slightly back as he saw the sickly pallor of your skin and the way that you all but leant on the wall to keep you upright. Skin clammy, beaded sweat on your forehead he didn’t want to catch whatever infectious illness was taking hold of you.   
“How long has this been going on?”  
“You know as well as I do, don’t pretend General-“  
“Of all the times for you to be-“  
But Hux had no time to answer, your limp body slouched down the wall until one of the troopers had to step in and all but lift you back up.   
“To medical now! Don’t let anyone see this either”  
Hux would not consider it as being concerned for you, no that suggested he felt something other than contempt. But he did not like what he saw. If it was truly infectious he could not risk it being passed to anyone else aboard, including himself. The sooner you were quarantined and treated, the better for everyone. At least, that’s what he reasoned as he saw you now suspended in one of the healing tanks and sedated.   
“Well? What is the verdict?”  
“We...we haven’t found anything General. There is no illness, there’s no disease or infection it’s...well it’s as if her body is simply producing symptoms without there being a cause”  
Hux needed to say nothing for the medical leader to realise how preposterous he thought that was. If there were symptoms then there was an illness, if there was an illness there must be a cure and a quick one.   
“We cannot treat her General, the only thing we can do is keep her sedated until her body has cleared the symptoms-“  
“This is madness! I cannot have her walking round- what is he doing here?”  
All medical staff looked round and took a subconscious step back as the doors opened and in walked the figure of the Commander.  
“Ren, you should be in your rooms-“  
“Do not instruct me of where I should and should not be General Hux”   
Hux was one of the very few people that had ever seen the Commander without his helmet, he knew the face that lay underneath, but as for the troopers the Commander was simply the looming figure in black that could be spotted a light year away and best to avoid.   
“Then why are you here?”  
“Business of my- what are they doing in here?” even with the voice modulator it was clear that the intended “they” was aimed at you. Unlike the bacta tanks, the healing tank was horizontal and equated to a water bath. A cylinder shape where the patient was suspended in the liquid and allowed for their bodies to slow for a time.   
“They’re ill, the medical bay-“  
“They are not ill” Ren stated it as clearly as the medical trooper had. There was no illness in their body.  
“As I have already said, that is absurd-“  
“Remove them from the tank-“  
“That is not your call to make Ren-“  
“Remove them”  
Ren would not be moved on this. Hux and he would simply have to battle it out later when there was no one around or before Snoke. But you were removed, taken from the healing tank and led on a bed where you came round far quicker than any of the medical or indeed Hux had seen someone do from a healing tank.   
“Why am I in medical?”  
“You passed out”  
Groaning, hand pressed to the side of your head, you sat up and saw the three figures stood at the foot of the bed but your eyes only focused on Ren. His hands clenched into fists as they were held at his side, the intimidating mask once more in place and not an inch of his skin on show.   
“You feel it too, don’t you-“  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about”  
“You do, it’s there, like a constant ache it won’t leave even when you try to sleep-“  
“Stop”  
“-you saw it, you had to see it, I know you did-“  
“I will not tell you again”  
The threat was true and you as well as the others knew he would follow through, but you persisted.  
“Kylo Ren do not lie to me! You feel it the same as I! There is a connection between us!”  
“Have her removed general or I will do it myself!”  
Ren turned to leave the medical bay, his treatment would wait but you weren’t done with him. Hux and the medical trooper could only watch as you dared to leave your place on the bed and follow after him once more.   
“You know what you saw is true, you have to have remembered it all? That night, there with those people, what happened to them-“  
“I saw nothing”  
“Stop lying” perhaps it was stupidity he couldn’t tell, whatever it was, was enough to make you stand in his path and stop him in his tracks. It gave you the fiery defiance in your eyes as you stood toe to toe with him without hesitation.   
“I suggest you move or I will move you myself-“  
“You said that to me once before, when we trained together...I refused to move and let you win despite you claiming your victory-“  
“I do not know who you are, I saw nothing and I have had enough-“  
His hand came to strike you, push you away with the force and teach you a lesson but your own came and held his off. Both your hands struggling and pressing against the invisible force that you both wielded.  
“You...you- this is not possible-“  
“Look at me Kylo Ren, look at me! You know who I am!”  
The humming of the force that surrounded you both was building once more, just as it had when he held you by the throat and he had seen the vision. But it was stronger, as if the two had combined to create one strong current.   
“I. Do. Not. Know. You” behind the mask his teeth grit in defiance just as your gaze was filled with the same defiance. Neither would back down and he would not be spoken to in such a way nor treated as such.   
“If you do not know me” you panted, holding your hand stronger and pushing with all that you had,   
“Then you are truly gone-“  
“I-“ yet the words froze in his throat, stuck as if he was being chocked. His eyes drifted from your face to your hand, the one that met his own and there in your palm he saw something that to others would have been inconsequential, a mere mark. But he knew the scar that sat in your palm because the exact same sat in his own. There was only one in the entire of the galaxies that held such a scar.  
“No that’s no poss-“  
Concentration gone, his arm was thrown back and he fell to the ground, you too falling to your hands and knees as the bond was broken. Lifting his head he looked round and saw you staring back, blood dripping down your face as your nose bled. The anger in your eyes, he had seen the scar and all at once his mind was once again being flooded with the visions and thoughts and he felt your presence in his mind too.  
“Get out of my head!”  
“I know what you see and you cannot deny it”

Deny it he would as he lifted himself and marched away, all but falling into a set of troopers who watched in awe as the usually sure commander ran from them. You would leave him for a moment more until you made your report, but already you were sure he was piecing things together. But it was painful, it was a long night of Ren shivering as if freezing but sweating as if he sat in front of the hottest of suns. Pacing his room like a man lost his mind no longer able to contain a single clear thought as it throbbed, pulsated and swam with vision after vision. Such physical pain was usually a matter of ease for him, meditation would resolve it and yet it wracked his body until he too felt the blood drip from his nose. He saw you, stood before him as you had in the corridor with a defiant glare but a smirk on your face as you joined his side. He saw you both stood in the rain, watching fire and destruction spread at your feet. He saw a sunny day, a field and heard laughter and the sight of those he had long forgotten and vanquished from his thoughts. He heard you calling a name that had been banished from living memory, a name that he had forgotten, the person he had once been. Wracked with the pain, his body crumpled until he sat on his knees doubled over clutching at his head and rocking back and forth as if trying to soothe it all away.   
Yet you felt his pain. Whilst not as intense or problematic, you sat in the chair facing the port window, hunched up and shaking under the weight of the shared burden. Tears flooding your cheeks as you tried to focus your own mind and send what strength you had left to him. You had known it would be painful, that it would cause an amount of stress that a normal body could not take. But you had never imagined that it would be this painful. To awaken a side that had been forgotten. Your pain had come from the years of bearing the burden, of never being able to utter the name or let people know that you were in connection to one of the most powerful beings that walked the galaxy. Knowing that whilst you were there and able to recall it all, he was somewhere far away and there was a void that was no longer filled and yet yearned for the missing pieces. Now you had provided it him you wondered whether it was better for you to carry the burden alone. Your fingers pressed and rubbed over the scar in the centre of your palm, like one of the priest that sat round the few remaining sacred temples did when they were in their praying state. Simply waiting and hoping for the morning to break and for the night to have passed on this episode.   
“The reports you were asking for General-“  
“Where are they?”  
“They are here sir, they were reporting in and making their way to the bridge as I left the communications-“  
“Good” Hux watched the blast doors, waiting for them to open and reveal you reporting to your station to start another day. Sure enough he did not have to wait long, you walked in with the remaining lot of morning shift and walked directly to him.  
“General-“  
“You will stay here, then when your shift is finished you will report to sector 10 and report to Captain Phasma. Am I clear?”  
“Perfectly”  
Sector 10 was the trooper training unit. No one reported there unless under strict orders or they themselves were in the training programme. However, you also knew who else could be sent there and what for. Considering you were under neither of the other directions you knew that the last was the only remaining reason. Clearly Hux had received further direction from Snoke.   
Leaving your post that night, handing Hux your datapad and watching the ever so slight smirk appear on his lips as you left, you wondered just how many knew where you were going and more so what lay on the other end? It was one of those things that had crossed your mind several times. Did anyone else know your fate as you walked past them in a seemingly normal way? Not that it mattered; there was no one that could stop it from happening. You walked lower and lower until the doors opened to reveal sector 10. Troopers ran past you, training, heading for their dorms, reporting for their newly assigned stations. It had been some time since you’d walked those training rooms or left your dorms,   
“Mv-2469 I presume?” the matter of fact voice of Captain Phasma filled your ears as you turned away from the viewing port to the training floor.   
“Captain”  
“This way”  
Past the control rooms, the TIE controllers and training rooms and behind a set of blaster doors you saw the doors that only few entered.   
“Captain”  
“Open the doors”  
Controlled by a set of technicians and guarded by troopers, it took a moment for the double blaster doors to open and reveal the darkened room. Red spot lights from the ceiling and the floor were the only source of illumination.  
“In”  
A simple command. In. You could have run, turned and left and risked the precise shot of Phasma. But you knew that this was part of the deal, part of the price that you would have to pay. Nudged forward by the end of her blaster, you walked down the grated ramp towards the table where the metal restraints gleamed at you like the teeth of some beast.   
“I assume you know the procedure”  
Phasma continued in her unaffected manner as from the darkness stepped two of the mostly retired, Death troopers.   
“I know all too well”

It must have been hours. Perhaps not that long. Two hours? No five. You weren’t sure but when they finally relented you were sure that you had been in there with them for hours. You felt every kick, punch, every jab of the stinger that had seared a patch of your flesh. Tasted the thick, copper blood that filled your mouth as it dribbled from between your numb lips onto the floor and onto your trembling hand that you were sure had been broken in several places. It too was covered in blood from the split skin where the impact of their boots had hit. It felt heavy, numb just like your leg that you felt drag along the ground as you pulled yourself with your still viable hand as if trying to press yourself into the corner. Clothes torn as you’d fought back against them, hitting as hard as you could before your body was beaten beyond fighting. Phasma had over seen it, stood in the viewing room as the Death troopers would stop, pulling your head back by your hair to look at Phasma who would pose another question, waiting for your answer and then allowing them to continue when she was met with refusal or your continued plea of ignorance that you didn’t know. Then the assault would begin again. Two against one, defending yourself from the elite trained troopers that were mostly spoken about myth of a bygone time. You knew what Phasma was waiting for and in turn, the people who had given her orders were waiting for. But you would not give it to them. Each bone crunching punch, each skin splitting stomp of a boot, each cry of pain but refusal to speak. Each moment that passed, each second that ticked until finally it ceased and you were left. Lungs burning for air as your ribcage groaned and creaked under the pressure it had been put.  
“You may leave now” so blasé, so unaffected as if the scene that she had just witnessed was part of the everyday life on the Finalizer. She left, the Death troopers following behind her with their own encrypted voice modulators and leaving you to pick yourself off the floor. Each step painful, each moment you walked or leant against the wall causing another pain to appear and remind you of how beaten your body was. Blood now dried and stuck to your hair, your face gleaming with blood and sweat at the exertion of the fight and the energy being used to drag yourself back to your quarters. Leaning on your undamaged right leg whilst cradling your shattered right hand, blood droplets littering the floor in a crimson trail that followed you.   
“He will not stop until you give him what you want”  
It was the last voice you had expected to hear, yet as you slowly turned yourself, leaning against the wall to stop yourself from falling you saw Ren stood there.   
“We need to stop meeting like this, people might talk” your humour was spent, your voice betraying the discomfort and continuous numbness in your mouth.   
“You will not tell him-“  
“If I did the consequences-“  
“You would remain in this state for the sake of-“  
“For the sake of you”  
He stopped in his approach, seeing you remained defiant even now.   
“I will not give him what he wants-“  
“Hux-“  
“Follows his commands just as you do-“  
“As could you. This would end if you would give Supreme leader-“  
“I intend on giving him nothing, not now, not ever-“  
“You are defiant against the very being that is over the First Order. That is treason-“  
“As you can clearly see, my punishment is being received for such treachery”  
You would not give them what they wanted, you knew that it would only become increasingly worse and it did. Each day you reported to sector 10. Each day you were subjected to the “interrogation” of Phasma or in some instances Hux himself, but it was always the Death troopers that you fought against or were subjected to their measures. Precise, quick and their ability to achieve maximum pain, one of the reasons they were so revered.   
“Listen to me” Hux pulled your head back, strapped to the metal chair that day, your body bearing old and new signs of the abuse you were being subjected too. Near unconscious you were barely aware of what he was saying, the leather of his gloves biting at the sensitive and damaged roots of your hair and head itself.   
“You give me the answer I need, this ends”  
He felt you attempt to shake your head, a feint movement as your gurgled response showed that you were still resisting.   
“Very well” he threw your head back with force and saw your eyes rolling into the back of your head,   
“Have it your way”  
But it was not the Death troopers that struck you this time. No, finally Hux had a chance to inflict the anger, the pent up frustration he felt towards you. His blows in some ways stung more, bled more and bruised more than the others. This had intent and a personal vendetta behind them and each mark on your skin made you gasp, weep in pain as tears now streamed down the bloodied skin of your cheeks. Body shaking with the pain and shock your body was slowly slipping into, only when Hux was panting for breath, his own uniform spattered with your blood and red in the face did he stop. The electrified whip he had been using dropping to the floor as he regained control of his breathing, straightened his tunic and nodded to the troopers and Phasma.  
“We’re done here”  
Watching as your motionless body slumped against the restraints, blood dropped to the floor along with the shredded flakes of your clothes.  
“Sir are they-“  
“Well check!”  
Phasma stepped forward, scanning your body and feeling for any sign that you were still alive. Hux watched, his own heart now hammering out of fear that he had gone too far and had gone againt Snoke’s wishes that you would be kept alive.   
“Well Captain?” snapping he rubbed his hand across his mouth as the Captain turned to face him,   
“They’re alive”  
Sighing with relief and his body visibly relaxing, Hux nodded and cleared his throat.   
“I’ll send medical down to retrieve them,”  
You were vaguely aware of the hiss of the blaster doors as they left and the uniform beat of their booted feet, but you weren’t sure of much else. Your mind was foggy, your body screaming even whilst you were unconscious and willing your body to heal. That was why you were unsure as to whether you heard the doors again until you felt the presence standing in front of you, something calling and urging you to wake up.   
“Must you be so stubborn Y/N?”  
Even whilst you remained in the state you were, your heart leapt at hearing your name spoken. Eyes fluttering in their attempt to open, prying themselves apart even as the pain seared in your body to lift your head you looked at him.  
“...y-you...rem...remember”  
Voice as broken as your body was, it was barely a hoarse whisper but he heard you enough. He saw the struggle to keep yourself awake to see his answer, body shaking once more under the strain but he refused to watch it. Waving his hand in front of your face he watched your body slump once more, too weak to even try and fight against his will. Removing the metal restraints, he caught your body as it slumped into his arms as he lifted you and held you against him.   
“I remember”  
Even behind the mask, the voice modulator the truth prevailed. He remembered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and OC begin to reconnect.

It felt like being in a deep sleep, the kind of sleep where no dreams or nightmares come. Its just a dark void before your eyes open once more and you take a deep breath. That was the only way you could think of describing what being under force induced unconsciousness was like. If induced yourself there was awareness of what was going on around you, but if induced by another all senses could be taken. Such it was when you woke and took that deep breath to find that you were led on something hard. It wasn’t the table, the metal bite of the restraints were gone and the chillness of the metal no longer seeped into your aching back. Rather this felt like there was some give in the surface, as if you were being cushioned. Lifting a hand, you felt the scratch of material against your face and as you opened your eyes a little wider you found that your hand was wrapped. Cleaned and wrapped with the correct medical dressings, you realised that the rest of you had been cleaned. The stickiness of the blood gone, the spit that had been dribbling down your chin tinged red also, was gone. Though you body ached and you felt he familiar grind of aching joints and potentially broken bones, the bruised points and lacerated skin you were clean and they were dressed. The room was cool, you preferred sleeping in the colder temperatures and that felt just right to you. A thin silken cover had been placed over your legs and you realised that you were dressed in one of the surgical clothing. Black in colour, the trousers along with the First Order emblem and the medical bay they belonged to along with a matching training top that exposed your midriff and arms for any of the medical procedures that would be needed. Yet it was clear that you weren’t in medical at all. This was someone’s private quarters and far beyond any of the typical trooper ranks, even if it was sparse and lacking in anything potentially personal. Pushing back the cover, you saw the bandages around your middle covering the lacerations that Hux himself had delivered to your skin. Your arms likewise bandaged and ointment that would reduce the swelling and bruising that was now dotted around your body. Whilst you couldn’t see them, you knew that bandages had also been placed round your legs and your head had also been dealt with.   
“You’re awake” they seemed as startled as you were at the silence suddenly being broken.  
“It would appear so” nodding you turned to see who you assumed had been the one responsible for dressing your wounds. Medical, no doubt, but their uniform was higher ranking. This was a personal medical assistant.  
“Where am I-“  
“Please, come with me” a man who nodded at you and pointed to one of the other rooms before leaving and expecting you to follow. Which at first was easier said than done, your knees all but collapsing under your weight as you took a step. Clearly you had been led for quite some time. Just like the room you had been led in, the following room was just as sparsely decorated and the lighting was muted. There was no way they belonged to the physician, especially if you had been led there to recover.   
“Please sit-“  
“Where am I and who sent you?”  
Refusing to sit until you had at least an idea of what was going on, you folded your arms delicately, aware of the tugging of your skin beneath the dressing.   
“I am Rook, I was sent from the personal medical bay for the Generals to care for you-“  
“Fine, where am I?”  
“That will be answered in time, but please sit. You must eat something-“  
“I’m not hungry-“  
“Your body is need of nourishment. I have kept it going using the various methods I am sure you are aware about but now that you are awake it is time for you to consume them correctly”  
If he had been feeding you nutrients and various other forms of nourishment that would explain the sense of burning at the back of your throat. Feeding tubes were sometimes necessary and clearly they had been for your instance.   
“Am I still aboard the Finalizer-“  
“You are”  
Rook nodded and indicated to the chair once more that was placed at a small black glass table. Sighing and not wishing to fight with anyone else, you took the seat and almost immediately a plate was placed in front of you.   
“That looks revol-“  
“It is, but you need it”  
If there was one thing you loathed, it was being the patient and not the carer. The plate held the blandest of bread and a bland liquid solution that you knew was ate to line a patient’s stomach and help their body react as it should. But with no taste, only a warm sensation as it passed down your throat, you would have taken skipping the meal.  
“There” you nodded, pushing the bowl away and gulping down the water that had been placed before you.  
“It’s finished, now tell me who brought me here-“  
“Soon” Rook collected the plates and placed them away before collecting his belongings and walking past you. Clearly his job was done and there was no more need for him. Once more you were alone.   
“Every kriffing time” sighing you leant back in the seat, wincing slightly as you stretched your legs out and stared at the wall.   
With no way of telling how much time passed, you walked around what rooms you could. Back into what you had now established was the sleeping quarters, into the wash room and back into the main part of the quarters where the table sat. Random data pads sat on console sides but were locked with fingerprint encryption. There were other doors but like the pads were fit with encryptions that required the resident’s fingerprints and refused you entry with each try. There was nothing for you to do to entertain yourself. Thinking that like Rook you could simply open the doors and leave had been a mistake, you had been locked in from the outside. Clearly you weren’t intended to leave. Perhaps, you reasoned, that’s why I’m here now. Holding one wire in your mouth and twisting the other two together, you let said wire in your mouth go before standing up and pressing your hand to the data pad once again and the screen flashing green as acceptance. You’d fix the panel when you were done looking.   
The walkway from the main room was darkened and all light was lost once the doors resealed themselves. Placing your hands on the walls either side to guide you along, you saw the shape of a doorway and walked in. It was another room only the wall facing you was in fact made up of port windows. All glass and the stars and galaxies before you, passing TIE fighters soaring by on their patrols or missions that they had been allocated, all of it drifting by in a quiet reverence. It was something you could stand and watch all day and never tire of. Such beauty, such stillness and perspective it was like a natural remedy to calm whoever stood there. But you couldn’t stay, this room was clearly meant for the eyes of the owner only and not your own.   
“One more moment” looking round with the little light of the windows, you saw the control panel for the room and began to switch on the spot lights that were clearly fitted. As you turned back to face the room, did it became clear as to whose room you had been preoccupying.   
“Stars” you muttered under your breath as you took the room in. Hung on the wall, as if the wearer was still bearing the garment was a black tunic, its high leather collar and shoulder sliced open on its right side. Displayed like some twisted art form to display the ruined clothing and clearly the injury that went along with it.   
“Stars” you whispered again as you saw the dried blood and the singed edges, you had never looked at the clothing and seen how torn open it had been. Your fingers delicately hovered over the edge, as if not daring to touch yet like some sacred item. But there was something else within the room that was held in such esteem. It caught your attention as you stepped down from looking at the tunic, sat at the very end of the room on a plinth, under a soft beam of light all its own. Your breathing deepened as your eyes widened at what sat before you and beyond the large chair that sat in front of it.   
“He found it”  
Stepping forward in your own reverent manner, unbelief at what you saw yet the desire to touch it and confirm that it was real battling inside of you. Battered, distorted and near unrecognisable and yet it was as clear to you as the view from the windows. It gazed up at you, as if watching each action that you made.  
“It’s real,”  
Taking a seat you stared down at the mask your hands in your lap and playing with the material as you tried to restrain yourself. But you couldn’t, how could you with such a relic in front of you? Evidence and history of a bygone time and all that the First Order fought to regain. You had to do it. Trembling hand reached out and sat above the brow of the helmet, awe struck but slowly falling and feeling the course, callous surface. Gasping your eyes blurred with tears as your mouth opened and searched for something to say that would clarify such a moment.  
“Vader” a hushed but respectful naming, your fingers continued to outline the mask, over the jagged joints as if searing each detail into your eternal memory. How many times had you spoken of this? Of finding something that would show the galaxy, to see such a thing had been but a dream but now it sat under your hands touch. Lost in your moment of worship, you didn’t notice the console light flash beside you or hear the door open as someone walked down into the room and took in the sight of you sitting in their seat, having invaded their inner most sanctuary and daring to touch the most prized item. Anyone else would have been dead on the floor, yet your expression of awe seemed to appease and ease the outrage that had quickly surfaced.  
“Glad to see you have recovered”  
The voice made you jump back into the seat and snatch your hand away like a child who had been caught.   
“I didn’t- I mean...you found it”  
Kylo moved to stand at the other side of the plinth, looking down at the very helmet that had influenced near everything he had done in his life; his own helmet similar in some of its features, a show of respect and longing.  
“I did”  
“...you remember...how we used to-“  
“Yes”  
Nodding you held your hands in your lap once again before looking up at him again.  
“I suppose thank you is in order-“  
“No”  
“I know what you said, that you remember”  
You heard the creak of his gloved hands as they tightened into fists and his stance became stiff,  
“The general-“  
“Don’t change the subject Kylo Ren, I didn’t accept it then I won’t accept it now-“  
“Except we are no longer children playing games, I am your commander and you a medical trooper-“  
“A medical trooper that Snoke clearly feels needs to be kept under arrest and beaten”  
Both of you knew that it was true, no matter how he chose or wished to deny the matter.   
“Then give him what he wants-“  
“We had this discussion once before Kylo, I gave my answer then and I will give the same now-“  
“Then I must ask the question as to why you’re here”  
Looking at the mask that had belonged to one of the greatest Sith Lords you recalled the time when it had been a shared goal, when it had become an icon of what you were both striving for.   
“I suppose that’s a question you will have to answer-“  
“And if the answer is what is suspected it will be I that deliver your execution”  
“When has it ever been any different?”  
His hands tensed once more. It seemed that you were as stubborn as ever and your sarcasm hadn’t faded. It was one of the traits that he had found...appealing about you. Even the defiance that you had shown him on occasions had always been rewarded later on, behind closed doors and away from the eyes of all those that held a certain opinion and expectation of him. You had always been one to push and bend the rules, push the boundaries and see how far it would go before breaking. Yet it had been too much, all the rules that you had sworn to had become too much. You’d turned your back and relinquished it all and it had been he, leader of the Knights of Ren had been the one to deliver your destiny. That was the memory that had returned to him first. Watching the red of the sun setting in front of you as you stood waiting for him, just as you had done so many times before and yet as you turned to face him there was none of the usual excitement. None of the anticipation as to what was going to happen, only a silent plead and sadness that there was no longer the hope you had always spoken of.   
“How?”  
“I ask myself the same question every day” the bond that you shared meant that you were aware of what his “how” was referring too.   
“How do I know-“  
But before he could ask anymore you stood and removed the top and dropped it to the floor. Your breasts and uncaring for being so exposed stark reminders to him of what he had once had once experienced from you. Yet it was there, the evidence that he desired to see.   
“It took some time for everything to heal, now it’s just another scar and memory”   
The skin was raised and silvery in colour, the scar itself settled between your breasts and as you turned and showed him your exposed back he saw the matching scar where the sabre had gone through.   
“It should have hit my heart, ruptured everything that was vital enough and quick enough to kill me” glancing over your shoulder you saw him slowly moving towards you.  
“I woke up and found you gone, the sun gone and it was cold and raining and dark and I cursed your name” scoffing and trying to be humorous but the smile fell from your lips,   
“Cursed you because you let me see the darkness and left me there-“  
“Yet someone found you?”  
Gasping, you felt the cold leather covered fingers traced up your spine, over the dressings and settled on circling the scarred skin.  
“I don’t know...all I know is that I woke up in a hovel of a healing community...your troopers came through and captured them all. Some were placed onto the training scheme and others...well you know what happened-“  
Your body shook as his other hand began to crawl along your hip bone and round to rest on your stomach and travel upwards.   
“Destroyed-“  
“As is the way”  
“You would know-“  
“I left it behind-“  
“You left it all for what?”  
“You know why-“  
“I know that you committed treason-“  
“So you keep saying-“  
He held your left breast in his hand and squeezed tightly causing you to grunt and bite your lip at the discomfort to your already bruised flesh. But he knew you well enough.   
“It was nothing different to missions before-“  
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand Knight of Ren-“  
Again he squeezed, his other hand that had been tracing your back now wrapped round your waist and holding you against him.   
“Then show me!”  
Snarling he pulled you roughly and heard the soft whimper of pain before it slipped into a low moan at how he handled you.   
“There’s nothing to show other than what you did to me-“  
Kicking his knee you felt his hands release you as he dropped to the floor and you spun to face him and pushed him down and straddled his waist.   
“If you look at me you look at me without this”  
His hands reached for the helmet as your hands pressed and searched for the release captures.  
“I am ordering you-“  
“You don’t order me!”  
You pressed and heard hiss as the catch was released and you pulled it off swiftly and threw it to the side. Ren’s dark eyes glared up at you as his hands took your hands in his own and he tried to overpower you. You remained sat in his lap as he sat up, long arms easily holding yours above your head and his hands holding both wrists in one as he grasped your throat,   
“I should have killed you properly when I had the chance”  
He saw your grin and growled in his throat as he pressed his lips to yours. In no way was it delicate or meant to be. It was years of pent up anger, frustration and how you both were. Sentimentality had no place. Pulling your hands free from his own, you tangled them in the strands of his raven locks whilst his own pressed against your skin and cupped at your breasts as his kisses travelled from your lips, down your throat until joining his hands. Deprived and desperate, a need to feel and connect and commit to memory both sets of hands searched and felt the others skin. Layer by layer you undressed him, dropping his armour to the floor and revealing the bare nature and flesh of the man beneath, tracing your fingers over the maps of scars that he had obtained over the years and turning his face of shame towards you.  
“Victories each and every one”  
Where he saw shame you saw victory. His brow furrowed at your comment, his eyes becoming disappointed but raising once more as you lifted the metal hand that had become his recent victory and brought the fingers into your mouth. His gasp filled your ears as he lowered his head to your shoulder and nipped at the skin as you continued to suck at the metal and hold his body close to your own as you both led on the floor. But he had other intentions as opposed to you nurturing his hand. Removing it from your lips he dragged his lips down the length of your body until he settled between your legs,   
“Kylo-“  
But he did not listen. You felt the softness of his lips on your inner thigh before they settled against your already slick opening. Biting your lip as you felt his hands holding the back of your legs as his tongue tasted and lapped at you, you tried to focus your mind on something else. An impossibility. Your hand tangled once more in his hair and pulled as his lips sucked the sensitive bundle of nerves, his deep chuckle at feeling the tug only adding to the sensation.   
“Kylo enough!”  
Your fist slammed down onto the durasteel floor the dull thud echoing as you pressed your hand to your hair as he climbed his way back up to your face and licked away the fluids that had gathered on his chin, a grin pulling at his lips.   
“You kriffing-“  
“I wouldn’t if I were you”  
His hand held your throat with enough pressure that he could hear each breath you drew in. Knocking your legs open once more you watched one another as he slicked his fingers with a mixture of your wetness and adding his own saliva before he fisted his hardened cock.   
“Been a while has it Ren”  
The metal fingers tightened once more round your throat, your own hands holding onto it as you grinned and saw his eyes darken as he leant over you and without warning thrust inside you. Delighted at hearing and seeing the shock on your face at such an intrusion, he didn’t intend to stop. Each thrust was just as powerful and filled with the same intention. His grunts and cursing only added to the sensations that were beginning to overtake you. The feeling of being filled over and over, the hand that sat tightly round your throat and the sharp sense of pain as he bit at your skin.   
“This is what you want isn’t it? This!?”  
His hair hung down as he stared at you, his lips skimming your own as you stared at each other, his thrusts becoming more intense as he began to reach the release he had been denied and had denied himself. You lifted your legs and let your feet sit on the bottom of his back which opened you further for him and you both moaned as he hit something inside you that made your skin prickle and your eyes flutter.   
“K-Kylo-“ you huffed as you tried to warn him but he wouldn’t hear it. So like the times that you had spent together, he merely growled as he felt you tighten round him as you reached your end. Your hands gripped at his arm as his own hand finally released your throat and slammed into the floor beside your head. The combined feeling of your nails biting into his skin, the tightness as your contracting muscles milked him and hearing you muttering his name like an ancient prayer was his ending. Hands clenched either side of your head as his face dropped below your shoulder, he moaned as his body stilled and he filled you with his seed. Neither of you moved, lost in oblivion as your hands scaled up and down his back and your legs remained wrapped round him. Breathing in the scent that was wholly his and in all those years hadn’t changed. His mind raced with what he had done, the forbidden thing and yet it felt clarified and his body felt as if it had found some form of freedom as he came down from the high.   
“Kylo-“  
Removing himself from you he sat up suddenly and removed all contact with you, his back facing you as he brought his knees up and let his head sit there. It wasn’t unfamiliar to you to see him do it, in control and trained his whole life contact in such a way was foreign to him and when he realised that he had engaged in such things it was like he closed up and hid away. Sitting up slowly, aware that you had already strained your still healing body, you sat beside him and slowly let your fingers touch his shoulder which flinched away.   
“After all these years?”  
He didn’t reply, just kept his head hidden as he pulled his tunic over his exposed lower half. It was time for you to leave. Taking your own clothes you redressed, cleaning what you could from both the floor and your body and stood and walked to the door where you turned and saw he was still sat there.  
“Thank you Kylo”  
He didn’t acknowledge that he had heard you, or that he had even heard what you said. But when you were finally gone he lifted his head and let the frustration return and replaced the armour to his body and returned to his appointed duty.


	7. Darkness Descends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The light is too strong no matter what Kylo tries, but all it takes is the actions of those who claim to fight for the light that leads to the resurfacing of darkness and in the end darkness begins to descend.

“We have received a notification from one of our informants that the Rebellion will be planning a move from their base, we know this location and our intentions is to take them by surprise and break down one of the key elements including their command centre and weapons” General Hux addressed the various unit leaders that would be involved in the mission. All sat round the table and looking at the holo image that was being projected in front of them, it was the largest mission that they had dared to undertake since the destruction of the Starkiller base. Nerves were to be expected but in front of the General it was all nods and voices of agreement that this would be the one event that would set them back in motion.   
“It’s a rather ambitious plan don’t you think General-“  
“There is no need for ambition, we will succeed in this-“  
“How do you know that the Alliance haven’t set this as a trap to get the troops on the ground-“  
“They would be foolish to engage us and they know that-“  
“They’ve done it before and if I’m not mistaken, our forces had to be pulled from the field-“  
“These” Hux turned with such rapidness you stuttered in your steps and found your back pressing against the wall as he neared you,  
“These are all questions I expect to hear from a traitor, not from someone who swore their allegiance to the First Order-“  
“I’m a realist General, it doesn’t matter what side you’re on, these are the questions that need to be asked”  
His ice cold stare would have made anyone else shrink and fear retribution, perhaps you should have considering the hidden marks on your body which seem to bring a smile to his own face,   
“Careful who you share your doubts with, there will no doubt be consequences” fingers pressing into the still healing wound on your hip bone he saw your jaw tense as you struggled to stop your knees from buckling under the pressure.   
“Fortunately for you, Supreme leader has decided that you would be of better use with the garrisons on the battle field when we engage our plan. He’s instructed me to hand you over to Ren-“  
“What-“  
“For the time being, then I am free to do what I will with you”  
It seemed the terms had changed on the arrest. You were to be handed over for whatever reason and then once your work was done you were handed back and you were in no doubt the General had a menagerie of endurances lined up for you.   
“Ren won’t work with me-“  
“He will do as Supreme leader orders. Even as we stand here now he is with Snoke receiving further training and instruction, no doubt you will be ordered before Snoke so he can determine your fate”  
You would have rather taken your chances with Hux, at least there was more chance of you healing from such an event.   
“Ren returns in a day’s time, until then you will continue working on the bridge and under my instruction”  
Releasing your hip, Hux stepped back and saw your shaking hand clamber to hold your no doubt bleeding side as a sadistic grin was displayed brightly on his face as he left you there. There was one thing that remained troublesome to you, in all this time Snoke had not once demanded that you be brought before him. In your mind that could only mean one of two things. One, he saw you as nothing other than a medical trooper with some kind of force sensitivity. Two, Hux was lying to you and had not been addressed by Snoke since you were placed under his arrest and he was merely using it as a threat. No matter which option it was, there was no guarantee at safety. Hux would happily remove your head from your shoulders and display it for all to see that despite the Starkiller failing, he was not a man to be trifled with and would deal with nuisances accordingly.   
As it were, at that moment, he was a man who was preparing for war against the very people who had brought his name into question. Men were brought in on ships to the Finalizer, sent to join the rest of the troopers in their preparation and training whilst the General counselled with the other high ranking officers who would each take a line of attack and defence and deployment. You saw it all, listened to parts of each conversation from the differing ranks and found that there was a general agreement that this could be a make or break. But your concern was reaching beyond those conversations and focusing on the training that you were take part in once the Commander had returned. For whatever reason, it seemed of the upmost importance.  
“I won’t do it” walking into the room that you had been instructed you saw that Ren was already there and waiting, gazing out of the port window once more decked in all his attire, helmet included. It had been near five days after the day he was meant to return and Hux was becoming tired of you asking where he was and when you were supposed to be meeting. Finally that day had arrived and you had delivered the message you had intended.   
“You have no choice”  
“There is always a choice and I will not do this”  
His head lowered and looked over his shoulder, the silver metal that lined the slated visor glinting in the dimmed light under which he stood.   
“Are you...sympathetic toward the Rebels-“  
“In which instance? In the case that we have greater weapons than them? That they watched planets destroyed before their eyes? Which are you referring to Kylo?”  
“There is too much light in you”  
He remained where he stood as you stepped forward from the door and under one of the few spotlights that had been illuminated in the training room.   
“You must see that this will not end how you intend it too-“  
“It will end, that is all that matters-“  
“Why? So you can go and hunt this scavenger girl that plagues your mind? So you can prove that the feared leader of the Knights of Ren is someone to not be trifled with? Or so you can go and find your old master and prove him wrong and end his legacy and finally rid yourself of the name Be-“  
But before you could utter the forbidden name in its entirety you found yourself dragged across the floor and his hand suddenly round your throat as he held you there,   
“Never. You swore to never utter that name again”  
“No. Snoke insisted it”  
Swinging your legs up round his arm you twisted them and made his arm crack until he dropped your throat and with all your weight dragged his body down with yours to the floor before standing above where he lay,   
“I never promised to him” catching your breath you turned to walk away but found your ankle grabbed and your feet pulled from beneath you as you hit the floor hard, landing on your chest and winding yourself for a moment.   
“I’m not doing this Kylo, no matter how much you try or insist I will not do this-“  
He pulled you back to him and pinned your body under the weight of his own, keeping your legs apart so that you couldn’t push him off, hands pinned down by his own as his masked faced stared down at you blankly.   
“I will make you-“  
“You should know by now that never happens-“  
“I’m more powerful than before, more than you could ever imagine me to be-“  
“I do not fear you”  
Pushing up against him but finding your body slammed back down with force against the floor, you coughed out your breath and heard the rasp of his breath.  
“You should”  
Such sincerity in his altered voice but no matter, it carried the same threat that caused you a moments pause before finally finding the strength to hook a leg round his own and roll with him down the steps and into the centre of the sparing pit. Sitting on his waist you pinned your knees into his side as hard as you possibly could and pulled at the coarse material that formed a hood until it was unravelled and removed from his head. Tossed to the side and forgotten he grabbed the back of your head and pulled the braid, watching as your hair fell from its style.  
“Always did like pulling my hair didn’t you-“  
He’d had enough. This was wasting time and he would not have you answer back to him. Pushing you off once more he dragged you by the ankle, ignoring your protests before dropping your foot and removing the belt from his middle, the over coat also being removed until he was stood in the ridged over jacket, all top layers gone.   
“I’m not doing this-“  
“Resistance will make matters worse, you should have learnt that by now at least”  
Still led on the floor you cursed yourself for not learning that your body was still healing and it hurt to fight.   
“Then why don’t you heal yourself like you know how-“  
“Perhaps I like the pain”  
Your words struck him, whether you intended them too or not he was unsure, but seeing you led there on your side and catching your breath he wondered whether this was the same as when you had once allowed your pain to overtake you. He’d seen you injured before, seen you bleed, seen your scorched skin from a blaster or where a sabre had caught you. Likewise, he’d seen you refuse to heal yourself or have a medical droid see to you. Something about the pain had served you in some capacity, fuelling you on. It seemed that had not changed about you either.   
“Then you will welcome these training sessions-“  
“I’m not doing it”  
He gave you no option. Bringing a duelling weapon to his hand he dropped it on the floor in front of your face as he stepped over you and drew his sabre from his belt.  
“I know you’ve not forgotten what it feels like to hold one, to wield one in your hand-“  
“I won’t do it-“  
“Snoke-“  
“How does he not know?”  
“...that doesn’t matter-“  
“It matters to me”  
Your eyes stared at the training sabre in front of you, the metal shining and the beat of the kyber crystal calling to you.  
“Pick it up”  
“No”  
Closing your eyes and dropping your head to the floor you tried to ignore the pulling call of the crystal and the sound of his voice. You knew what he was trying to do, as you closed your eyes and saw the various memories.  
“You know the power that comes with such a weapon-“  
“I’m not doing it-“  
“You have no choice-“  
“I won’t do it”  
Shaking your head you pushed the thoughts from your mind and blocked him out, but he was stronger than you remembered, he pushed back against you and once again images began to leak in drops in the front of your mind,   
“Resisting will only make this worse-“  
“You promised you’d never be in my head-“  
“We all make promises-“  
“You promised-“  
“No. He promised”  
So simply and unassuming a phrase, yet it stirred something in you. It was enough and he knew it as the sabre flew into your hand and you were in front of him swinging it in matter of seconds. His own sabre ignited and meeting with the blade of your own caused sparks to fly. The red flame of his against the white of yours, clashed and crackled as the pressure from both of you pushed against each other as he stared down into the angered eyes he had not seen in years.   
“There you are”  
Screaming in frustration you removed your blade and swung it over your head only to be met once more with the deflective blow as the pair of you began to dance over the sparing floor, no care given to the sliced metal or panels that may be hit along the way. He pushed you away and cause the lights above your head to crack and darken, bringing the sparks down on your skin as you shielded your face from it.   
“You’re not trying”  
He taunted you, swinging his sabre and almost catching your face in the process. You leant back, your back arching as you ducked under it before running at him as he backed towards the wall seemingly trapped. Anger bubbled and raged as you struck him over and over against, frustrated that nothing was hitting him or seeming to have an effect.  
“It’s not enough! You’re barely keeping up! You’re weak-“  
“I am not weak!”  
Sweating from the exertion, eyes ablaze in the light of the sabres as you growled and pushed down at him with the sabres nearing his body as your feet began to slide on the floor with the sheer force at which you were pushing against him.  
“You were always weak!”  
His goading had gone on long enough. Kicking his leg from beneath him you hit the sabre from his hand and held your own to the side as your free hand outstretched and held him there. You heard it through his mask; his breathing had caught as he began to be choked. Hands scrambling for the release catches on his mask, he pried it from his face his own hair sticking to his face thanks to the exertion of your fight. His mouth searched for air as his eyes focused on your own and saw how you grit your bare teeth like a predator snarling at its prey.   
“You won’t....do it-“ his strangled voice still carried the same goading and disbelief and only urged you to tighten the grip the force had round his throat until the vein on his neck was protruding under the pressure.   
“Weak...always...weak-“  
In that moment it wasn’t his voice, it was the voice of another someone that had once trained you and been the one who should have taken you to greatness.   
“I AM NOT WEAK!”  
As quick as you had held him with the force it was gone. Dropping to your knees in front of him the sabre smashed down into the floor mere inches from his knee as your head dropped. The hold on his throat gone, Kylo leant back and gasped for air, coughing as the burn at the back of his throat forced him to gag for a moment before his attention as turned to you. Blood droplets dotted the floor as you lifted your head and he saw that your nose was once again bleeding as you stared at him,   
“I am not weak”  
Pulling yourself to your unsteady feet, you staggered from the training room and left the sabre burning a hole in the metal floor and Kylo alone. He saw the state of the room, your blood on the floor and the heaviness of the Force that had surrounded you both. Its only a matter of time, he pondered silently, not long.   
Preparations after your training session seemed to only increase. Troops were readied each day with some new form of training and tactical instruction, TIE’s were sent to the loading bays ready for the descent when they would be needed. Supplies were shipped in double what they usually were. Medical bay was in a frenzy preparing those that would remain aboard and those that would go to the surface. Hux, you could tell from merely watching, was a ball of excited energy that was ready to be unleashed as day after day he held meetings with the Generals of other ships, the technicians and privately conversed with those that were his supposed “informants”. It seemed that this was not simply a mission of surprise and destroy, this felt like an all out war. Even as you walked along the corridor towards Hux’s main office, there were men with holomaps discussing the best locations and areas of attack to overtake and surprise them.   
“Stars” murmuring as you shook your head, you knocked on the blaster doors to have them opened mere moments later.  
“Glad to see you could accept my holo alert at least, Ren has-“  
“If that is why you brought me here General then I will go and speak with him myself right now-“  
“Partially. Sit”   
In no mood for conflict or an argument, you took your seat opposite Hux and saw that there was something oddly mischievous to his eyes. It rolled off him in waves, as if he couldn’t wait to tell you why he had called you there.   
“General?”  
“We’re sending you to the surface with a small task force”  
Clearly today was not the day where you wouldn’t be facing conflict.   
“It’s a suicide mission-“  
“You’re making an awfully big deal out of something as simple as a scouting party-“  
“You’re sending men down there for no reason other than to see what force you’re up against, that’s what this is-“  
“Watch yourself, that treasonous reckoning is beginning to surface again-“  
“It is logic!”  
Your hand slapped down on the metal table of his desk with the emotion that you had. Hux merely glared at it like some mark on his otherwise pristine sitting arrangement,   
“Logic is sending men before our initial attack, we need a report of what we are facing. It would be completely illogical to send our entire forces down and be faced with something that could end our campaign-“  
“Not so confident then are we General-“  
“I am confident enough, Supreme Leader has issued this order and you are the one who shall follow it through seeing as you have refused to train with Ren as instructed-“  
“I trained and we disagreed-“  
“Whilst I believe you on that matter, they were not your orders-“  
“And if I refuse these orders?”  
The all too familiar hardening of his eyes appeared as he leant forward, gloved hands clasped together.  
“You have been safe until now, Ren has seen to that...but make no mistake, if you refuse to do this then I will be the one who will happily defy him and place a blaster between your eyes and watch you disintegrate into oblivion are we clear?”  
It was not yelled, it was not dramatic but the quieter the threat the truer it was. So it was that you found yourself preparing for the scouting party that would be descending to the planet’s surface the following morning. All that day you looked at the faces of the troopers and technicians that walked past you, nameless to you but soon any of them could be the men under your order and looking to you to direct them whilst down on the surface. Their lives would rest in the orders you gave. It had never weighed heavy on your conscience before, when you had been the one who gave orders and executed the plans of a mission. Yet this weighed heavily on you, making your hands become clammy, your skin prickle with heat and your stomach clench until you had to run to the nearest wash facilities to vomit.   
Wiping your mouth, you lent back against the cubicle wall and took deep breaths to try and silence the clenching in your stomach and utter nausea that had over taken you. This was not the first occurrence of it happening. For near two weeks you had been experiencing waves of sickness, your temperature changing rapidly vomiting. You were not sick, you were almost sure of that but there was no other explanation as to what could have been causing your symptoms.   
“Kriffing nerf hearder, bastard-“  
Cursing Hux once again as you washed your face and took a few more deep breaths and finally left the cubicle and straight into a wall of black material and muscle.   
“In a hurry?”  
Rolling your eyes, you walked past Ren and of course heard the distinctive march of his booted feet following you.   
“Don’t follow me-“  
“Hux has told me about your mission tomorrow-“  
“I’m sure he has-“  
“You will need protection-“  
“I’m sure the men he’s sending as rats for target practise will do that” cursing yourself for calling them rats you stopped and closed your eyes, his own footsteps stopping.  
“You care what happens to them-“  
“This scouting mission is some form of punishment for me! For not following my orders that have been given to me and clearly you had some say in the matter”  
He remained silent as he watched you, seeing the glistening of your forehead as your temperature once again began to spike.   
“This is not needed-“  
“It is the logical thing-“  
“No, it’s not-“  
Swallowing deeply as you felt bile once more rising in your throat, you saw him tilt his head slightly.   
“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and prepare for my mission” spitting the last word at him as if it was offensive to you, you gave him no chance to return a reply as you marched past him. As expected, once you reached your quarters you vomited once again. You couldn’t lead the party tomorrow if you risked vomiting every hour, you’d have to take some of the anti sickness draughts from medical before you left. 

Later that night you wondered whether you should have taken some of the sleeping draughts as well. Staring at the ceiling you had counted the same points at least a hundred times and still your eyes were side awake, your mind alert and no signs of sleep in the slightest. In the end you left your quarters and walked past the hanging bay where you saw the ships that would be taking you and the others down to the surface in a matter of hours. Loaded with supplies, equipment and soon to be men the formidable ships felt like coffins. Shivering at the sterile cold and the thought, you left and entered back into the main wings of the Finalizer and eventually found yourself in the training room. It still showed signs of your last session, the scorched marks and the panels that were now scarred with melted lines. How long had it been since you’d wielded such a weapon? Since you had felt that surge of power and the ecstasy you’d felt?  
“You’re still awake?”  
“Well I suppose if I’m stood here then yes, I am”   
Kylo stood in the shadows of the training room, having remained silent as you walked in and walked round the room.   
“Even now you can’t sleep?”  
“Just like you I see”  
Facing him fully, leaning against the wall you saw that he was dressed down in his leather trousers and a black silken shirt. Clearly he too had been led in bed and trying to sleep before he came and trained. Neither of you said anything as you walked towards him, stepping down as he stood with his hands beside his side as if going to say something. But as you sat on the steps, still nothing was said. Yet despite all harsh words, the way that you reacted to each other, there was a sense of comfort in having him there. In the end he took a seat on the stairs opposite you,   
“You’re sick?”  
“No” shaking your head,   
“There’s something that’s changed, that’s shifted-“  
“Kylo, I’m not ill” adamant that he would leave it and say nothing else on the matter you stopped it in its tracks. It was almost awkward, but it was something that you were used to.  
“I have something for you, for tomorrow”  
Sighing, seeing that there was no way that this wasn’t going to be left you nodded silently at him. Following him you realised he was taking you back to his quarters, you wanted to turn back and say that you had changed your mind but your feet simply carried on following. Into the main room and back towards the room where you had ignited a side of you both that had been repressed down. The memory was fresh and you felt your body reacting as the chill air of the room washed over you, the sight of the melted mask emerged once again but you saw another plinth with a bowl filled with ashes and you recalled the first time he had done that. Collected the ashes of the defeated, it seemed that it was not something he had given up. Whilst he walked on, you stood at the bowl and placed your hands over the ash and felt the energy from it. How many were in there you couldn’t say, but it was not the only one of that you were sure.  
“Here”  
Kylo’s tone was quieter now as he asked for your attention from the ashes. Removing your hand from the bowl you turned and saw him stood in front of a panel that had been slid back, an opening set in the wall and containing something that had been as absent from your life as he and the rest of the things in this room had.   
“I...that- they were destroyed-“  
“I had a complete set”  
He had kept a set, he’d kept it against the orders where it should have been destroyed.  
“Kylo I-“  
Nothing could be said, you could find nothing to say as you stood and looked at the clothing that was hung in front of you. Black leather, ridged like the sleeves and panels of Kylo’s jacket with the matching black over coat that flowed and all kept together with a belt. Sat above the outfit was a helmet, refined and made for intimidation it showed signs of its battles and use; a detachable top part so that the bottom part sat round the mouth and neck alone and the top of the face exposed.   
“Here”  
Reaching inside the compartment, he removed the metal cylinder that sat beside the outfit.   
“That shouldn’t exist”  
“I saved it-“  
“For what purpose?”  
He said nothing, merely cradled the cylinder and held it out to you. It looked the same as the last day you saw it, the metal scuffed and charred at the bottom and not as refined as some but oh so familiar. Your fingers skimmed over the ridges, the smooth and wiring and felt the hum of the crystal inside so much more than you had the training. It felt like part of your pulse, as if your heart was connected to your very being and surged into the veins and heart beat of the man that held it.   
“Take it, use it. No one will question you, show them the power that it has- that you have. Hux will no question you, we can show them the combined abilities and make them bend to our will-“  
Bend to our will. It shocked you like the wiring had malfunctioned and sparked at your finger. Snatching your hand back you stared at the man in front of you and saw the passion that had built in his eyes behind the words he spoke. But that was the issue and the thing that made you step back.  
“Kylo...this...that’s not something I will do”  
He seemed shocked at your confession, his hand tightening round the bottom of the sabre that sat in his palms still. Your eyes drifted to the robes beside you once more and the helmet with the slash mark across the front and over its eyes.   
“This is you, this is who you are why are you denying it?” he stood in your view of the robes and your eyes drifted to his scarred face, his dark eyes beseeching you to hear what he was saying and realise what he was offering and that he was willing you to take it.   
“It’s not me- Kylo it’s not me anymore-“  
The sabre ignited and you saw the glowing red of your sabre for what seemed in decades. Vibrant and hot, an old crackle as the crystal flickered. It had always entranced you at how crimson it seemed, darker than some of the others you had seen.  
“Take it, use it”  
“Why do you want me to take it? Why is it so important you know I have it?”  
Hands tightening on the handle, he straightened his posture as you questioned him about his intentions. His mind was solid locked but you could seep through, the bond you shared providing the extra allowance you needed.  
“You think I need it...to keep me safe-“  
“These are Resistance-“  
“They’re nothing special to what we faced before, why now?”  
He would never answer, you knew that but he was adamant in his persistence but you shook your head.   
“You can’t do this, not on your own”  
You continued shaking your head as you left the room and heard his yell of anger and the crack of the sabre as it hit something metal and his frustration was released. How tempting it had been, the surge just as you had felt when you fought him in the training room had been all the stronger in his room. You would do this; you would do it without the sabre.  
Morning came and with it the sounds of battle preparation. Marching boots, orders being given and the sound of TIE’s leaving the hanger and beginning to circulate the planet’s system. You woke and found that one of the troopers were stood outside your doors holding a pile of black clothing and similar black over robe complete with hood. You knew who had sent them and whilst they were not the ones that had been hung in his rooms, it was his way of insisting that you wear them. Layering them on, fastening the belt around the over robes you stared in the mirror and was shocked at the reflection looking back. Clammy skin, darker circles appear under your eyes and dressed in the robes you saw a person that had been missing.  
“The general is waiting!”  
Your escort had arrived and you led them down the hallways to the hanger where sure enough the General was waiting to give you your brief. Even Hux had a moment of being stunned at seeing you dressed in such a way.   
“Well, this is your datafiles, for the first day you will have no communication with us-“  
“That’s risky is it not General?”  
“We are keeping ourselves as far from the planet as we can, we’re going to send you in old delivery ships to keep the Resistance in the dark as much as possible”  
“And if they investigate?”  
“Then you engage them. Everything is on your datafile, once you have completed the needed reports then you return to the ship and we plan the final conquest”  
How like the old Empire, conquest, you thought as you briefly read the file that you had been given with the various reports of the men you had been given and what was expected of you.  
You saw the troopers filing onto the ships, ready to go and with their training and mission they were ready for what you were sure they considered as an adventure. You saw the various military leaders stood watching as their men were loaded and he of course was there, stood on one of the higher decks and overseeing everything.  
“Don’t let your personal affairs get in the way of this mission-“  
“There are no affairs General, let me assure you of that”  
He didn’t believe you, that was obvious and his expression said it all. But you had more pressing matters to be dealing with. Turning and walking toward the ramp of the ship, you saw the troopers strapped into their seats and ready. The pilots were sat in their seats and waiting for the order that they were free for takeoff.   
“This is your chance to give the First Order the position it needs. This is your duty, this is what you have been trained for and by the Creators I will ensure that you are rewarded for it when you return. Make the Order proud! Do your duty!”  
Hux delivered his small but sure speech and the troopers nodded and it seemed to rile their attitude before the ramp was closed and hung onto the overhead strap as the ship began its flight. They sat in their lines, like toy soldiers waiting for their move to be made. Sighing you felt the lurch in your stomach as the ship moved coupled with the typical nausea that you were experiencing. The anti sickness didn’t seem to be working in this instance.   
“You all right?”  
Stunned that one of them was speaking to you, you peered from one of your closed eyes and saw that one of the troopers had broken formation and had turned their head to look at you.   
“I know you, don’t I?”  
“6F”  
6F, the trooper that you had been stranded with when you were racing to save Kylo’s life and Hux had become the bane of your existence, was there with you on that ship and your inner turmoil was magnified. Staring at his visor you saw the face of the man that had been beside you, keeping you sane no matter how clumsy he had seen.   
“You’re here?”  
“I am” he nodded, holding his blaster on his lap, his other blaster strapped to his back.   
“H-How-“  
“I’m part of the ground unit, they promoted me to squadron leader-“  
“They did?” the disbelief wasn’t from his promotion, no it was from how cold Hux had gone. You knew there was a darkness in him but this was a whole different level of sadistic.  
“I’ll be working with you whilst we’re down on the planet”  
Nodding you smiled at him and saw him nod his head. He was unlike the other troopers, whilst you were sure he was efficient in his abilities you could sense there was a side to him that was sometimes missing, a streak of concern ran through him for others around him.   
D’Qar, planet of the Resistance in the Illeenium system and home to their base on the outer rim came into view as you began to descend into its atmosphere.  
“Landing in the next half hour”  
Troopers shifted in their seats, you hung your head as you held onto the over head strap trying to keep your nausea from over taking your body. The other ship beside you that held the reserves and the various pieces of equipment that was needed over took and began to descend. The wings folded up to settle either side of the ship and the hover drives steadied the ships and started bringing them down steadily to the surface.   
“When we reached the surface” the troopers turned in unison to look at you as your swallowed down the dryness of your throat to address them,   
“Everyone be aware, keep your heads down and set up the base as quick as you can. The sooner we can get what General Hux what he needs, the sooner we can leave for the Finalizer. We’re on our own for the first couple of days and I know that you have been trained for this, but this is not the training room this is a reality and we have to take the chances we have. Am I clear?”  
The unison of nods seemed almost robotic but you hoped that someone had at least been comforted by your words, perhaps even yourself.   
Once the judder of the ships landing had ended, the ramps came down and the troopers began their march down onto the surface. This was what they had rehearsed; this is what had been practised. But you knew more than any that this was reality and things could go wrong at the drop of a hat. Which proved to be right in a matter of an hour.   
“What’s happening 6F?”  
Approaching the trooper who was speaking with the own under his command, he turned and faced you, blaster still in hand.   
“There’s a problem with the equipment that they sent us, there’s malfunctions and we’re working on them-“  
“What do you mean malfunctions?”  
“The base has missing elements that means we can’t construct it as intended-“  
Teeth grit you added another strike on the list of things that you would be “reporting” to Hux once you returned.  
“Do what you can and if it’s not enough then use the ships as shelter”  
“Right away” 6F had his orders and it seemed that he had already come up with some sort of resolution for the situation. The area that you had landed provided cover enough, long reeds in a meadow like space with trees surrounding the ships, vines over hanging where the creatures of the planet were hanging. It was soon early evening and you were stood watching the suns setting, the skies were a shade of purple and red and similar to the sunset that you had once known. You had patrolled round the perimeter, watching and listening to see if there was any sign of the Relliance or their patrols. Perhaps Hux had been right about that at least, landing away from the base would be enough cover for what needed to be done. Perhaps even using the delivery ships had been a clever move, despite the “malfunctioned” base equipment and lack of communication.   
“The base is ready, we’ve improvised and used part of the ship for our cover-“  
“Well done 6F, go and report for your rations”  
“What about you?”  
Any other trooper would have been shown their place by any other leader, but 6F was your one sense of comfort in this, as odd of a situation it was.   
“I’m going to scout the area, see where we can head tomorrow and start recording. Don’t follow me, get the men their rations and then get some rest, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow”  
Nodding he marched back through the reeds as you stared into the darkening trees and began walking through them. The sounds of the night filled your ears, the chirrup and clicks of the creatures in the trees, animals running back and forth among the foliage as they settled for the night or were disrupted by you walking through. According to your datapad, the Resistance base was through the trees before the remains of an old stone building, the main base was then a short walk through the reeds and trees would lead into the main area of the base. Already you were up to your waist in the reeds, unsure where your feet were stepping or rather what you were stepping on. But it wasn’t your concern, you saw the stone remains and saw the crumbling structure half submerged in the pond that sat beside it. Green algae covered the surface; the water was barely clear and small bubbles of mist surfaced. No doubt there was some kind of water creature under it, you could sense it swirling round happily among the crevices the broken stones had created when it had collapsed. The base therefore, wasn’t that far away.   
“Stars I’ll put a kriffing blaster-“  
As you were cursing the damnation stars out of Hux and the others, you felt the wind rise, the tree tops blowing and rustling and above your head you saw a collection of four X wing’s taking off. Keeping yourself still as they circled and flew off, you watched where they had come from the tree line and ran towards it. Feet sticking in the mud and water of the reeds it was a struggle, splashing your robes and face but you found your feet becoming more stable, the ground was harder and the noise of people filled your ears.   
“-clear it up! Get inside-“  
“When are they back Dameron?”  
“When they get what they need!”  
Dameron. You knew that name; he was one of the pilots of the Resistance, one of the best if you weren’t correct. You were in the right place and the first of your reporting could begin. But there was something greater that you were there for. It was for an entirely different reason that was beyond your mission and of a far more delicate nature and needing your upmost attention. Remaining crouched in the grasses, you saw the various X wings lining the run way, the opening of the base that you assumed would lead to the control centre and then further beyond would be the rest of the base and the leaders of the Resistance. You stayed and watched, recorded the number of X wings, the number of pilots that you saw some and go and gave a general idea of the resources that the Resistance had at their fingertips.

“General Organa-“  
Your blood froze in your veins at hearing such a name, how many years had it been? How long had it truly been since you’d seen any of them? But there she was in all her magnificence. General Leia Organa walking with her troops and the men that ran the various ranks of the Resistance flanked round her as she led them with a distinct power that called for respect.   
“What are our reports?” Leia looked to the people who were responsible for her communications and stats. They had their datapads and their various reports and showed her, holding them out where she nodded and thanked them. She had felt it the whole day however, something that wasn’t on their stats or their data pads, rather something had changed in the Force. A disruption that she hadn’t sensed since she had watched the younglings training under Luke in the fields, a disruption that had ended when the life it belonged to had also ended. Looking to the trees she saw the breeze blowing the vines, the grasses singing in the evening light.  
“Is everything all right?”  
“Have we...have we received communications on the Order’s status?”  
“They have the Finalizer not far from the atmosphere, our X wings just reported-“  
“Are they engaging us?”  
“No”  
She felt it, the wave wash over her again that had been ignored for most of the day but stronger and clearer.   
“Have our pilots keep them under surveillance, they so much as move I want to know. They send the rubbish out the shoot I want reports on how much and when”  
“Yes General”  
Instructions given and understood they each left her side one by one to report to their crew what they were and to get right on it. Leia stood by her own for a moment, her mourning for Solo had shadowed her yet the young girl had given her hope as she took the Falcon to go and find her brother. Leia had her own issues to focus on, helping Finn to recover from the wounds inflicted by her son. Once he was recovered he would have his place there among them, ready to fight against the growing reaction she was sure was going to come from the Order. Taking one final look at the trees beyond her, she sighed and turned back to the base and walked inside as the doors began to be sealed.   
She looked just like she always had the same fire in her eyes and determination though this time there was sadness there. No doubt, you reasoned, thanks to your own son. You waited until she had disappeared within the base and the doors had been sealed until you dared to stand and peer out from the grass and take in the runway. It was an extensive base, one that was well supplied that was clear and the X wings were in good condition, ready to fly and fight. Clearly, the Order was underestimating this band of Resistance and that was without taking into consideration who they had as their General.  
“Did you find anything?” questioned by one of the senior troopers you nodded and placed the data pad down on the table where they saw your report and the beginning of the scan you had taken that was mapping out the base.   
“We saw the X wings taking off-“  
“They were doing a patrol, they know the Finalizer is close, whether they engage depends on the General and his actions-“  
“Are they questioning anything else?”  
You ignored the question; staring at the map and feeling the pushing concern that had appeared whilst you had been in front of the base and heard that the Resistance knew of the Finalizer’s presence.   
“Ready the troops for dawn, the sooner we get to the base the sooner we can span the size of this base”  
Taking their orders just as the Resistance had from their General, the troopers left for the ships that were being used as shelter whilst you remained there studying the plans that the Order had of the base and the small amount of scans that you had managed to make. Even as you led on the hard metal seats that doubled as your bed for that night, you were thinking of everything that had taken place so far. The lack of communication as to not alert the Resistance and yet they knew already that the Finalizer was lingering near the atmosphere, the purposefully broken equipment that you had been sent to the surface with and the feeling that there was something beyond the original plan. Over and over it plagued your mind and made you unable to sleep; you saw the evening and met the dawn in what was becoming a typical event. Doubled over you coughed out the rest of the bile that had suddenly risen as soon as you saw the suns rising beyond the trees, clearly anti sickness wasn’t resolving the matter. Since landing on the planet you had vomited three times. You knew the troopers were watching you as they stood in line for their rations and you were on the other side of the field vomiting into the brush as you leant your head against the bark of the tree and calmed your breathing. Despite your refusal, you considered that you may have to visit the medical bay once you returned to the Finalizer.   
“We’re ready-“  
“Uhh-“ clearing your throat and spitting into the brush you stood up and pushed the hair from your face turning to face the trooper and seeing that it was 6F.  
“Take your unit and span West, the second Unit meet you as they East and I will take the remaining unit through the trees to the front of the base.  
“Your communication pack”  
Taking the unit you inserted it into your ear and followed him back to the troopers who were stood and ready to move out.   
“We are here to record the Resistance base, we’re here to scan the base and record what resources they have. If we can help it we do not engage with them, am I clear on that-“  
“General Hux ordered-“  
“General Hux is not here! We do not engage them if it is not needed and if it is then we use as little force as possible am I clear on that?”  
Each of the troopers nodded, the ones in command were a little hesitant but they had no choice as they marched their men in the directions with the equipment with them, including their blasters.  
“Unit 6 in position-“  
“Unit 2 in position-“  
“Unit 9 in position-“  
“Begin”   
Giving the order you watched as the equipment began their work. Troopers fanned out tracking the underground roots and the base that was in front of them. The morning was still early and the base was still closed, but you were wary of the patrols that would be working and as were the rest of the units.   
“Incoming X wing!”  
Everything ceased movement, froze as the X wing rounded the base as they began to lower the ship onto the runaway once again. But there were three others that were meant to be with the unit and only one had returned.  
“Unit 9 position to engage-“  
“Negative stay where you are”  
Watching through the trees, you saw the pilot and his droid dismount from the ship and head for the main opening of the base where it had been shut until the droid registered the pilot and its details and the doors opened.  
“Heavy reinforced blaster doors that can only be opened from the outside when date is input-“  
“No doubt the General will have something heavy enough to blast the doors open” sarcasm intended you saw the droid and pilot enter. But it was recorded, it was the kind of thing that the General wanted and it was what he would receive. So it continued for the rest of the day, reporting and scavenging what could be about the base and the comings and goings of the base, its pilots and men, the incoming fight ships, the supplies that were incoming as well. As expected it was dull, there was an imminent sense of being caught and by the end of the day the men were feeling just as perturbed by it as you were. Washing your face in the water basin and damping your neck to cool you down from the heat of the day. And so it went for the next day and the next until it was reaching the fourth day and still there had been no communication with the Finalizer despite what had been reported and there were more issues on the ground.  
“Our rations rand out two days ago”  
“What?” lifting your head as you sat in the ship on the chairs, you saw 6F had entered the ship, helmet removed just as most of the others had as well, and he had come to report another issues.  
“Our rations, they finished two days ago, we’ve got nothing left and we still can’t reach the Finalizer...something’s wrong isn’t it?”  
It had only taken till the fourth day for something to be said and realisation to hit the troops.  
“I’m sure there’s a reason behind it and rest assured I’ll be reporting to the General when we return-“  
“Will we return?”  
What could you say? No, it was never intended that any of us would return or that it was intended for some if not all of you to die.  
“What’s your name 6F?”  
Looking unsure, as if he had never been asked such a question, you wondered whether he was one of the many that had been taken as a child and trained.  
“...my name is Gen”  
“Gen”  
He nodded and you saw him glance round at the rest of the troopers who were sat round, some walking through the reeds or returning from patrol.  
“Well Gen, you’ve been an exceptional leader on this mission and I will be insisting that you’re promoted once we get back to the Finalizer”  
“Thank you”  
It was a simple act but you saw a small amount of hope returning to his eyes. It was one of the few things that you seemed able to do given the situation you found yourself in. That night you heard their murmurs and the doubts of what was happening. As you led there, exhaustion riddling your body, the vomiting remaining your mind finally shut off and allowed you a few moments of rest.

“There’s something wrong, you know it-“  
“There’s nothing wrong-“  
“There’s a sickness in you, you have to see it”  
“I see that these men are annoyed, they know something isn’t right and I’ve been left to deal with this by Hux once again!”  
“There is danger coming, you can see it, I sense it in you”  
“I know there’s something wrong, it’s like a furnace and its only becoming worse-“  
“Wake up-“  
“What- you can’t tell me-“  
“Wake up!”  
You woke with the boom that shook the ship, Kylo had been talking to you in your mind, clearly he’d been intending to do so the moment your mind was clear. But you had something else to focus on as you looked out the end of the ship and saw the mayhem that was taking place. Troopers running back and forth in the darkness, the blasters lighting the reeds momentarily as you heard men yelling orders, blasters going back and forth.  
“We’re under attack!”  
You knew something had been wrong. Too many pieces were place and there was no reaction from either side. Pulling your robes on you ran outside and saw the sky illuminated with the explosion of a ship, red and burning and it seemed that everyone was staring at the sky.   
“That was our X wing!”  
The Finalizer had destroyed the returning X wings and you realised then that had been their intention all along. To sit waiting for them to return, attack and as you looked round you saw the communication pad was now working, they’d sent communications to the planet to purposefully inform the Resistance that there had been a landing and where. It had been a set up this whole time.   
“Look out!”  
You felt the ground disappear from under your feet as the large blast blew the ground up and the people around you were sent flying into the air. Ears ringing as you moved each of your limbs to ensure that they were still attached you dared to lift your head and see that there were parts of men laying beside you, blown apart by the blaster that Resistance fighters had brought with them.  
“Retreat! To the trees!”  
Gen, 6F yelled the command and you nodded your head stiffly as if he were addressing you. You needed to get to the trees, get to some form of cover and assess the situation and decide what should be done. Body screaming, still shocked from the blast you pulled yourself up and ran towards the trees as blasters beams whizzed past you. As you hit the trees you saw the ships explode and destroyed, clearly the Resistance had no intention of letting you return or leave. It filled the sky with enough light that you could see ahead of you and knew that there were others that were running with you as you head for cover. Had Kylo known this was going to happen? Is that why he had insisted you take the sabre? Was he part of the set up? So many thoughts but your anger blurred your mind, anger that you were having to run, anger that the troopers that had trusted you were now also running or some were laid scattered in the field, blown apart. And even more so at the men that sat on the ship in the sky above you and played with people’s lives like they were nothing but pawns.   
“Blaster!”  
Another explosion came, lighting the trees and those around you and the screams of those that had been caught in its cross fire. There were the few who stood and fought, firing and heating the Resistance fighters who had appeared in the night as suddenly and deadly the troopers were intended to be. You needed to find cover and assess the situation, assess what was needed to neutralise this situation but your thoughts were pulled from you, something was heading your way and as you stopped to avoid it you found your legs taken from your as a trooper ran into you and knocked you to the ground only to be hit with the blaster that you had sensed. Head bleeding and the low lights slowly fading as people ran past you, your eyes shut and all noise faded out to nothingness.

Meet me in the opening.   
Meet me in the opening.   
Wake up and meet me in the opening.  
Wake up and meet me in the opening.  
Wake up  
Wake up

Like a mantra it repeated in your head and brought your mind round into consciousness again. This voice was gentle but firm, as if a mother shaking your shoulder to rouse you from your sleep. Coughing and feeling the stickiness of the blood on your head, the cold of your body as it had been led there during the night seeping through to your skin, the smell of burning and blood and flesh being carried on the morning breeze and the urging voice in your head calling you. You saw the bodies, troopers and Resistance alike led on the ground, some bearing blaster marks, others missing limbs and scattered, helmets smashed and broken, trees scorched.  
Come to the opening.  
The opening. The opening where your troopers had been blown apart, where the ships had been destroyed and you had been stranded, where you had been thrown into the air?   
Yes.  
You contemplated lying there, staying there and letting the earth take you but your despising of the people responsible for this whole situation. That was what drove you to the opening, to follow the voice and walk into the early morning light and mist that streamed through the trees and into the now ruined opening. The fire was still burning where the ships had been destroyed, the remains of the men remaining but through the smoke and mist you saw the figure standing there.   
“It’s really you” her voice whilst aged still held the same gravity it had the first time you heard it yelling for her son to come in and she had first seen you.  
“It really is you, I felt it”  
Leis stepped forward and saw you standing there, your face bloodied and a look of emptiness to your eyes. But her heart leapt at seeing you, you had been a child, a little girl on the cusp of something great. Now you were a woman, stood before her and looking just as she had always imagined you would. But more so, you were alive.   
“How did you survive- the last I heard you-“  
“He did” voice hoarse, sore and flat as you stared at her as she stepped closer once more, some of her closest allies behind her with their blasters ready should you make a wrong move. But you stared at each other, affection in her eyes despite all that you had done and all the things that you had gone against, simply pleased to see that there was still hope. Hope. That had been the one thing she had shown you, told you to hold onto and find in every situation if possible. You’d turned your back on it focusing on creating your own hope and fate rather than relying on something that may never be. But this was one of the first times you needed that hope,   
“These men...they’re here under false pretences-“  
“We received communications-“  
“It’s not what you think” shaking your head you felt the dizziness returning, forcing you to close your eyes and steady yourself.   
“You’re hurt-“  
“Nothing that won’t heal”  
But Leia was no fool, she saw beyond the surface and knew there was something more behind your sudden decline in front of her very eyes.   
“...Can you not sense it? It’s stirring within you, growing...just like the last time”  
“La- what are you talking about-“  
Her smile was gentle as her eyes glistened before the noise of the blasters being raised turned your attentions to something behind you. The rest of the blood seemed to drain from your body as you saw the stragglers, your men appearing from the trees, injured, some all but walking dead and at the front they were being led by Gen.  
“He-help....help us-“ his side was bleeding, his armour cracked and smeared with dirt and blood, helmet removed. The others behind him in similar states having clearly run through the trees and hiding and fighting all night and their own injuries apparent,   
“Pl-please help-“  
“THERE!”  
“HOLD YOUR FIRE!”  
“STOP!”  
“NO!”  
Resistance fighters appeared from the trees, clearly having chased the troopers through the trees. You saw Leia holding her hands up to give her order but it happened too quickly. Blaster bolts fired from the Resistance fights guns and down fell each of the troopers who held their hands up in a sign of surrender. It happened as if the world had been slowed, you saw each of the pained expressions on their faces, the blood that sprayed or the cracking of the armour but the worst of all you saw Gen look to your pleading with you, his eyes over spilling his tears as the blaster bolt was fired and shot him in the head. The blow shattered the front of his skull and sent shards to the ground as his lifeless body fell and brain matter and blood seeped into the reeds. Leia and her guards stared in horror at what had just unfolded and saw the blasters being raised towards you as you stood frozen, Gen’s blood and bone splattered over your face.   
“HOLD YOUR FIRE!” Leia screamed, standing in front of the fighters who looked at her and saw the anger in the General,   
“What have you done?!”  
All the hope she had placed in you was gone as she turned and saw your eyes had clouded and become dark, this was a rage that created dark beings and was responsible for destruction. Your gaze lifted, eyes staring at the men that had fired as if committing them to memory before Leia saw them each dropping their guns, eyes widening as they grabbed at their throats as if being held and choked.  
“Stop this! This isn’t the answer- stop!”  
But it was too late. They dropped to the floor, lips blue and eyes bloodshot from the pressure that had been placed on their throats as they were choked to death. The force had shifted and darkened, she felt it change an all consuming cold enveloping her body.  
“STOP HER!”  
Leia heard her head guard yell before she saw the end of your coats disappearing into the trees as you ran from them and you continued to run and run even when your body was screaming with exhaustion. Surging through your body, unlocked and refusing to be placed back in its box was a deep rooted hatred and anger.   
“This is extraction unit 248-“  
They’d sent an extraction unit for you. You saw it hovering and before it even landed you ran and jumped onto the ramp and marched inside to see the awaiting troopers.  
“Waiting for confirmation-“  
“They’re dead!”  
Your yell filled the small ship and the troopers froze, pilots swallowing down their words as they nodded and began their take off as the Resistance fighters on the ground fired and tried to bring down the ship. But they were futile attempts, the ship was up and off the planet and into the sky. Heart pounding, blood rushing, blood dried and the unforgettable memory now seared into your brain your rage built and built and with it darkness clouded your mind. On and on it built until you had reached the Finalizer hanger and the ramp was lowered, you didn’t wait for debrief, you didn’t even stop when you heard Hux yelling for you to stop, you would deal with him later. You marched, people moving out your way as they saw your appearance until you reached the blaster doors and hammered with a clenched fist over and over until they opened and you forced your way in and past the figure and head down the familiar passage into the room where you had sworn you’d left your past. Kylo entered and watched as you paced back and forth, he could sense the anger he could feel it filling you and filling the room until you turned and faced him, teeth grit and face splattered with blood.  
“I’m yours”

It was a ceremony between you both. Undressing you, destroying the clothes in the fire pit he brought out a bowl and washed your skin of all blood and remnants of battle, washed your hair and braided it back before you stood in front of your displayed robes. One by one he removed each garment and dressed you, pulling the robes on and fastening the belt before lifting the helmet and holding it in his hands as he stood in front of you, cradling it between you both.   
“I knew this day would come”  
Leaning forward there was a moment of intimacy as he placed a kiss to your forehead. It seared your head, like some religious mark scrawled on your skin with a blessing before your helmet was placed on your head and concealed your face concealed who you were. Finally your sabre unhooked and placed in your gloves hands where he held it with you.   
“Now we end them, together”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War has begun.

The morning was cold, the mist rolling over the green of the trees and grass covering the suns light and casting a chill. Stillness had settled over the Reliance base, Leia addressing the incident that had taken place nearing a week ago. The bodies of those that could be collected and found were burned on their pyres and a reminder given that such tactics were spared for bounty hunters and the First Order, not for those seeking for peace in the universe. Needless to say, those responsible had fled from the Reliance claiming that their lack of action was not enough.   
“We’ve heard nothing General” Poe Dameron stood beside Leia as she stood facing the grasses that were opposite the entry of the base, all that had been on her mind had been seeing you again, seeing your face and knowing that the rumours hadn’t been true at all. She’d sensed it, the flickering of light and that was what she had grasped at, held too until the horrific moment when she’d seen it seemingly slip away with the murder of the troopers who had surrendered.   
“Are we sure the Finalizer has left our orbit?”  
“The patrol saw it themselves, they turned and went into hyper speed and haven’t returned since” Poe sat on one of the reporting tables, the entire of the base still asleep and readying themselves for another day of tense ridden work whilst waiting to hear back from Rey that she had indeed located Luke.   
“I’ll go and check for myself-“  
“No, no you stay” Leia motioned for Poe to remain seated, but he had been round the General long enough to know that there was something she wasn’t telling him or the others. Those that had been involved in the incident had remained silent or left, no one questioned them knowing their loyalty to her would forbid them.  
“Who are you waiting for?”  
Sighing, Leia let her folded arms hang at her side, head lowering as she finally accepted that the time was coming she would have to reveal your identity and include it alongside the other information the Reliance would need.   
“For a sign of hope”  
Poe didn’t question the General, he knew that the idea of hope was what she lived by, it was what the entirety of the Rebels and now the Reliance were built on. She would reveal all when she was ready to do so.   
“Once the patrol returns shut the doors”  
“Do you not want another unit to circle-“  
“No, keep everyone inside and have them ready for my briefing, there’s more that we are in need of learning”  
Poe nodded and watched as Leia turned and walked back into the base towards the command room. He would wait for the patrol to return and just as instructed, have the doors closed.  
But as Leia returned from her moments rest and contemplation, she found that the doors were still open and Poe was stood with another of the commanders.  
“What’s the problem?”  
Both Poe and the commander shared a glance, but without speaking Leia knew that something was wrong. She had felt unease greatly that morning and despite her reflection and rest it had steadily grown worse.   
“The patrol still hasn’t returned and we can’t locate them”  
The patrols knew to keep contact and return to the base as soon as they could and if there were any delays to report them back. To hear nothing was an issue and one that Leia knew must be resolved and quickly.  
“Come in Red patrol this is command base requesting location”  
The crackle of the communications seemed to fill the silent halls of the base, Leia stood beside the lead communications bench, Poe stood facing the base communicator with a gathering group of waking workings gathering and the whispered situation passing between them.  
“Try again”  
“Come in Red patrol this is command base requesting location”  
Still the resonating silence on the other end of the communicator.   
“Gen-“  
“Let me try”  
Taking the seat, everyone watched as Leia took control.  
“Red patrol this is General Leia Organa, we need to know that you are safe and your location so we can send assistance if you require it”  
Perhaps hearing her voice would spur and gain some sort of reaction, yet as she let the switch go the same crackle filled the air and the screen remained flat showing that there was no sign of a signal or incoming transmission.   
“Get some of our pilots in the air, I want their route tracked and I want to know where they are”  
Given his orders, Poe nodded and indicated to some of the waiting pilots to follow him. Within a matter of minutes, there was a patrol of X wings in the air searching for the missing patrol team whilst the base remained in suspense and anxious at the loss of a group.  
“General perhaps we should join the search on the ground-“  
“No, we need men here; Dameron knows what to do”  
Leia reclined in her seat, staring at the screen once more. She tried to suppress the rising doubt that was filling her very core, but she knew from past experience that ignoring such prompts would result in a worse situation.  
“Close the base-“  
“General the pilots-“  
“They know the drill, close the base-“  
“What about the patrol?”  
“There’s nothing we can-“  
“Help us”  
It was almost missed, a voice that wasn’t among the crowds stood round her.   
“What was-“  
“Help us”  
The wave was small but enough, the communicator took his seat once more whilst Leia leant over the back and saw them work with the various panels before they heard it again.   
“Help us”  
Yet despite the joy at hearing that the patrol had responded, Leia felt a coldness come over her and knew that there must have been others that sensed it.   
“Switch it off”  
“What- General we have-“  
“It’s not them”  
“What do you mean?”  
Leia stood up and faced the commander who, like she, had realised what was happening.   
“General-“  
“That is the voice of the patrol leader-“  
“Then why aren’t we going to help them?!”  
“Because it’s the voice of a reanimated”  
The coldness spread through the room. Reanimated was a dark practise, one that was seen in the far reaches where the law seemed to be nothing more than an inconvenience to the inhabitants. Banned under law, it was the reanimation of a recently deceased to use their body for the purpose typically of slavery.   
“Shut the doors and get Damer-“  
Yet as the order was being given a hurtling fireball landed just outside the open entry of the base. Molten metal and a twisted, near unrecognisable frame of an X wing.   
“What happened!?”  
It seemed the whole base was lost in staring at the flaming wreckage, some running to put it out whilst the remaining people turned to look at Leia whose inner turmoil had reached a level of crises. She needed to see these people safe,   
“Shut the base now!”  
“Shut the base doors- get me-“  
“Gen-he-“  
Yet the communications table had come to life once more, the patrol units wave switched off, this was the wave for the X wings  
“Poe?!”  
“Gena- ge-ou-“  
The signal was bad, they could hear the crack and breaking of his voice and heard him yelling, something was wrong. Something had gone wrong,   
“Poe! Poe it’s Leia, what’s happening out there?!”  
It seemed the line had gone dead, that all communication had been lost and desperation was being reached as the doors were beginning to shut and the wreckage remained burning.   
“POE?!”  
A feint hiss and crackle as his broken up voice tried to force it’s way through way through the signal breakage. Working as best they could, communications were trying all tricks, filtering out background noise, changing the frequencies to try and find a better line.   
“POE?!” Leia spoke again, her hand gripping the back of the chair as she stared at the screen.  
“GET OUT!”  
Message received loud and clear it echoed throughout the base and all seemed to still in their tracks,   
“GET OUT! THEY’RE COMING!”  
The battle alarm rang throughout the base, triggered at the sign of attack whilst Leia felt something beneath the dread, something pulling and calling her.   
“THE DOORS ARE JAMMED! THEY WON’T MOVE!”  
Technicians and droids opened the panels and began to inspect what had froze the doors in place. Yet as Leia turned, peering through the smoke of the X wing she knew who was responsible.   
“IT’S THE FIRST-“  
Yet the technician was shot dead and the base unfolded into chaos. Storm troopers appeared from behind the smoke as if they had been stood there the entire time, wave after wave of them began flooding the base and shooting at the unsuspecting Reliance and the droids. Leia felt her arms grabbed as she was escorted out of the main base room,   
“GET US IN THE AIR!”  
Commander Zeak, her second, ordered men as they ran back and forth and Leia was escorted by himself and two guards. They heard the destruction as more troopers arrived and their own men scrambled to grab what blasters and weapons they could.  
“Get me Artoo and Threepio- I need BB8!”  
Leia gave her own orders, never one to leave or back down from a fight she grabbed her own blaster from a passing fighter who was running to the main base when the entirety of the base began to shake.   
“They’ve brought an army!”  
They heard someone yell in a passing corridor and Leia felt it again, a strong presence that pulled at her heart. It was strong enough that it made her pause in her running, gasping and sensing it throughout the mayhem that was about her.   
“General we have to leave!” Zeak urged her, calling to her and hoping that the ship they had prepared for an incident such as this was ready and waiting.   
“Princess please-“  
“We need to reach the surface”  
Despite the insistence and need to leave the imminent danger and destruction, Leia was still adamant to do things on her terms and as she saw appropriate. Zeak and the guards had no option in what was happening; instead they followed as they had been instructed. Once more the base shook, dust and dirt falling from the structure above their heads and the indefinite sound of recruits on both sides being destroyed.   
“Hurry!”  
Continuing to climb, Leia followed her intuition and the pulling that was becoming stronger with each step they took towards the surface. Above them, not far the units of troopers made their way from the hiding positions within the grass and the recently captured Red patrol that they had used as part of their ruse. Of course it had been realised but provided the delay that they were in need of. Troopers, AT-ST units also blasting at the base and the returning X wings, already accomplishing in destroyed several of them. Canon blasters were aimed and taking out Reliance troops as they stepped out, the TIE’s circling the air and handling the remaining X wing’s and any more that should appear as the Reliance found their feet.   
“It seems to have worked General” one of the commanding Colonel’s approached Hux who was seated in one of the land cruising vehicles along with the similar ranking gentlemen as they took in the unfolding events before them like some sort of spectator sport. He could see it all unfolding before him, just as he had planned and promised it would. He smelt the fire of the flamethrowers and the destruction that they wrought, he heard the cries of men as they were struck down and he saw his troops, his men leading the way toward and into the base, the First Order banner flying and yet there was still more to come.   
“Are they here?”  
“We have word the command shuttle is in orbit-“  
“Bring them right here and have them clean up the rest”

Leia finally reached the surface and saw the carnage that had unfolded. Black plumes of smoke rose and filled the once clean morning air, fire blazed over the grasses and lighting the branches of the trees, the First Order banner fluttering in the wind and units of troopers, elite trained and otherwise pressed forward and into her base and refuge to be met with the resistance of her brave Reliance. Along with her guard, others of the Reliance had begun to escape from the various tunnels and entry ways that had remained hidden. But she was no fool and neither were the men that were pulling the strings of their puppets, they would have their men waiting to surround them. All they needed was enough time to get their people out, let them get to the ships they had hidden or to their fighters and get them in the sky.   
“General please-“  
“Get everyone onto an evacuation ship I want everyone out!”  
Her orders were given and no matter how much it pained Zeak and the others, they knew there was no other way round it. They began to give the order, clear the base and get everyone in the air. Leia knew where her ship was but she needed to see it for herself, needed to see that she had been right and that her feeling was correct. Her eyes searched the battle ground, peering and following the direction her mind gave her.  
“LOOK OUT!”  
Attention drawn, eyes to the sky they saw another shuttle flying over them and it was no Reliance member. Leia knew who the dark winged shuttle carried without even sensing it, she knew. She saw it land not far from the edge of the trees, its long wings retracting up to its side before it began its descant down to the ground and the dust settled, the smoke calming having been whipped up by the shuttle.  
“General please- the order has been given but we must...”  
The ramp lowered as the shuttle’s depressurisation valves burst out streams of smoke. From its depth walked shining black suits, arms filled with rifled blasters far greater than the usual commissioned weapon. Bodies sleek and lean, efficient to the upmost as their green lense eyes focused on the battle and within mere seconds already Reliance members lay dead on the floor, unsuspecting at the new threat that had just entered into the equation.  
“What in the creators name are they?!”  
“...death troopers”  
Leia knew of them, they had been around at the battle of Scarif, trained beyond sufficient she had seen their work and knew that they were to be feared. As they deployed themselves into the swarms of tangled bodies she sent a silent prayer to all those that would cross their path and become yet another victim. But her eyes were once more drawn to the shuttle ramp as two final figures emerged.   
“...they’re here” Zeak shielded Leia, aiming his own blaster and watching the troopers drop in a bundle as his heart seemed to triple in its beating.   
“Who are they-“  
“IT’S KYLO REN!”  
Kylo had received the transmission order from Hux and looked round, masked once more and his hooded figure surveying the ground before the infamous sabre was drawn and ignited. All heard it’s crack and knew that whilst the troopers had been tough thanks to sheer volume, he provided a fear in a whole new light. Yet they all saw the second figure beside him, cloaked and masked just as he but with differing style. They watched as a second sabre was drawn and felt all hope leave as they watched the duo descend onto the battle ground.  
“No...no” Leia shook her head, firing her blaster once more as she saw the second cloaked figure and felt the affirming feel that what she had believed was in fact true.   
“General I insist now that we leave, we must-“  
“She cannot be- I saw her-“  
“General! This is one battle we have lost! We must regroup!”  
But Leia needed to know for herself; whilst she saw it before her she still carried her hope. Standing from her crouched position, she made herself viewable and therefore endangered, gazing down from the top of the mound of the base.  
“There she is!”  
One trooper aimed his rifle and found himself suddenly torn in two. Both Kylo and the new hooded figure turning and seeing who it was that he had aimed at. Neither would allow that despite the battle that was raging on.   
Kylo turned to you, meeting your gaze as you turned your attention to him from the top of the mound. Both already stained with dirt and blood, robes cloaked in the smell of smoke.  
“Bring her”  
Nodding silently you began your march through the throngs of battling troops. Kylo felt it, the crackle and bending in the force as his own reacted with yours and in consequence reacted with his mothers. Battling he may be, swinging his sabre and bringing its full force down on the unsuspecting victims, yet he remained wary of the force surrounding you both.   
Each step you took was met with opposition, whether it was Reliance troops refusing to let you pass as if sensing where and who you were heading for, or your own men battling with Reliance and falling in your path. Some you merely pushed out of your way, the more resistant and difficult you cut down and left writhing on the floor or motionless and merely adding another to your tally. Up the grassed slope, feet sticking in the blood and the ever growing puddles of blood and bodily matter your eyes remained focused on Leia who stepped back, knowing that you had seen her and were coming to her as she intended.   
“YOU-“  
Yet another Reliance technician ran to her defence, blaster aimed and as they fired they saw your head move to avoid the blaster before they were lifted in the air, your gloved hand outstretched and holding them with the Force.  
“My turn”  
Hurtling them back you heard the crunch as their body hit the ground and became yet another fertilizer for the soil. Above your heads the scream of the TIE’s chasing the X wing’s became louder as they battled for the skies in their dog fights, dying troops either side as you marched through them and towards her.   
“Stop this...please this isn’t who you are-“  
“Come with me and this will end”  
She heard your voice, remnants of it at least and what wasn’t distorted by the voice modulator in your own mask.  
“End, it’ll only get worse, I know exactly what would happen to me-“  
“I assure you-“  
“Take off the mask, I won’t speak with you until I know it’s really you”  
Tensing your hand round the still ignited sabre, Leia pondered for a second whether you would do as she requested. Yet the sabre was sheathed, clipped to your belt as you held the sides and removed the top half of the helmet to reveal the top part of your head, your mouth and neck remaining covered like some bandit. Holding it at your side you stared back at her, you would not remove the lower half and she knew it.   
“I had hoped-“  
“Hope has no place in this battle”  
“There is always hope”  
How many times had you heard this speech? Tried to convince yourself of it, yet each time you had been shown that it was merely lies and fantasy.   
“What happened to your men, I am sorry those responsible have been dealt with-“  
“You think that’s all this is about? Seeing troopers die before my eyes is something I see near every day, I have seen many die by my own hand and felt no remorse, this is beyond troopers!”  
Leia saw Zeak holding off the troopers that were appearing over the ridge; her guard and some of the other fighters who would in the end become her flight crew also there just to allow for this moment. Leia knew that she had mere moments before too many would come over the ridge to be held off and perhaps even bring the presence of her son. In some ways she hoped he would, the she could see you both side by side and imagine that it was some other far off time and under far different circumstances. Yet as her mind wondered and began to ponder on such things she felt another movement within the force. It was not strong, barely noticeable but she felt it and heard it calling just as it did with her brother and her son and with you. Lifting her eyes to take in your appearance once more she held your gaze, letting the smallest of movement overwhelm her until it became as clear as the morning light had been that morning.   
“You’re right, this is beyond troopers, it’s beyond us all...but surely you wouldn’t want this to be the world that anymore generations came into? For the legacy that you leave to be one of blood and fire-“  
“What are you talking about?”  
Leia silenced the words that she had formed when she saw the confused anger in your eyes and the scowl on your face.  
“You-“  
Yet she found her body grabbed, Zeak running to her side and all but carrying her away towards the trees. You wouldn’t allow it, following him and removing those that once more stood in your way, you weren’t done with her and you had your orders from Kylo to bring her to him. You would not fail that. Once more the TIE’s flew above you, being led by the X wings as they took them away from the path of the escaping Reliance ships and allowed clear passage. You lost sight for a mere second of where they had taken Leia and knew that she must have been boarded onto a ship at that point. Sure enough, three ships rose from within the trees and took off. A TIE, screeching it’s way over shot down one and you felt a moment of panic as you realised that you didn’t know which ship Leia had occupied. Yet something stirred within your chest as you saw the remaining ships take off and escape and you knew that she was still alive.   
“Where is she?” Kylo appeared at your side, his robes spotted with dark glistening spots of blood as he saw your eyes watching the disappearing lights of the ships.  
“Gone”

It was all you said and you knew without looking that the muffled screams from behind you were thanks to him, taking what remaining adrenaline and apparent frustration he had out on the Reliance that dared step in his views path. But you were not concerned with that, rather with the words that Leia had spoken in her final moments with you. Legacies and future generations. Had sentimentality really been the approach she wished to take in those brief moments with you?   
The battle ceased and those remaining Reliance that had not escaped or led among the fallen were rounded up, placed into shackles and placed onto ships to be transported back for “questioning”. Those that proved difficult were dealt with accordingly and added to the ranks of the dead. The smoke of the battle field continued to billow and was only joined by the pyres that were lit for the fallen. The base was ransacked and the Order’s finest technicians took their seats at the Reliance tables and began their work in deciphering what remained. Technicians took supplies and engine parts from the remaining ships, General Hux led his elite group round as they observed and over saw it all. Medical bay was established, Phasma over saw that, or those with severe injuries were transported back to the Finalizer with TIE escorts. For the night and until all of the base had been searched and data recorded and copied, that would be your living quarters. Removing the smaller sabre blade from your thigh holster, you ignited it and saw that the beam was clear and precise. You had removed yourself from the battlefield once you were no longer required and returned to Kylo’s command shuttle. Removing your robes and washing the grime, smoke and blood from your skin in the small but pristine conditions of the shuttle your mind had reflected once more on the last words that Leia had shared with you. Even as you sat at the end of the shuttle, the ramp lowered and watching the suns setting your mind still pondered over it.  
“Here was me thinking that you were of no use-“   
The gloating voice of Hux penetrated through your deep thoughts and sure enough as you blinked and faced him, seeing him stood at the end of the ramp, he was wearing an equally gloating smirk.  
“Instead you are just like him-“  
“Not like him-“  
“Yet you still remain a mystery, Supreme leader is of course thrilled to think that we have another like him on our ship but your past, who you are remain hidden...rather suspicious don’t you agree-“  
“It is only hidden because there is nothing to tell Hux-“  
“I’ll be the judge of that because when I find out and I will, find out who you are and where you come from, then I will be reporting it all to Snoke-“  
“For your sake perhaps it would be wise you didn’t share everything”  
“And why is that?” arms behind his back and all but clicking the heels of his boots together in a child like motion, you shook your head and lowered your head.   
“Because I am in no doubt that if Snoke did realise who had been among you this entire time, well, I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise for you but let me ease your mind by saying that you would be remembered as the General that almost succeeded”  
Eyes narrowing in your direction as the thinly veiled threat became clear, Hux merely looked you up and down as if you were some Hutt trying to con him before he turned and marched away. He infuriated you, even more so since Kylo had refused to allow you to speak with him after the events that had taken place on the planet before that day’s events. You recalled the conversations you had shared with 6F- no Gen his name had been and felt the surging darkness appearing once more as you replayed the night in your mind until the medical box that had been led at your feet was thrown from the shuttle and out only to be deflected in its path by Kylo. The box hit the ground, dinted and near splitting open thanks to the power of the force that had been behind it in both your instances.   
“What are you doing?” he had returned from his meditation early and seen Hux walking past him, clearly the box that would have taken his head off had been a result of that.  
“Nothing to concern yourself with” your tone was sharp but subdued as you reclined back once more and stared out over the trees at the blood red suns that were setting. Ironic, you thought, how the suns would reflect the events of the day.   
“You are too unfocused if Hux still remains a distraction to you” Kylo had continued in his evaluation of you, heavy boots marching up the ramp as he stood in front of you still masked but hood removed. He had yet to bathe. You could smell the smoke on him, potent and mixed with the dried stench of blood and dirt and all creating a heavy earth scent that mingled with his own natural musk.   
“I do not care for Hux-“  
“Then why that reaction?”  
Probing for an answer, he saw that you weren’t going to give him any your mind focused elsewhere. Lifting his hands, he removed the helmet and placed it down on one of the seats before he began unwrapping the shoal from his neck and shoulders and too dropping that.   
“Perhaps you need a lesson in how to focus your mind on one task-“  
“Do not treat me as some young padawan, I will not stand for it-“  
“You have no option”  
Your master he was not, nor was he your trainer; yet despite knowing that he found an odd sort of pleasure in teasing you with such things.   
“Come here”  
“No”  
Ignoring him and continuing to watch the suns, you refused to give into his taunting. Whilst the day was not something you had experienced for some time your body had reacted as it should, sharp and clean. Yet as you sat there you felt drained, your body desperate for rest and for something to clear the incessant thoughts that congregated there.   
“Come here-“  
“I said n-“  
Turning your attention finally to him, you were stunned to see that he was stood stroking his hardening cock. Still fully clothed and wearing his gloves he stared down at you and watched your reaction become fully realised.  
“You have no shame-“  
“Perhaps not. Now come. Here”  
His instructions were clear and despite your stubbornness you felt the familiar ache for such things. It wasn’t unusual, that is how it had usually gone. The left over energy from a battle was spent in fighting one another or more accurately who would be pleasuring who. This time he had won out. Lowering yourself to your knees, you crawled forward till your hands slid over the scuffed leather of his boots and continued up the toned muscle of his legs and rested on his thighs.  
“Open”  
Licking your lips you opened your mouth at his command and saw his eyes darken as one gloved hand gathered in the back of your hair and brought you forward till your lip skimmed over the already leaking tip. Smearing the delicately salt flavoured liquid as if some fine senators lip stain, he hissed as you flicked the very tip of your tongue against the opening and gathered more on your tongue,   
“Always giving in-“  
“Always desperate”  
Smirking as you saw his jaw tense at your jibe, you had to stop yourself from gasping as he thrust himself into your mouth without warning. Your mouth and throat filled and stretched you heard him groan, hand tightening in the back of your hair as he huffed breaths that sounded like restrained laughter.  
“I forgot how skilled you are”  
Humming around him and flicking your tongue on the prominent vein on the underside of his cock, you felt your eyes beginning to sting with tears as he held you there over him before finally letting you move your head back and breath.  
“You really shouldn’t given how many lay dead because of my skills”  
Scoffing he saw the sparkle in your eye as your hand twisted round his strained member, slick with your saliva as you continued to work him and heard him hiss as his head was leant back.  
“If only they could see you, the feared Kylo Ren desperate for someone to suck him”  
He pulled at your hair so much so you had to stop all that you were doing to stop him from pulling any further,   
“Put your mouth to better use. Focus”   
He would teach you how to focus and not become side tracked and you would take it as willingly as you took him back into your mouth and swallowed around him. The ramp remained open, the noise of the camps in the distance no deterrent to either of you as you hungrily lapped and caressed him. His throaty moans filled you with a sense of pride as they always had, feeling his fingers pull and his other holding your throat so that you had nearly no air until he said so. Seeing his lips part and his eyes flicker shut at the sensation and pleasure you were providing him, it was the odd moments that you shared that no one else was privy too. The moments where you were both exposed in every sense and entrusted the other to take no liberties or betray them. Dangerous for most and yet near deadly for you both given where your lives had led.   
“O-open”  
Pulling you back once more you opened your mouth and watched as his still gloved hand worked his desperate cock, growling at the friction the ridges on the gloves provided and the way that your eyes gazed up at him with your mouth open and waiting, he felt the remaining tension in body leave as thick ropes of cum filled your mouth. You saw his shoulders sag, his breathing deepened as he calmed himself and you wiped the remains from your chin and into your mouth, opening him and giving him an obvious swallow as he released your hair.  
“You’re disgusting”  
Rolling your eyes as he tucked himself away and watched you stand once more, calming your own flushed skin, you saw the dark hints sliding away from his eyes as his hand rested on the nape of your neck and brought you forward into a kiss.   
“What was that for?”  
“Whatever I choose”  
Clearly in a cryptic mood, you questioned him no further and took the rare moment that he had not hidden away and left you, shamed by his actions and savoured it before he led you into the back of the shuttle where you both washed once more. Your hands touched the new and old marks on his skin, some from his own practise blunders, most from those who had tried to fight him. You dropped to your knees once more to let your lips ghost over the bowcaster scar that was twin with the one on his face. Showing him that you saw it as no failure as you had told him back in his quarters and you had touched the scar on his face. He merely stood and watched, water cascading over his ebony locks and washing the dirt away and cleaning the wounds he had claimed. His hands in return touched the marks of your own skin, seeming to fixate on the scar on your back and chest.  
“He must know”  
It seemed more a question to himself than to you, but you were sure as to who he was referring. Perhaps you were on borrowed time, perhaps it was all a rouse and you would find yourself counted among the many who had sacrificed their life for the galaxy. But for that moment, there, you ignored the notion and simply allowed yourself a moment of indulgence. From the wash room to the small and somewhat uncomfortable sleeping platform that was tucked away in the sparse space of the shuttle, you led beside him gazing out the small port window to the darkened trees beyond and the stars beyond that. His body tense even as he slept, restless and waking several times and yet as you touched your skin to his it seemed that both your bodies finally accepted rest. Both of you falling into a state of rest as the bare skin contact acting as some kind of bond agent just like the other factors that were shared between you both. Yet it was you that woke first and with a jump, skin prickling with sweat at the dream you had just seen, the cold air of the night biting as you sat up and saw that he still lay asleep. The thin sheets falling away from your naked body you pushed your hair back and placed your hand over your mouth to stop the nausea from rising, your mind awhirl and finally clarifying the thoughts that had been collected. Leia’s words, the illness that had plagued you and the symptoms that had plagued you. Such clarity had come only in a moment when your body was finally at ease and yet in that moment of realisation you felt anything but clarity and ease.  
“Stars”  
Whispering to yourself in the silence that surrounded the room, your hand fell to rest on your stomach and beneath your fingers you felt the small stirring within you. Turning your gaze to the still slumbering form beside you, there was only thing that you could possibly think. Kylo what have we done.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all begins to fall apart.

“You took a risk- I am speaking to you-“  
“I took a risk, I heard you but it paid off and you got the information that you needed didn’t you?”  
Snapping, you snatched your arm back from Kylo’s grip and turned to face him through the visor of your helmet. His own hidden gaze turned towards you as you both stood in the personal quarters of his command shuttle. The other ships around you carried the remainder of the troopers that had accompanied you both on the mission that Snoke had entrusted to Ren; you were merely an add on. Now you were being reprimanded for not following the orders that had been given to them, apparently in his mind you had taken an unnecessary risk.  
“You do not understand, clearly. Your actions reflect on me with supreme leader, I can’t afford-“  
“What? To be fallen from his graces again? Or to seem like this girl clouds your mind day in and day out?”  
His hand tensed and you merely shook your head, once more feeling your temperature rise and the all too familiar feeling of claustrophobia from your helmet. Prying it from your head, you let it drop to the floor as you took deep breaths and pushed your hair back from your face, thankful for the chilled interior of the shuttle. You knew he was watching you, just as he always did and if not more since you had left the Resistance’s base after the skirmish. Amazingly they had yet to resurface. A month had passed and instead focus had shifted to finding the scavenger girl that was becoming something of a legend in her own rights. When he slept, if he slept, his mind was open that tiny bit more and allowed you to see the feint features of the girl that preoccupied his mind. Were you jealous? You had often asked yourself that question but the link that you and he shared was beyond that, there was no romance, no unexpressed desires. You took what you wanted from one another and in the end it had been too much, tempers flared, anger was rampant and somehow still you both remained. As such, that said connection and relationship of sorts meant that he was highly aware of you and any changes that seemed to occur despite your dismissal and attempts to hide it away.   
“You are sick-“  
“I’m not sick, not in the sense that you think”  
“Then you are sick-“  
“No I’m-“ sighing in exasperation you shook your head and took a seat, pushing your hair back once more as you closed your eyes to stop the rolling nausea.  
“When we return you will report to medical bay, there you will receive a full assessment and then the results will be reported to me-“  
“I will not-“  
“Even General Hux has noticed a change, there is something wrong and I will not have you act as a hindrance-“  
“Then by all means leave me on the next planetary system where I will be of no concern”  
“Tempting”  
Scoffing at his dry humour, you sat back and let your head lean into the head rest and stared out the small port hole and saw the blurred lines of light and passing stars.  
“I can sense it”  
You were sure anyone else would have fallen out of their chair in shock when they looked down and found that he was crouched in front of them, his masked face mere inches from their chest.   
“Your senses are confused-“  
“They are clear-“  
“They’re wrong-“  
“It’s there, stirring inside of you, something is inside-“  
“Your mind is clouded with misjudgement, this scavenger girl is clearly having more of an effect than you realise...I wonder if she realises it too? The twisted fates that you share-“  
“You know-“  
“I see it clear as you in front of me”  
He had nothing to say to that. As much as he was aware of you, you were aware of him. Still he continued to remain crouched in front of you, unmoving and showing no sign that he was going to leave any time soon.   
“Snoke will no doubt wish for you to report back to him?”  
“Yes”  
“I’m surprised he hasn’t requested to see me yet, though I’m sure-“  
“As long as you are under my watch he is satisfied”  
“Mmm”  
You weren’t. Force sensitive beings were few and far between, if another appeared then it was a matter of interest to both sides of the seemingly never ending battle.   
“We will be landing shortly sir”  
The troopers who accompanied you both on the ship reported through the door, not wishing to disturb their commander.   
“Prepare the prisoners”  
“Yes sir”  
Orders given, you stood and so did he bringing himself to his full height as he gazed down at you.  
“You will visit medical and report back to me-“  
“Kylo”  
But he was gone. Through the door and heading for the ramp that would open back on the Finalizer once you had landed. You could simply ignore what he was demanding from you, ignore it and return to the quarters that you had been given alongside his own. But you knew that one way or another it was becoming too much to conceal. The physical aspect was easy enough, simply loosen your robes or wrap your stomach as painful as it was, that seemed to keep the obvious expansion hidden. But the life that was forming was becoming noticeable, he was sensing the difference and in the end there would be nothing you could do to deny it. Surely, if it came from a medical droid then-  
“A successful trip then?” the probing question came from Hux as he stood and saw the lines of prisoners that were being led off the ships and escorted by the troopers.  
“I suppose it depends who you ask”  
“New workers for the new Starkiller base, Ren clearly acquired the information that he needed and you-“  
“I assisted, as I said it depends who you ask as to whether it was a success”   
A mere “hmm” as he took in your appearance. Unlike the commander, you had no issue with walking around the base without your helmet, as in that moment you were stood with it cradled under your arm as Ren stood talking to one of the engineers about a fault he had found with the shuttle.   
“Ren has sent you to medical-“  
“Does everyone know?”  
“Only me”  
Nodding you had little care, you knew that Kylo had shared the fact with Hux as a means of warning, to leave you so that you would be in medical as soon as you returned. Clearly it was having another effect, that Hux felt the need to probe as to why.  
“Perhaps I should accompany you, if anything were to happen to you I couldn’t imagine the damage that would be inflicted by Ren-“  
“You seem to assume that it would affect him if anything did happen to me-“  
“So you have said, yet I still don’t understand why. Of course there is a past between you both...but to what extent I cannot comprehend”  
“I’m sure it is a shame General-“  
“If there is nothing to hide then why the secrecy-“  
“Because I know how much it frustrates you General and it brings me a sense of joy-“  
Hux stopped and as such you moved away from him where he had been walking at your side. You continued walking before anything else could be said and found yourself stood in the medical bay. Thankfully it was quiet, there was only the odd trooper that was led in the bays, the droids delivering their care and the medical team and troopers themselves at no rush or panic.  
“You were sent by the Commander?”  
Turning you saw one of the head medical members and nodded, seeing their eyes widen with the clear sense of nerves. It was practically rolling of them. Lowering your helmet and taking a seat in one of the bays you nodded at them, trying to ease their nerves.  
“Do what you have to, or what the Commander has asked of you”  
Nodding their understanding, they brought the various trays over with vials and sample jars. Blood was taken, scans were checked, medical droids injected your skin, probed and pressed until it seemed every medical test that could be conceived had been tried out on you.   
“I uhh...the results-“  
“I know the diagnosis already, you don’t need to fear telling me”  
Sighing it seemed with relief, the medical leader placed the holopad down as you sat yourself up from the bed and sighed seeing your scanned body and the clear indication as to what was causing your “illness”  
“I don’t suppose you know who the father is? Perhaps we could inform him”  
“No, no there will be no need for that” smiling meekly at the medical leader you saw the brief thought pass their mind. They had a suspicion as to who the father was but it was not their place to say.   
“This is something I need to do, it will do you no good to be the one to break the news-“  
“How do you even tell him something like that?”  
Realising they had spoken out of turn, their hand slapped against their mouth and their eyes once more widened as they saw you stare up at them through the hologram image before reclining back against the pillows.   
“How indeed”  
You continued to stare at the hologram, the various tests and their results highlighting an area of your scanned body before disappearing. The continuous cycle was transfixing and enough to send you into an unrealised sleep. 

Since your revelation, your sleep had been harboured with dreams of an altogether different nature. Dreams that were plagued with potential outcomes, possibilities and dare you say it fear. It was enough sometimes to wake you, panic you enough to look round and ensure that it wasn’t an actual reality. So it was that you jerked yourself awake, looking round and realising that you were still in the bed in the medical bay. However, it’s quietness revealed that the night cycle had begun.  
“For a while I thought that there had been some sort of emergency to explain your lack of attendance at the debriefing”  
Closing your eyes for a moment, you realised that the voice was not part of your dream. Hux had taken a seat beside the bed and had remained there for stars only knew how long. No matter, he had sat watching you sleep and there was an uneasy feeling about that.   
“I suppose they have informed you of the results-“  
“Why don’t you just ask me Hux? That is if you haven’t already looked at the holopad-“  
“Clearly you don’t remember much, only the medical staff and patient can access such files, true I could have them opened to me but that takes time”  
Humming you sat up, leaning against the pillows and taking in the pristine appearance of the General. His legs folded as he leant back in his own chair but his keen stare remained on you.  
“And you assume that you can get out of me what it is that they’ve found-“  
“So there is something, Ren was right-“  
“He isn’t right-“  
“You just said-“  
“Kylo thinks I am sick, I’m not, it’s not a sickness. The sickness is merely a symptom”  
Hux was a smart man, but it seemed for that moment he was floored as to what it could be until after what seemed an eternal amount of time he stared at you with realisation.  
“Surely you can’t-“  
“It’s not impossible General, believe it or not but just because someone is a force user or sensitive doesn’t mean they aren’t able-“  
“But it’s Ren!”  
That seemed to be the issue he had, it was amusing to you but you were too tired to show it. Your head leant back against the pillows as you closed your eyes again and tried to push it to the back of your mind.   
“What are you going to do?”  
“Why the concern General-“  
“There is a cause for concern that’s why”  
Humming you nodded, he was right about that.  
“Until I have made the decision then nothing will be done, just like the last-“  
“This has happened before?”  
You had already said too much, but what good would it do now to stop? He would simply persist until you either choked him or he got what he wanted.   
“Kylo and I go back far beyond the First Order. I’ve known him by another name, by something forbidden to be spoken of it seems so long ago now. It was by accident that we crossed each other’s paths, but...he was always sure that things like that never happened out of coincidence, rather the force had willed it. I didn’t believe him at first...yet the more time I spent with him, training, living and watching him I realised that perhaps he was right. Perhaps the force really had had a say in our paths crossing...I suppose you could say the force willed everything that happened after that. We were so young, so vulnerable it was the perfect opportunity for him-“  
“Him? You mean-“  
“I followed him- well, I suppose I helped push him. It all seemed so attractive, all made sense as opposed to the way that we had been living. For years we forged our way through the galaxy, did as we were instructed and shown-“  
“Then what?”  
“...I began to see things in another way, I began to wonder whether the way that our lives were going were really the right-“  
“You questioned the First Order-“  
“This was before the established order, I knew it would follow it was only a matter of time but something came into my life that made me stop and think. My parents had followed the same life as I was; they’d lost their lives and in consequence had left me alone in the world...”  
Hux leant forward in his seat, listening to you intently as your gaze remained focused on the panelled ceiling of the bay in which you were led, your memories playing out in front of your eyes as if on a screen.  
“I made my choice and as such I received the consequences of that choice, Kylo followed his own destiny”  
Hux was not a man who believed in destiny, his philosophy was that you carved your own path in the world and if anyone stood in your way then they were merely a barrier to be removed. But this sudden and unexpected revelation was what he had needed, what he had worked towards.   
“Remove her!”  
“Supreme leader-“  
“History cannot be allowed to repeat itself do you understand General?!”  
“Who is she?”  
“His past!”

“Search every hanger! Find her!”  
Orders were issued, instructions were received and troopers began to search the Finalizer’s vast expanse. Hux had his own squad of men that followed him, spanning out as they searched the various areas on the floor that they were occupying. The General stood on the bridge, hands clasped behind his back as he pondered on what Snoke had revealed to him. How had you remained among them for so long? How had this been possible? Ren- Ren knew and yet had kept it hidden from Supreme Leader, a treasonous act and yet the rage was not directed at him. No matter what, you needed to be found and your end needed to be completed.   
You had expected that moment however, the final moment of revelation that would slot the final pieces together and expose you. Perhaps it was your own fault; your words had run away with you as you had allowed yourself to be swept up in a moment of your memories. Though you doubted it would have taken much longer for it to become obvious. Snoke would have questioned Kylo and you were under no illusion that it would have torn him apart. You had simply saved him the agony.   
“They’re looking for you-“  
“You knew this moment would come, surely?”  
“What have you done?”  
“I told the truth, just like the last time”  
Glancing over your shoulder you saw Kylo stood in the shadows, his hooded figure an intimidating shape in the darkness of your quarters. Perhaps you should have been running, seeking a place to hide. There would be time for that, for now you had to confront him.   
“Have you learnt nothing?”  
You scoffed gently, shaking your head as you sighed and let your head hang to gaze at the front of your loose gowns. Your hands cradled the gentle swelling as you turned and faced him, pulling the gowns to show the shape of your stomach as you stared at him,  
“Neither of us have”  
His body went rigid, stunned, froze as he saw the shape and knew what you were telling him. That was what he had been sensing, it had seemed familiar, something distantly familiar about it and yet never clear enough that he could define it.   
“Just like the last time, remember. We had just finished a mission, I’d been sick for weeks and you sent me to the medical droids thinking that one of the scum that we’d killed had somehow got their poison into my system. When they revealed what it really was do you remember what you said to me-“  
“Get rid of it”  
Glancing round once more, your eyes becoming hazy you saw him still stood on the same spot. Shaking your head stiffly you smiled at the irony that out of nearly all the shared memories that was the one that he remembered clearly,   
“Glad to know it was significant enough an event for you”  
“And I am telling you again, get rid of it”  
Shaking your head clearly this time you grit your teeth and faced him completely,   
“Take the mask off and tell me that, face to face this time”  
“It will not change, get-“  
“Take it off Kylo. If there is no difference then take it off, look me in the eye and say it to me!”  
So many times you had both reached this stage, neither willing to be the one that moves or relinquishes the power first. But, as with many situations you had found yourself in, this was one that you had shared together and you would not allow for it to end as it did before. You had been the one to give in, to step down and remove yourself from his presence and as such it had led to your demise and to fall by his sabre. This time you would see his face and would not move until he removed the mask, no matter if the hoards of troopers came storming the door to drag you to a cell, you would refuse to stand down until he removed the mask.  
“What do you think you’ll see-“  
“The face of the man whose stood in this position twice, show me you can do this”  
The challenge was something he couldn’t resist, you knew that more than anyone and sure enough his hands raised from his sides and rested on the all too familiar mask clasps that released the seal and the mask itself. With great care it seemed, he lifted the mask away from his face and revealed himself. The scar that lined his healed skin seemed to glisten under the dim lighting that filled the room; his dark eyes seemed to absorb the remainder of the light into the depths. They seemed to take in your face before lowering down to the gentle slope of your stomach as if inspecting to see that it hadn’t been a distortion from behind the mask.   
“Well, what do you say?”  
Wrongly, your mind wondered whether there was an actual chance he would have changed his mind. That removing the mask would also remove the facade that it provided and the rest of the galaxy saw.  
“Get rid of it”  
But you were wrong. His voice, whilst lower than usual, seemed resolute in its tone, his expression void. It was blank; his feature seemed frozen in their appearance, unchanging. You remained where you stood in silence, willing that if you remained silent that he would say something else.   
“Kylo-“  
“I will not say it again, you had your orders-“  
“This goes beyond orders-“  
“This is a distraction that I allowed to deter me from my training, from my mission-“  
“This is Snoke-“  
“Supreme leader knows all! I will not have him think that I am weak! That I cannot do this!”  
“He would have you destroy every last thing in your life-“  
“So be it”  
Of all the things that had been spat in anger, yelled with momentary hatred or indeed in the moments of your bed sharing, never had his words pierced you as those did. The scar over your chest prickled; ached as if being slowly torn open once more.   
“Then I suppose I will not need to ask for your forgiveness for this-“  
“What-“

Hux found the Commander sat on the stairs in your quarters, his head bleeding where you had struck him and left him on the floor. He would have easily overpowered you if it hadn’t been your ability to hide your intentions from him; as a consequence you had managed to escape.   
“Double the guard! No one sleeps until we have her!” Hux barked his orders and stood in front of the still seated Kylo,   
“Well Ren, once again it’s down to me to finish your instructions from Snoke-“  
“I will finish this”  
With a flurry of his coat tails, Ren was gone leaving Hux in your now abandoned rooms. He searched them, opened every drawer and hidden panel to see if there was some clue to where you could hide or a place that would be a safe haven. Yet there was nothing. Still you remained a mystery to him, unknown and unclear as Ren himself.  
Despite the doubling of the guards and the vigorous searches of the ships that came in and out of the Finalizer, the differing levels searched day and night you were not found. Ren sat in his meditation rooms and searched for you on a superior level but found that your once strong signal had once more become akin to an endless droning. Like your signature in the force had been pried and torn from the very fabric that bound it all together. He cleared his mind of you as best he could, removed the memories that had been created since your resurfacing and yet they did not disappear like the others had done. He reasoned with himself that holding them in his mind would focus his mind and he would find you and the child that was growing inside of you. Yet, it seemed that even their force signature that had become apparent to him was also missing, as if it too had been removed. Once more his mission had changed, the scavenger girl would remain but until then his intended target was you and his unborn child.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past differs in recollection depending on who is the one doing the looking back. Things are missed and danger is mixed with sadness and loss.

The inside was dark, cramped and with each hour that passed becoming all the more stifling. Groups were sleeping where they could, draped over boxes or on what little luggage and possessions they had, others leaning on their travelling companion. Some were huddled in corners, awake and quietly gambling what little credits were in their tattered clothes. Others sat silently in the dark, their eyes flicking over to the figure who occupied one corner, leaning against the wall. Since they had all walked into the hub of the ship ready for transporting, the hooded figure had isolated themselves away, keeping their face hidden but every now and then emitting a groan. No one approached, no one asked, it was none of their business after all and if something was none of your business then you didn’t get involved. That was how lives were lost. However, the night cycle had begun and it seemed that the mysterious figure was weakening with each passing moment. The few that had occupied the small space beside them had long ago moved away, claiming there wasn’t sufficient space for them to sleep, or that they had spotted someone they knew. It was obvious however that they were just as worried that whatever was wrong with the stranger was infectious. If it was an illness, the chance was that all those confined with them could become infected if they already weren’t. Thankfully, for the stranger the darkened room meant that no one around them was aware of the dark liquid drops that had begun to collect at their feet. Smearing them away as best they could with their foot, they continued to lean on the wall and swallow down as much of the noises that rose in their throats as they could. 

The Finalizer:

“Why have you called me here?”  
“There’s something I need to tell you-“  
“We leave for the next village tomorrow, we can’t afford-“  
“Kylo this is important”  
“Surely it’s-“  
“I’m pregnant”  
He stared, knowing full well what the words meant but his mind had become clouded. This couldn’t be happening, how had he allowed this to happen? How would he tell Supreme Leader- this was your fault. He had sensed it, when you had stopped him in the village, there was something stirring in you, a doubt, a fear.  
“Get rid of them”  
It could not be, he would not allow it, he would not become like his own father.  
“What- Kylo wait-“  
“You heard me. I will give you until the end of the day, then I will be informing our master what has been done and your fate will be left in his hands-“  
“Kylo-“  
He would not stay and look at you. He removed himself and despite the intended mission the following morning, his meditation that day was focused on you, on the situation that had arisen. He waited, watched for your return so that this could be put behind him as another failing he must learn from. But come the red setting sun that evening, you still hadn’t returned. Following through with his threat, he told Snoke.  
“She has betrayed us-“  
“She would not do that, she has trained with me since we were children- she would not-“  
“She has found your mother, she has defected our cause and seeks to destroy you”  
Snoke’s words echoed around him, they couldn’t be true and yet a cold bolt pierced his chest. Had he realised the entire time and been blinded to it simply because it was you?   
“You know what you must do”  
“Surely there is some other way-“  
“No! You must end her and ensure the future of our cause”

As he approached you atop the temple steps, he wondered whether there was some other way. Surely Supreme Leader would see that a child would be the continuation of the cause, another heir to the name and one that could be taught the ways of the force and shown the way, learn of their great grandfather and how it was in their blood? But he had said it, he had been the one that had given the order for them to be removed. You stood with your back to him, watching the sunset before you. It had been a long month of searching for you between the missions that he had been sent on by Snoke, taking what information he could and using the connection that you shared. Now he had found you, stood on the spot where you had both sworn allegiance to one another and left for the future that he had always assumed you would share.   
“Make it quick, don’t let me see the darkness again”  
Your words remained with him, even when the memories had been driven from his mind those words resonated with him. Holding you as the final sparks of life fled from your eyes and he was left with the heaviness of your motionless body, an invisible weight pressing on his chest as he dropped his sabre and continued to hold you. The rain pattering on his helmet sounded like a thousand blasters bouncing in his mind and his otherwise silent being. He knelt there until his body shook with the physical cold of the rain, clothes heavier than they already were as they became saturated with water. He waited for you to take a deep breath and look at him, ready to leave and join his side once more but even when the other knights came and informed him that they had to leave you still hadn’t moved. He’d done it, Kylo Ren; leader of the Knights of Ren had ended your life and that of his unborn child. The intention was that he would carry you from there and take you away to be given the proper rights, but the other Knights refused. It was not the wishes of Snoke who saw you as nothing more than a nuisance that had been removed and their glory could continue. Yet all that remained in Ren’s mind was the moment his sabre had ignited and pierced your chest and the weight of your body as it fell back. For many nights after it was all that plagued his dreams and in the end pushed him towards exhaustion as he would avoid sleep at all costs.  
Waking with a start, Ren sat up and pressed his head into his hands feeling the cold of his metal hand soothing the burning of his skin. Once more the nightmares had returned, he heard the crackle of his sabre and the burning as it pressed through your clothes and flesh, the tang of your blood and the sight of your dying eyes. Body covered in sweat, hot with a fever like temperature he searched his mind once more to see if there was any trace of your force signature and as it had been for every other time, he found nothing but silence. Was it guilt? No, he didn’t feel guilt, there was no guilt at what he had requested of you, what had been done to you. You’d known from the beginning the risks and requirements, if you had chosen to disobey then the consequences you faced were your fate. Yet even as he rationalised and found calmness once more, he felt himself sneer at the notion of “fate”.

The temperature of the holding bay had already doubled. The close pact bodies of the passengers and the lack of working filtration meant that the outside temperature seemed to be doubled. Small rays of light pierced through the side and streamed into the holding bay as the bustling crowd seemed to form themselves into a chaotic order ready for landing. Ready for whatever lay beyond the ramp, still the stranger remained in the corner with their head hanging low and covered and groaning all the more frequently. A few wondering eyes had spotted the blood on the floor where the stranger stood and were more than eager to vacate the premises and get away from whatever it was that was plaguing the passenger. Thankfully the temperature began to drop as the descent to the planet started, relief washed over all faces as they bustled closer to the ramp  
“Chandrila”  
The captains voice echoed through the bay as finally the ramp opened and revealed the mildly lit day. Grey skies with a fine drizzle, hardly a welcoming day but welcomed enough to the inhabitants that had been travelling for near a week. Walking into the fine drizzle was like standing under a waterfall, cleansing their skin but also reminding them of just how much grim they had to clean when they reached their destinations. Staggering down the ramp came the hooded stranger, grasping the landing leg as they stepped down onto the damp walk way, the guards warily watching them as they followed after one group that had left the holding bay. Those that had been able to afford their own private sleeping bays had been in the upper floor of the ship and had been allowed to use the official landing walkway that was sheltered from the rain.  
“Halt. Let’s see some identification” one of the guards stepped in front of the stranger, gun held across his chest as he remained unmoving.  
“Please, let me pass-“  
“Identification-“  
“You don’t need to see any, I’ve walked off that ship as the others did-“  
“...I don’t need to see anything, you came with the others on the ship”  
As quick as he had stopped them, he let them pass and into the main city. Their mind clouded and changed with no recollection of how or what their first request had been. 

It was bustling with a market in the main squares that was overlooked by the old senators arena. People with their stalls selling their home made goods from their own gardens and travellers from outside the city walls bringing in their goods to share. It was a pleasant sight against the greyness of the sky, filled with pops of colour from freshly bundled flowers and the jars of blue milk that were being haggled for. It was a hive of enough activity that it allowed the stranger to slip through without too much attention being drawn to them, even more so the further into the market they walked. The stalls there, hidden or tucked into corners held something other than fresh produce and flowers, it held relics, things that had been carried and secretly brought from all realms. Relics that harked back to the old Empire and for some were priceless and collectible. Trooper helmets, old imperial officer uniforms, TIE pilot suits, all manner of propaganda that had been posted in Imperially controlled cities and planets. The people there were hooded, hiding their faces so that should anyone pass by they would remain hidden in their dark den of buying. It was a shameful thing; of course soon it would be anything but. The First Order’s relics would join the relics and be the desirable items that people fought for.   
“That’s a hundred credits!”  
One stall owner snapped, removing the TIE pilot helmet from under the seemingly scrutinising gaze of a hooded figure.  
“I said-“  
But they weren’t interested in the helmet, their hands gripped the side of the table as a guttural groan gurgled from beneath their hood. The stall owner screwed up their nose, clearly this was not a customer of any worth to them and they certainly weren’t going to put their prints on the pristine helmet. With a dismissive wave of their webbed hand, the stall owner turned to a customer who showed real interest and left the stranger to stagger away, leaning against the solid wall to hold up their form and leave a trail of sporadic blood drops behind them.   
Their feet had begun to drag in the sand behind them, falling into some of the passing crowd who swore and yelled after them in all manner of tongues. But they continued to stagger on, uncaring and seemingly unaffected by what was uttered to them. They had somewhere they needed to be and the pain that was riddling their body wasn’t going to prevent them from reaching there. Even as the blood drops became thicker and heavier, they continued through the main stretch of the city before reaching the individual units that housed the families. Each were sunken down into a square with a garden that rose up on a slope and were filled with the same essentials that were expected in Hanna city a place of natural beauty and in harmony with the nature around them. Flowers arched round the unit borders, insects that created sweet pollens and sticky treats for the families buzzed round in the sprinkling rain. Yet despite the weather, the street between the units were still filled with children who ran and played whilst their parents returned from working or prepared the evening meal.  
“Mika! Mika!”  
The young boys call was tinged with joy and disbelief that his young eyes were really seeing who he thought. It had been years after all since they had last seen and there was a hood, perhaps they were mistaken.

Lowering your hood with a trembling hand, you forced a smile onto your lips and saw their eyes fill with realisation that they had indeed been right.  
“Mama!”  
Crashing to your knees, legs no longer able to carry or hold your weight, you held your arms out as the boy ran into them and you allowed your fading strength to be placed into holding him as tight as he held you. He had been so much smaller the last time, you could still carry him in your arms but now he had grown. His features so like his fathers, his hair dark like both of you, eyes kind and curious and bright.   
“Lucian” his voice felt foreign on your tongue but brought tears to your closed eyes as you felt his arms squeeze you tighter.  
“Lucian what-“  
Slowly prying your eyes open you saw his grandmother emerging from the small house. Leia stopped on the top step as she saw you embracing your son, she had returned to the planet not long after the battle. She had to see her grandson, to confirm to herself that he was all right inadvertently give herself a reminder why she would keep fighting. Lucian Anakin Solo, the grandchild she had thought she would never have and who reminded her so much of her own son when he had been that age. You’d insisted that he would have the family name and Leia had not stopped you. She recalled the day that you had come to her, carrying a wound that would have ended anyone else’s life and carrying her unborn grandchild. She had ensured that you were seen to by the best medical droids and was there when you delivered the child.   
“Mama what’s wrong?”  
Gasping you saw the sand beneath you was stained with blood and gazed at Leia, shaking your head as Lucian looked between you both.  
“Lets get you inside, Mika has cooked you your favourite-“  
“But mama-“  
“It’s nothing, I’m fine go on, Mika has worked very hard”  
Wise beyond his years, Lucian gave you a sceptical look but when Mika appeared, an entrusted confidant of Leia’s, he ran to her and was led inside.   
“What’s happened-“  
“I need to get inside, then I’ll explain-“  
“There’s no explanation needed, but I need to know-“  
“In time-“  
Pain riddled your body once more as you grasped your stomach and more blood appeared between your legs. Leia helped you up as best she could, Mika’s partner appearing having been sent by her and helping you inside. It was cooler inside, something you happily welcomed as you were escorted through the living quarters. Mika and Lucian sat in the garden having their dinner as you were carried into one of the rooms.  
“Put her down, fetch a medical droid-“  
“It’ll be a push to find one at this time”  
“Anyone will do, I’m not picky...besides, they won’t be coming for some time”  
Smiling at your push at humour as you undressed yourself, she left and went to fetch someone who could help.   
“You know as well as I do that’s not the case-“  
“Just like last time”  
Leia watched as you dropped the heavy robes down onto the floor, pulling yourself up and settling on your knees.  
“How far-“  
“They won’t survive”  
Perhaps it was your sharpness or the way that you seemed to have come to terms with that matter already, whatever it was made Leia pause as she watched you pull the top layers off until you were in nothing but a thin under dress that was stained red.  
“You said that about Lucian-“  
But you didn’t hear, a pained groan radiated from your body once more as you leant your head back tried to focus all the pain in your mind and repress it as you had been trained to do so. Though you were certain that training as a Jedi had not taken into account childbirth. Leia watched, recalling when she had gone into labour on the Millennium Falcon, how Han had tried to act his usual confident self but sat in the cockpit whilst Chewie had been the one who helped her. When you had been giving birth to Lucian you’d done it yourself, she guided you, held your hand when it seemed too much but had remained your distant self.  
“How far-“  
“Not far enough-“   
Your strained cry caused her pain. To see you in physical pain, skin shining with the strain of your body and the blood that was gathering on the sheets beneath you and on your hand as you felt for the emerging child, it was nearly too much.  
“Does he know-“  
“He knows...it was the same response”  
It seemed to only magnify Leia’s sadness to hear that her son had refused to accept either of his children. Yet she couldn’t find the heart to fully blame him, his mind was a place she was sure many would have nightmares off and yet he lived with it daily.   
“One more push”  
Nodding your head, feeling the sweat roll down your neck and back you strained and leant onto your hands as Leia pressed another cold wrap to your neck, watching as your body tensed as you pushed onto the bloodied sheets. Mika and Nila had taken Lucian out so that he didn’t have to see or hear anything, though he wasn’t pleased he couldn’t say goodbye to you.

“Leia please-“  
“I promise you it’s nearly over”  
The desperation in your voice brought tears to her eyes, hearing the pain in your voice as you leant your head to your hands and your body shook with the pained but silent sobs. She stayed with you for the whole thing, watching as you lifted your head and pushed enough that finally the child was born. Blood and fluid splattered the already ruined sheets and their small, fragile form lay still. They were small, so very small and both of you remained silent and still as you gazed down at their form before you sniffed and brought your robes from the floor to wrap round them.  
“I’m sorry little one”  
By the time the other three returned, the room had been cleaned and tidied and you had been washed and were sat in bed. You and Leia had said your goodbye to the child that would never be, quick and simple but enough for you both. Lucian was asleep at your side whilst Leia reclined in a chair beside your bed.   
“I know there’s still good in him-“  
“I thought so too, now I’m not so sure”  
Leia had always known that you shared her view, even when Han didn’t you had. There was still a side to Ren that felt the pull to the light.   
“You know there is, perhaps it’s buried deep down but it’s there-“  
“I tried and this is where it has brought me. One child in hiding, his father thinking him dead before his birth and the second...”  
Your throat tightened as you thought of the child you had just delivered and lost all in the same day and shook your head as you stroked Lucian’s hair through your fingers.   
“I know you wanted there to be something Leia but it’s gone-“  
“You don’t mean that-“  
“Oh?”  
“I see it in you”  
Scoffing gently, you shook your head once more and wiped your eyes as you stared at the candle that sat beside your bed. You knew that the darkness in you had risen, you felt it in your very bones but unlike the last time you relished in it. Suppressing it was harder than it had been before, yet you felt no desire to do so.  
“No matter, he’ll have his orders now and this time I’m sure he’ll see them through to their fullness”  
Leia sighed and leant back, in your stubbornness you couldn’t see that that was exactly what she meant. Your anger at him meant that you still held it in you that he had light in him.  
“I remember when he was a little boy, he woke up one night to come downstairs and tell me he’d had a dream he was so excited. I said what is it son? What was your dream? He said, I dreamt of a princess, I’m going to meet a princess and take her away on our ship just like papa did with you! Every day after that he would run round the city and look at all the passing children to see if there was anyone who matched his princess...then that dream faded-“  
“We all know he wasn’t particularly inclined toward emotional displays anyway-“  
“Apart from when he was building something-“  
“Or racing the pods he made through the fields and scaring all the shaaks”  
Both of you shared a faint smile at the memories of a man that they both knew yet barely recognised who he was anymore.  
“...does he still fly?”  
“Rarely, he has a shuttle...but I caught him working on some of the TIE’s late one night after we’d...well, that’s not something you need to know-“  
“I know what happens, where do you think he came from?”  
Leia smiled and chuckled as you rolled your eyes and smiled at her, lifting Lucian’s hand and taking in every detail about him.  
“He’ll know one day”  
Holding Lucian’s hand tighter, causing him to stir in his sleep you looked to Leia once more.  
“I know...he’s coming to the age now, if he does...if he is one of us then he’s going to sense it-“  
“He doesn’t know he’s alive, I stared right at my...at him-“ even now Leia found difficulty in accepting her father but you understood her.  
“I feel it, it will happen and on that day his life will be changed forever, he will be in danger-“  
“Mika will care for him and so will the Reliance-“  
“I meant his father”  
Leia knew you spoke the truth. Both father and son’s life would never be the same again when they discovered one another and that time was drawing close.


	11. Chapter 11

“Who would do this-“  
“Anyone if they were told too” coughing out the bile that had filled your mouth before leaning back and wincing at the pain in your stomach, Leia watching on as always and making sure that you were safe enough.  
“That means they know-“  
“No doubt. Snoke sent out the order to bring me to him to take me out on sight, no doubt someone got to me....Hux-“  
“The general?”  
“Don’t sound so surprised, we weren’t exactly friends”  
She saw the attempt at humour, but the sweat covering your face and shaking of your body was too much of a concern. Whatever poison it was that had been given to you was taking full effect, there was no doubt that it was also the reason the child had been born early.  
“I’ll blast his-“  
“Believe me, there’s a line you’ll have to join” holding your hand out, Leia took it and helped you up and led you back towards the bed room.  
“Kylo being one of them-“  
“I can believe that” Leia nodded, taking her seat beside your bed as you pushed yourself up to lean against the wall.  
“Though it is rather amusing to watch them sometimes, see them trying to outdo each other”  
“He was never one to let someone else have the last word-“  
“He still doesn’t let it happen, many a time I’ve seen Hux stood there and wondering what he could possibly retort with”  
Leia smiled and hummed, lowering her gaze as she played with the ring that lined her finger. So many thoughts and events attached to that ring, so many people in her life.  
“There’s a girl, he’s obsessed with her-“  
“Rey-“  
“A scavenger girl from Jakku, she knows where Skywalker is-“  
“Does he know where she is? Is he-“  
“So she is a concern then, I did wonder-“  
“It’s not what you think-“  
“It is precisely what I think” you snapped, leaning your head back as you felt it begin to swirl again. Collecting yourself as best as you could, you opened your eyes once again and saw Leia watching you with a somewhat sympathetic expression,   
“She could end this, her and the trooper that joined us-“  
“So it’s all true then”  
“- just think, this could all end, he could come back to us-“  
“He won’t come back Leia! The only way this will end is if he kills her or he’s killed-“  
“No-“  
“Yes!”  
The sudden movement was too much, your body ached with pain as you began to cough and felt the bitter taste in your mouth. Standing and grabbing the water on the side, Leia handed you a glass and watched as the coughing finally subsided and left you drained. There was nothing said for a while, you looked out the small window into the street that was above and saw the children playing. Lucian would no doubt be among them somewhere, running round and pretending, imagining that he was a pilot or a farmer, whatever his mind could muster.  
“He’s a smart boy, kind, says he wants to work on ships or join the Reliance-“  
“He can never be allowed to do that-“  
“If he’s anything like you or Ben then he won’t be stopped-“  
“Then you lie, you do whatever it takes to keep him out of the Reliance and out of sight-“  
“Why-“  
“Why do you think I kept him here?”  
Leia knew, but deep down she wanted to hear all that she could from you, see the world how you saw it.  
“You know why-“  
“I know you came here when you were half dead, pregnant with my grandchild and promising that it wasn’t a trap. That’s what I know-“  
“This is the safest place for him to be, he’s safe and hidden”  
“From his own father-“  
“He’d never come back here, there’s too much of his old self here, it’s forbidden that’s why I had to bring Lucian here”  
This had been the beginning of his life, where he was born, where he had been raised and known as Ben Solo, where he had met you and you had both been taken by Master Luke to be trained. This was the forbidden part of his that he purposefully forgot about. He would never return to something that had been forbidden by his master.  
“Lucian will have to be moved if he is like you or Ben-“  
“I know but I am relying on you to keep him hidden-“  
“Or perhaps his mother could. You said it yourself; the order has been given for your life, what better time for you both to go into hiding. We would keep you safe but you could raise him, make up for the missing years-“  
“I can’t do that”  
“You’re his mother, now more than ever he’s going to need someone he can depend on”  
“That’s not me”  
You maintained the same mentality even when the state of your body became worse. Barely conscious, Leia made the decision that she would take you and Lucian back to the new Reliance base; at least there she had access to medical droids without the worry of being caught and reported back to the First Order.  
“Grandma”  
“Yes?”  
“Can I be a pilot one day?”  
Leia smiled, she could hardly help herself as Lucian appeared beside her watching as the X wings landed back on the runway,  
“I don’t see why not”  
Lucian hummed, nodding as Leia pulled him into her lap and leant her chin on his shoulder as her arms wrapped round him,  
“...grandma”  
“Lucian?”  
“Do you think my father was a pilot?”  
Leia thought back to the first time she had seen Ben fly, he hadn’t been that much older than Lucian was now. It was one of the rare days that she’d had from the senate and Han had returned from one of his adventures. Chewie and Han had been showing Ben how to repair something on the Falcon, sat on the wing and handing them things before leaning over and pretending that he was interested. Leia had called Han over, Chewie dutifully following knowing that Ben would be safe on his own whilst they were talking for a mere second, just a second. Of course, Leia’s definition of safe was dramatically changed after that day. They’d watched as the falcon was up in the sky and flew the extent of the run way,  
“BEN! THAT’S BEN!”  
“That’s Ben”  
Han had stood smirking, impressed with the boy whilst Leia had shoved him aside and run after the Falcon as if she could have pulled it back down with her own hands. Yet from that day on, she’d watched as Ben built, improved and begged to go with his father who sternly told him no. That didn’t stop him of course, before he had been taken with Luke he’d found a way of sneaking out and flying in whatever capacity he could.   
“I think your father was definitely a pilot”  
Lucian grinned, jumping off her lap and running round, pretending to be an X wing as the incoming pilots smiled and dodged out of his way.   
“General-“  
“Yes?”  
“She’s awake”

“Let me go-“  
“You need to stay here-“  
“Let. Me. Go”  
The attendant’s lips were soon turning purple as they felt the pressure of the force grip that you had on them. You’d woken and realised that you were no longer on Chandrila.   
“Put them down-“  
“Where have you taken me-“  
“Put them down and I’ll tell you everything you want”  
As tempting as it was to continue choking them, you let them down and watched as they scurried out the room taking no chances that it wouldn’t happen again.  
“Where have you brought me? Where’s Lucian-“  
“He’s safe-“  
“He’s not safe if he’s off the planet!”  
Leia said nothing, merely watched as you adjusted to your surroundings shaking your head,   
“I won’t let anything happen to him-“  
“We destroyed your last base, what makes you think they won’t do that again here?”  
“Why are you saying we?”  
In the back of your mind you always supposed that no matter who you associated with, no matter who you spoke with, in one way or another you would always reside with the First Order. But it wasn’t the First Order, no...no it wasn’t them, it wasn’t Hux, it wasn’t the Generals who sat at their tables and sent men out to do their work, it wasn’t even the memory of the old Empire, it was him. Leia knew that no matter how much she would ever convince you that staying with her was the best option, that you could do it and help them win, you would always feel the pull back to him. It wasn’t out of duty; it wasn’t out of a romance need. It was beyond that, it was beyond anything that people would physically be able to comprehend. An unspoken bond that was near indestructible even if the both of you were very capable of destroying one another. It was a loyalty that went beyond any code or rules that you had been trained to uphold. That had been part of the reason that they’d tried to separate you. No attachments could be had, but with you and Ren it had been almost instant from the moment you had met. Where one would go the other would not be far behind in nearly every sense; but that was where you differed from him.   
“There is good in you, perhaps more than there is him-“  
“You have no idea some of the things that I’ve done-“  
“Yet you still come back here”  
You knew the light resided in you, you’d felt it sometimes stronger than you had than any other urge. You let it overcome you, let it guide you and in those moments you had felt more powerful than you had when submerged in a singular side.  
“Why do you think Snoke never wanted you around him?”  
“Because Kylo is the one that will fulfil his grandfathers intended path-“  
“Perhaps he would like to think he will, but it’s more than that-“  
Once you had finally accepted that you and Lucian had been taken to the Reliance base and the people in the base had accepted you weren’t there to kill them, you’d taken to walking round with Leia in the early mornings so that you could both discuss matters that only the pair of you shared in.   
“Then what do you suppose the reason is?”  
Leia smiled, looking down at her feet as you both reached one of the X wings and stood beside it, walking round it as she continue to speak.  
“You allow the light to direct your anger, you act upon it to justify those that have been wrongly accused-“  
“You have no idea what you’re talking about-“  
“I know it was you that tried to stop the village massacre”  
The events of that night had spread round the galaxy, rumours that the Empire had risen once more and had sent some of its legions to slaughter innocents.   
“I killed men-“  
“You tried to stop them-“  
“That doesn’t make me any less guilty than they are-“  
“One of the children survived, we found them not long after and we brought them back with us. They told us- told me about the Knights of Ren, how they’d appeared slaughtered all that stood in their way. But that there was one among them who stood with their sabre ignited but never striking the villagers, who stood in front of the leader and pleaded with him to stop what he was doing. That when the knights thought the entire village had been destroyed, that same knight approached some of the others and struck them down with their own sabre. I know that knight was you, no matter how much you want to deny it”  
Your silence was enough; Leia could see you staring at the sun that was rising, arms folded across yourself. She’d always known you to be conflicted, never sticking to one direction or agreeing that one side was right.  
“If you want to return, then I will make sure that no one stops you. I will keep Lucian with me and ensure his safety”  
Still you remained silent, deep in thought as you listened to her and considered the options that stood in front of you as Leia turned back towards the base.   
“Snoke wants me gone because he knows that if Kylo allows himself to turn back towards the light that-“  
“He could potentially become the more powerful than even he is. You around reminds him of his past, of what you shared...what he was going to become”  
Though had been suspect of this for some time, you had always thought yourself biased that you could be held in such a regard.  
“The scavenger girl had better be careful then-“  
“This isn’t about Rey-“  
“It is now”  
Leia watched as once more you walked away from her. Faced with reality you very rarely stayed long enough to hear it, aware in your own way that whoever this Rey was, she and the others that stood beside her were now responsible for Ren and where his fate could end.  
“Who is she Ren and spare me the tales and confusion. Snoke has troops stationed at every possible space to bring her in or shoot on sight-“  
“Then I’m sure you’re more than aware of who she is-“  
“I know that she has caused more trouble than even that scavenger girl you’re after-“  
“Stop Hux”  
“I’ve got half my men missing because of this girl, Snoke deems her a priority and I have had enough of chasing her round. So you will tell me or I will make sure she’s taken to that cell again and have it beaten out of her”  
His threats were clear, Hux had had enough and Ren knew that if he saw you himself then he would shot you on the spot.   
“She’s an orphan. Her parents were part of the Empire and continued to be so even after the battle of Endor. They were killed and she was left alone. She trained with me when we were children...became one of the knights and that is all”  
“She told me about the child, that there was another one before this last...mistake. Careless of you Ren, surely someone such as yourself must be more than capable of controlling such matters and being aware of the risks-“  
“Don’t patronise me General-“  
“Yet you have no idea to whether she’s done what you demanded of her”  
“I know she did. There are no children”  
“Are you so sure?”  
Hux was a tormentor and he intended to torment Ren, except this was different and Ren could sense it. There was something the General was holding back and he would have it from him,   
“What makes you sure that there are”  
“This”  
Hux produced a data pad and placed it in front of Ren who turned his head and saw the various holo images.  
“A random child, how clever General-“  
“That random child” Hux spat as he pushed the datapad forward once again,   
“Was an orphan left on Chandrila at the same time that she was supposed to have died. There was a medical house that took in a girl who had suffered injuries akin to a sabre. Whilst there she was taken in and this child was born-“  
“You are skilled at creating a story Hux, but there is no evidence that this is the child”  
Still Hux pushed the datapad forwards and nodded down to it, urging Ren to actually look at the images.  
“I have people everywhere Ren, this is no story”  
Sure enough as Ren looked down he saw the image of you, carrying a bundle in your arms, the same bundle was then revealed and showed a baby among the blankets. But there were other photos. Ren continued on and saw his mother walking alongside you, carrying the child in her arms. All this time these images had been hidden in a data file somewhere but more so than that, you had lied to him. He had a child and if he was correct in his thinking, he was now a father of two.


	12. Chapter 12

“Mama look!” Lucian appeared in front of you wearing a pilots helmet, a large suit that had been tucked into his boots draping his body whilst some of the other pilots laughed at the child’s enthusiasm but soon quietened when they saw you watching them.  
“What are you doing?”  
“I’m being a pilot, just like my father was-“  
“Your father was never-“  
“Grandma said his name was Ben, he was born where I was born and he was a pilot, so I am going to be a pilot too!”  
You would be having words with Leia later that day.  
“Cmon mama! Let’s fly!” taking your hands, holding them out in his own like wings Lucian led you along. He was tall for his age taking after his father in near every sense that it was no struggle for you to follow him.  
“Where are you going to take me?”  
“To the sea and then all the way to the capital- I’ll buy you all the trinkets you want!”  
“All of them?”  
“All of them, I promise!” he grinned, setting off running once more with your hands in his own as you both traversed along the runway, through the parked X-wings and crowds of people.   
“Where too now?”  
“To find father-“  
“No”  
Removing your hands suddenly from his own and causing Lucian to jerk backwards, you knelt down and turned him to face you.  
“No, you must never go and search for him-“  
“But- mama-“  
“Lucian Solo you swear to me that you will never try to find him! Swear it-“  
“Mama you’re hurting me!”  
Your hands had tightened around the tops of his arms, knuckles white and his eyes glistening with tears as you calmed yourself down.  
“I- Lucian-“  
“What’s going on?”  
Lucian ran away from you, running towards Leia and hiding behind her legs whilst you were left there.  
“I- I didn’t- Lucian I’m sorry-“  
But he wouldn’t look at you, turning his head away and letting the helmet fall from his head before he was running into the base and away from you. Leia turned and watched him before turning back to you where you were on your knees and the fear in your eyes prominent.  
“He’ll-“  
“This is your fault”  
“I’ve just arrived what could I have possibly done-“  
“Filling his head with stories about his father! Telling him he was a pilot- telling him his name Leia-“  
“Well we all know that my son no longer goes by Ben-“  
“But those that could do damage know that he is your son! If they ever got wind that he was talking about-“  
“The boy should know- it’s not right-“  
“Stop trying to make up for your mistakes with my son!”  
Leia’s face fell and your words echoed in the cavernous base entrance. Her eyes suddenly filled with a sorrow that you knew plagued her, her head dropping as she looked away from you as your own anger subsided as you realised the extent of your words.   
“Leia-“  
“I made mistakes, we all make mistakes some greater than others but I do not intend for my grandson to suffer those same mistakes, from me or you”  
Leia followed in the direction that Lucian had run, intending to find and comfort her grandson whilst you stood watching her leave. How many mistakes had you committed against your son? Abandoned, unwanted by his father, a price on his head because of your actions, living in hiding and uncertainty. So young and already he had suffered at the hands of you and his father.   
“Your father and I knew each other from being children, younger than you were. We played in the same fields that you did, chasing the shaaks, pretending to be pilots. Your grandma would invite me in and I’d have blue milk and supper before I went home again. He was a pilot, he was very clever and could build and fix nearly everything you put in front of him. One day he even stole your grandfather’s ship and we went flying. We were in a lot of trouble when we landed, but we had such fun we went flying as often as we could. Then one day your father’s uncle came to the house, said that he was going to take him away and train him because he had powers, things that had been lost. I was so upset that he was going to go, my only friend I’d had was leaving me. But...there was something I had that was...that was similar to him, I didn’t even know it was there but it was and I went with them both. It was a big school, there was us and others that had been gathered, all of us being trained to use the powers we had, to use the light sabres we have. It was hard, sometimes we wanted to leave and go flying again, but your father said he would stay and become the best he could. Then one day it all changed. Your father was told something about his past, something that changed him forever and I followed him...we left the school, left his uncle and your grandmother and father behind...we were- we are...we became bad Lucian. We hurt a lot of people and did a lot of wrong things and that’s why you can never go and find your father, because you are too good for either of us, do you understand?”  
Glistening eyes looked up at you; searching your face as your hand smoothed through his hair as you sat beside him on the cot bed that he had been given. Sadness filled them, hopes and dreams of who his father was shattered and the esteem that he had held you in as his mother changed.  
“Lucian-“  
He turned away from you, removing his warmth from your touch so his back now faced you. He would hear nothing more from you. Pain wracked your body, but this was beyond physical it was a sorrowful emptiness that filled your entire being and fed into the anger that circulated through you, it fed the darkness in your soul until it was all consuming. Gasping for breath as you fell to your knees in the darkness, staring up at the sky that was littered with stars and the planets that had once been your aim to rule and control now looked down at you in mocking. On and on they stared down at you, a history of your life and all that you had tried to accomplish, all that you had gained and now all that you had lost. It built inside of you until an angered cry fell from your mouth and filled the empty void between you and those stars, letting them know your fury at the force and the fate it had given you. Until finally, exhausted from your body being ravaged with hatred you fell to the ground, motionless.   
“Sir, we have the co-ordinates-“  
Ren looked to Phasma who stood with her troops and the burning building behind them. A path of destruction followed them, a trail of their presence affirming to the galaxy that the First Order would no longer allow for its resistance. Yet Ren felt something in his chest, a forceful pull that caused his mind to see you on your knees, screaming to the heavens and riddled with such anger, hatred and pain unlike any he had witnessed fill you. You were alive and he knew where you were.   
“Reset our course-“  
“But sir-“  
“I said reset out co-ordinates and prepare to leave with immediate effect Captain, am I understood?”  
“Sir”  
Ren was in no place to be argued with. Within half an hour all trace of the First Order ever being there was gone, shuttles that had been set for the destination of the scavenger now gone and reset for another location.   
Sat in his quarters on his shuttle, Ren removed the mask and sat it on the plinth as he closed his eyes and focused on the lingering connection to you. Whilst faded, it was more than he had felt in months and now he had confirmation that you were still alive. But he did not sense the child, no trace of them could be found on you and as he pried into your thoughts he saw blood, felt the pain and sickness before he saw a fire burning and smoke rising into the sky. He saw your silhouette and that of his mother stood beside you. The child. But which one? Still it continued, a sickness in your stomach, weakness, poisoned. What state was he to find you in? Sighing he lowered his head as he felt the weakness in his own body that radiated from your own, a sense of sorrow filling the very fibre of his being before he saw eyes that were so like his own. Shining at him in the darkness of his mind and the cause of his sorrow, surely not the reflection of his own eyes- no. No they were the eyes of another, the eyes of his child. The one that had survived and Hux had shown him.   
“Sir we will reach the planet by nightfall”  
The voice from the door was merely a whisper in comparison to the eyes that were preoccupying his mind, the eyes of innocence and that innocence, the dreams being lost in a split moment.   
“Sir-“  
Ren’s eyes snapped open. How long he had been sat there he had no clue but his mouth uttered his discovery.   
“Son. I have a son”

Waking with suddenness, you felt the coldness of the rain on your skin as it pelted you. The hardness of the ground where you had fallen and the presence in your mind.   
“Kylo”  
Aching, joints cracking at the suddenness of your movement as you pulled yourself up and turned back towards the base, he was coming and you needed to leave.   
“Y/N?!” Leia called as she saw your form coming through the rain,  
“Y/N- what-“  
“I need to leave- where is Lucian?”  
“He’s in his room- what’s going on-“  
“He’s coming. He knows he’s here”  
Movement was suddenly all around you, once more the Reliance was under attack in their own base. They didn’t know how many were coming or who they were bringing, they needed to prepare. But you had only one objective.  
“Lucian! Lucian!”  
“Mama?”  
Stunned, he looked round from where he had been sat and saw you throwing things into his bag, uncaring about the mess that you were creating as you went. Leia appearing in the doorway,   
“Grandma-“  
“Hurry” she too grabbed things before the pair of you ushered him out, leading him through the scurrying troops.   
“Mama-“  
“Hurry”  
Leaning down you lifted him, walking with him and his bag as Leia led you to the base opening once again.   
“Take this ship, the co-ordinates are programmed in, when we’re done here you can come back-“  
“We can never come back-“  
“No! Grandma-“  
“You will come back and that is an order, I will not lose my grandson and my son!”  
Leia was firm and you sighed, no time could be spared and so you nodded, letting Lucian climb into the ship.   
“Keep him safe-“  
“I will, I promise”  
Leia embraced you before the sound of TIE fighters filled the air and the X-wings were in the air.  
“Go!”  
Climbing in you strapped yourself in and flicked the switches.  
“Where are we going?”  
“Away, just for a little while-“  
“What’s happening?”  
So many questions, you tried to answer them but your focus was on getting the ship in the air and out of range and finding somewhere that you could hide.   
“Mama look!”  
Attention turned towards the front of the base, you saw the familiar shape of the incoming TIE’s and knew that your time was running out.   
“Lucian, I need you to keep your head down all right, when I say you need to hide-“  
“But mama I can help fly-“  
“Lucian!”  
“...all right”  
Assured that he had at least heard your demand; you began to manoeuvre the X wing, avoiding the people that were running on the ground to their battle stations. The entrance was just there and whilst you were sure the air was already filled with a battle, you would take your chance.   
“Lucian, head down”  
You heard him move in his seat as the nose of the ship broke out into the open, the jets firing up as you angled it towards the sky.   
“Hold tight!”  
You left the ground and managed to swing it round and avoid the trees, heading for the sky and focusing on the slither of moon that was still visible. Once that was in full view then you had made it through the atmosphere and were heading out towards the open space.   
“Mama look at that one!”  
Looking round to where your son was pointing, you saw the all too familiar shuttle landing in the centre of the battlefield.  
“He’s here”  
“LOOK OUT!”  
Distracted by seeing Ren’s shuttle, you had lost focus on where you were heading and found that you were in the incoming path of a TIE.  
“Mama!”  
But it was too late. The TIE clipped the wing of the X wing enough that it caused a large cloud of black smoke to billow from the now ruined engines. Alarms and warnings filled the small space as you heard Lucian calling you, scared and confused to what was happening.   
“HOLD ON!”  
Hurtling down towards the ground, you held Lucian to you as tight as you could focusing all your strength into ensuring he was there and safe. As safe as he could be at least. The impact was hard, glass smashing over you as the ship rolled, crumpled and broken on the ground before grinding to a halt and leaving a trench in the earth. It shuddered to a halt, the smell of smoke filling the air thick and black as it plumed from the ruined engines. Not daring to open your eyes, you let sensation return to your arms and found that they were still filled and holding tightly.   
“Luci- Lucian-“  
Dazed, you opened your eyes and saw him cradled against you but unmoving. His limp frame felt heavy as you shook him.   
“No- no please stars no!”  
You checked him over and found that there were no significant injuries, there were spots of blood but your body had fared worse than his.   
“Stars please open your eyes, open them my boy-“  
Brushing his hair back from his face, kissing his forehead as your tears dripped onto his pale skin, willing the force to allow you this one mercy.   
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“  
Rocking your child, holding him close as you had wished you could for so many years and yet it had come too late. He too had been taken from you, removed and no longer permitted to be in your presence. That was your curse, your punishment for your crimes against the galaxy and the force. Body aching, broken and battered by conflict and sorrow as you carried the lifeless form of your son from the wreckage, the sound of the battle behind you as your feet carried you and your mind remained absently wondering through your life.   
“Y/N!” the voice bellowed in your ears despite how far the person stood from you on the ridge that led to the base. Black against the white smoke of battle and the smell of blood and ash on the wind, their figure gripping the crackling sabre as they pried the mask from their face to reveal Ren.   
“How could you do this?!”  
You had no answer, you did not wish to speak to him, you were ready for it to all end and you would ensure that it would. Turning round fully you stared at him and saw the recognition fill his angered eyes as he saw the child that lay in your arms as if he were sleeping.   
“You-“  
“This is your son, the child that you wished for me to rid you of...his sibling dead. Look at him-“  
“We were meant to rule the galaxy! Bring order- finish what Vader started-“  
“At the cost of your son!”  
Anger raged in you, your body tensed and wrecked in all capacities. Laying Lucian down, ensuring that he was safe and covered by your robes you turned to see his father descending the ridge towards you both.   
“I have no choice Y/N-“  
“Nor I”  
Your sabre struck his own, catching him off guard for a moment at the suddenness of your attack. This is how it would end, a battle between you both, fate would decide who would be permitted to continue in the endless struggle. Strike after strike, all of them counteracted by one another, blow for blow, pushing each other back and striking with such force it made the ground appear to quake beneath your feet. The force was in disarray, flurrying and fraught as its being was toyed and manipulated. Ren swung his sabre and as you deflected the blow, knocked your feet from under you.  
“WE WERE MEANT TO DO THIS TOGETHER! US AGAINST THEM, NOT EACH OTHER!”  
“YOU MADE IT THIS WAY!”  
Throwing dirt in his eyes, you took the distraction and brought yourself up from the ground and swung with the intent of it being the ending blow only to find it stopped by him, the force holding you there with a strength you had not felt from him before.   
“Stop this. Come back with me, we can do what we always intended, we could rule the galaxy” Ren’s face appeared over the cross of your frozen sabre, his dark eyes reflecting the burning blade and in that moment you were a child again stood in the dark hallway of the school, his whispers of ruling the galaxy, just you two filling your ears once more.   
“There’s still time for us, still time to finish what was started and destined for us...come with me Y/N”  
How many times he had promised you the galaxy, promised that there would be victory and there you were before him with no victories in sight. Your son lay at your side, lost and now you would not be leaving the planet until you or Ren were dead. Your resolve was gone, hands failing to hold the sabre up. There was only one way that this would end.   
“Y/N-“  
“Let it end-“  
“Y/N-“  
“Don’t let me see the darkness again-“  
His darkened eyes faltered as they watched your face fall, your eyes reading over his face and taking in the details that you had once memorised. One final time, one final gaze.  
“Don’t-“  
Your sabre powered down, he had to catch himself and stop his own blade from falling down on you.  
“Do it Kylo- end it now-“  
“Come with me-“  
Taking his heated sabre, you pressed the tip to your chest and felt the burning through the thin layers of your clothes, your hands covering his own as you struggled for control.   
“This is the only way-“  
“We can end it-“  
“Do it”  
Holding the back of his head so that his gaze could not leave your own you brought him close, the sabre pressed between both your chests. Bodies shaking from the adrenaline of your fight but the bottled emotions that were flowing round you both.   
“Stop it-“  
“This is it. This is the end Kylo-“  
“I- I can’t-“  
“I’ll do it for you”  
“STOP!”  
His own arm came round your back and tried to pull you away but only succeeded in you being pulled closer to him. Body shuddering, his head leant down to your own and tried to pry his sabre back from you, his lips skimming your own.  
“Don’t let me see the darkness, don’t leave me alone-“  
“Find the girl, end this-“  
“Y/N”  
Your body jerked against his own, the heated blade passing through your scarred chest and the heaviness of your body was suddenly hanging on his arms as he became the only thing that was holding you up. Shaking eyes searched your now empty gaze, his memory of the last time you had fallen into his arms, the smell of blood and burning flesh, the weight of your rapidly cooling body. The sound of the battle echoed round him, his knees buckling as he knelt to the ground and held you against him. Your skin was cold and yet his lips still felt the heat of your parting kiss.   
“Mama!”  
Through the stillness came the desperate cry of a child thought dead by both of his parents.   
“NO!” his cry filled the skies and the ground trembled beneath his father, the sky darkening and filling with thunder as his sorrow built into anger. Kylo watched as the child- his son, caused the phenomena’s around him. Screaming at the sky just as his mother had done as suddenly, Kylo felt your sabre rattle and fly past him to sit in the boys hand.   
“You killed her!”  
He had no understanding or realisation on how to use the weapon yet he ran at his father to inflict the pain he was feeling. He swung, flailing his arms in anger but his father did not move, merely raised his hand and stilled him with the force.   
“Enough-“  
“WHO ARE YOU?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”  
Kylo looked at his son for the first time, really took in his features and found that there was no way he could deny the boy. The shared features right down to the freckles on his face, it was as if he was looking at himself and it unsettled him. He could empathise with the boy, with the anger that was causing his body to quake and his eyes to burn with tears he didn’t want to show, Kylo was that boy.  
“I’m-“  
“What have you done to my mama? What have you done?!”  
Thunder rippled from the sky and mingled with the explosion of a TIE that had been caught by one of the X wings, the power being emitted from the child’s body overwhelmed Kylo. Such strength, unbridled power.  
“ANSWER ME!” Lucian demanded, trying to force himself forward as his father kept him suspended there.  
“I am your father”  
As sudden as the anger was there it dissipated into a state of shock and happiness.  
“You...you’re my father”  
Kylo could no longer speak, merely nodded at the boy and saw the tears in his eyes over flow and travel down his paled cheeks.  
“You’re my father...they told me about you...they said you- grandmother- mama” stumbling through his words and what to say, his thoughts scattered and aching with the loss of his mother and the injuries from the crash.   
“Come with me-“  
“I can’t, grandmother said I had to stay-“  
“Come with me and we will take your mother”  
The boys lip wobbled at seeing the motionless body of his mother held in the arms of his father, the man that he had dreamed of meeting and created an image of the man he had thought him to be. His grandmother had told him to stay, his mother had told him that he could never search for him, but he was there and he was asking Lucian to go with him.   
“I-I can’t-“  
“Come with me and I will show you the galaxy”  
“...as long as my grandmother is safe”  
“...I promise”  
Still Lucian was reluctant, he had been warned about his father yet he was there and was the only one now that he had. He didn’t know the fate of his grandmother and his beloved mother who had been absent for most of his early life lay dead at his feet.   
“Come with me”  
Kylo stood, lifting you in his arms and walking away towards the ridge where his shuttle sat. Lucian watched the tall figure draped in black, walking away from him and leaving him. But not this time. Grasping the helmet that belonged to his father, carrying its weight in his hands he ran after him.  
Kylo watched as your body was laid on the marble slab, your body draped in the finest black fabric that symbolised your belonging to the Knights of Ren, your sabre lying at your side as your peaceful features lay closed as if you were merely asleep.   
“It’s time”   
Lucian looked round to his father, waiting for his instruction and guidance.   
“Say your parting to her”  
Nodding, solemn and not allowing his eyes to cloud with the tears that his father had not yet shown, Lucian stepped forward and stepped up so he could look down at you. A gentle kiss placed on your forehead and a whispered promise that he would save the galaxy, he stepped down and took a deep breath to remove the tears that were beginning to burn the corners of his eyes.   
“Is that all?”  
“Wait” Kylo stepped forward and stopped the ceremony leader from proceeding. Lucian watched as his father stepped up and looked down at you, his hand ghosting over your face and settling on the sabre.  
“I will raise our son as we had always intended”  
“Father?”  
“You may proceed”  
With a final nod, the master of ceremony nodded and the trio watched as the slab on which you were led was lowered into the ground and sealed over. The over doors bearing a symbol and crest of the Knights of Ren and a symbol that had long since disappeared from the world that they lived in.   
“Father-“  
“This” Kylo turned to Lucian, your sabre in his gloved hand and being held out to Lucian.   
“This will one day be yours, to use and carry just as your mother did before you, to carry on her legacy-“  
“But I- how?”  
“I will train you, just as we were trained and you will bring in the new generation and we will finally accomplish what we started”  
Lucian took the sabre from his father’s hand, dressed in robed of black and his father’s symbol on his robes.   
“What are we going to do father?”  
Kylo looked round to the setting sun of Naboo, your tomb lay alongside his grandmother’s, he felt the dying warmth on his skin with the promise that in the morning it would once again rise. Looking at Lucian he saw the light settling on his face and nodded to his son,   
“We are going to bring balance”  
Father and son left the tomb and walked towards the shuttle, their destiny’s forever changed.

**Author's Note:**

> The story will get more worthy of its mature rating as the story goes on, so bare with me on that one.


End file.
